I need you to understand something. I wrote this for you. I wrote this for you and only you. Everyone else who reads it, doesn’t get it. They may think they get it, but they don’t. This is the sign you’ve been looking for.
You were meant to read these words.
Wednesday, June 17, 2009
The Seat Next To You
When I sit near you, my hands suddenly become alien things and I don't know where to put them or what they usually do, like this is the first time I've ever had hands and maybe they go in my pockets and maybe they don't.
Why can't I have this anymore? I don't believe I've let myself really, solidly have a "crush" on someone in four years. I'm not supposed to be this emotionally guarded at 15.
No, that's not even emotionally guarded. That's just painful.
This is why I always wear a short necklace and a clunky ring -- to give my hands socially-acceptable things with which to fidget, constantly. Because otherwise, I feel compelled to touch everything, everyone.
I remember seeing you, and my heart stopped for a few seconds. We hugged. You went your separate way, but I purposely walked by you a few times just to make sure you were really there, all real. Then we sat next to eachother, and you quickly grabbed my hand.
Later you told me you forgot all about her because of me that night. And I had looked very pretty. And later after that, you told me about my shaky hands. Well.
That night meant alot to me. I used to see so much in you.
But really, I don't think we would have worked out anyway. Cause I am me, with my big smile, and shaky hands. And you are you, not nervous in the least bit, and oh so beautiful.
When I sit near you, my hands suddenly become alien things and I don't know where to put them or what they usually do, like this is the first time I've ever had hands and maybe they go in my pockets and maybe they don't.
Why can't I have this anymore? I don't believe I've let myself really, solidly have a "crush" on someone in four years. I'm not supposed to be this emotionally guarded at 15.
ReplyDeleteNo, that's not even emotionally guarded. That's just painful.
Yep, I still feel like this every time.
ReplyDeleteanonymous, maybe the right someone to have a crush has yet to arrive. Because I'm 31 and I still go through this from time to time
ReplyDeleteYesyesyes.
ReplyDeletei'd hold your hand if i could
ReplyDeleteWhat we do with our hands often reveal our innermost thinking.
ReplyDeleteI like this one!
ReplyDeleteReminds me of 'Pamphleteer' by The Weakerthans. This part exactly:
ReplyDeleteHow I don't know what I should do with my hands when I talk to you.
How you don't know where you should look, so you look at my hands.
Beautiful.
ReplyDeleteThis is why I always wear a short necklace and a clunky ring -- to give my hands socially-acceptable things with which to fidget, constantly. Because otherwise, I feel compelled to touch everything, everyone.
As McCartney and Lennon said, "I want to hold you hand."
ReplyDeleteThis is super-perfect.
ReplyDeletewhatever it is that you are feeling, everytime your hand touches mine, it feels like heaven. really do.
ReplyDeleteI love this.
ReplyDeleteAlthough, I find the picture creepy.
I love the way this is phrased.
ReplyDeleteIt's beautiful and so, so right.
♥
this helped me today.
ReplyDeleteDont put them in you pocket. Grab my hand im totally fine with it :)
ReplyDeleteAnyways i think the photo is kind of creepy.
i dont care where your hands are
ReplyDeletegranted your heart beats with mine
Dear You,
ReplyDeleteI remember seeing you, and my heart stopped for a few seconds. We hugged. You went your separate way, but I purposely walked by you a few times just to make sure you were really there, all real. Then we sat next to eachother, and you quickly grabbed my hand.
Later you told me you forgot all about her because of me that night. And I had looked very pretty. And later after that, you told me about my shaky hands. Well.
That night meant alot to me. I used to see so much in you.
But really, I don't think we would have worked out anyway. Cause I am me, with my big smile, and shaky hands. And you are you, not nervous in the least bit, and oh so beautiful.
We never even knew eachother.
I know I'm a dork but once you said you liked me so please please please just reach out and touch me. I need to know you're there.
ReplyDelete