I need you to understand something. I wrote this for you. I wrote this for you and only you. Everyone else who reads it, doesn’t get it. They may think they get it, but they don’t. This is the sign you’ve been looking for.
You were meant to read these words.
Thursday, April 30, 2009
The Twilight Taking
So I am here to take back everything you've ever taken from me.
I don't know why I got the way I did last night, after all we are not together anymore. I don't want to take anything back, it's just that sometimes I wish I had just given to you how much you gave to me. At the same time, I don't. It's just hurtful. Some of the things you did. But they aren't supposed to be.
You can't demand this if you ever *truly* gave me anything. Sometimes I'm scared you didn't put as much weight into your words as I imagine you did, which means I don't really know you.
Knowing you inside and out was the one thing I was really proud of.
"I don't know why I got the way I did last night, after all we are not together anymore. I don't want to take anything back, it's just that sometimes I wish I had just given to you how much you gave to me. At the same time, I don't. It's just hurtful. Some of the things you did. But they aren't supposed to be.
I'm just stupid. That I'm sure of."
I don't want to take anything back. maybe I do. maybe I'm just convincing myself that I'm not regretting what I've done. or what I should have done. maybe I shouldn't have done anything at all.
words, they're eggs that are being dropped from a height. once you've done it you're only left with the mess you've made.
Some days it feels like I'm nothing but a tangle of regrets, but the only ones that linger are that I didn't take what I was given and let it shatter against the floor instead. I thought I would regret giving, but then I realized I could share instead of losing. Now those old moments hover between us, warm and comforting like a gentle secret.
You continue to be nfr, nfr, nfr - once is never enough for you.
why end up cold and calculative about what i gave and what i took? Its not tangible, so why put a measurement on it. What i gave you is yours to keep, and what you threw back at me is your regret to carry. No one can take back what they gave, and no one can stop giving just cause their head and logic tells them to. The more we resist, the more it persists, the more we give, uncontrollably and unmeasure-ably
Oh, I will. I will take everything back in a month. You're going to regret breaking my heart. My soul will be so cold. Like fucking winter. Not like that warm day in July we'd met.
that little bleeding thing? that thing you took for granted because you never wanted it? tell me i can't stay over when i pick it up this time. pull the trigger on this. how many times must i beg you to? how many times will you let me scream don't let me come back? you always let me come back.
So I am here to take back everything you've ever taken from me.
Nothing? One can only give, not take.
ReplyDeleteI had a conversation very very similar to this not too long ago. It's not as easy to take it back as it seems.
ReplyDeletemy comment was going to be the question of how one goes about doing this.
ReplyDeleteIt's comforting though disappointing to know that no one else else knows.
I don't know why I got the way I did last night, after all we are not together anymore. I don't want to take anything back, it's just that sometimes I wish I had just given to you how much you gave to me. At the same time, I don't. It's just hurtful. Some of the things you did. But they aren't supposed to be.
ReplyDeleteI'm just stupid. That I'm sure of.
You can't demand this if you ever *truly* gave me anything. Sometimes I'm scared you didn't put as much weight into your words as I imagine you did, which means I don't really know you.
ReplyDeleteKnowing you inside and out was the one thing I was really proud of.
Chop Logik, you stole the words out of my mouth in that last sentence.
ReplyDelete"I don't know why I got the way I did last night, after all we are not together anymore. I don't want to take anything back, it's just that sometimes I wish I had just given to you how much you gave to me. At the same time, I don't. It's just hurtful. Some of the things you did. But they aren't supposed to be.
ReplyDeleteI'm just stupid. That I'm sure of."
I don't want to take anything back. maybe I do. maybe I'm just convincing myself that I'm not regretting what I've done. or what I should have done. maybe I shouldn't have done anything at all.
words, they're eggs that are being dropped from a height. once you've done it you're only left with the mess you've made.
Some days it feels like I'm nothing but a tangle of regrets, but the only ones that linger are that I didn't take what I was given and let it shatter against the floor instead. I thought I would regret giving, but then I realized I could share instead of losing. Now those old moments hover between us, warm and comforting like a gentle secret.
ReplyDeleteYou continue to be nfr, nfr, nfr - once is never enough for you.
why end up cold and calculative about what i gave and what i took? Its not tangible, so why put a measurement on it. What i gave you is yours to keep, and what you threw back at me is your regret to carry. No one can take back what they gave, and no one can stop giving just cause their head and logic tells them to. The more we resist, the more it persists, the more we give, uncontrollably and unmeasure-ably
ReplyDeleteI wish.
ReplyDeleteI'm giving back what you gave me, I no longer want it. I thought I did, but I was wrong. I deserve better.
ReplyDeleteYou may have given me everything, but we both know how much i gave more.
ReplyDeleteand never once, did i ask for it back.
The only thing I want back from you is my dignity.
ReplyDeleteThe only thing I want back from you is my dignity.
ReplyDelete...& over the years I gave u my everything.
ReplyDeleteMy heart, my love, my health, my patience,
my truth, my time, my dreams, my motivation.
A home, a family, a business, a reason.
A fresh start. S p a c e !
Fuck, I gave you me!
But these gifts, they were never enough.
I was never good enough. Why now?
Just take them!
I don't want them, I don't need them.
Just take them far far away & leave me be.
I am not your maybe baby!
Please!
Oh, I will. I will take everything back in a month. You're going to regret breaking my heart. My soul will be so cold. Like fucking winter. Not like that warm day in July we'd met.
ReplyDeletethat little bleeding thing? that thing you took for granted because you never wanted it? tell me i can't stay over when i pick it up this time. pull the trigger on this. how many times must i beg you to? how many times will you let me scream don't let me come back? you always let me come back.
ReplyDelete