I need you to understand something. I wrote this for you. I wrote this for you and only you. Everyone else who reads it, doesn’t get it. They may think they get it, but they don’t. This is the sign you’ve been looking for.
You were meant to read these words.
Wednesday, June 9, 2010
The Ghost Farm
To you, it was just picking flowers. To them, it was a massacre.
Trying not to be too frenetic. I hope comments still must be approved - now I feel limited in what I'm able to say. Oh, well... it's open so I'm going in. Bullet points.
• I can guess the them you speak of, and I grow sad but to me it's about a hell of a lot more than "picking flowers." It's about the rest of my entire life.
• A time-table was discussed. I recall the conversation. I know where you supposedly will be over the weekend. Maybe next week will bring some answers. Sometimes I worry it's all made-up and I'm gullible. I need to see live proof, but yet I believe because at this point I can no longer afford not to. My heart might never recover. At present I have to keep up the charade. I have no where else to go yet.
• I've used the phrase "never doubt" plenty of times but still you do. The result of doubting is that on an almost daily basis I feel both loved and tested. As if you don't see how you "build me up" then let me "hit the ground." But love is an addiction and I'm it's junkie for you. For US. ♥
I think I got it all out. I feel better, being honest about it all. Even if the part about some of the doubts I have from time to time sound harsh I want to be truthful. I wanted to make sure it is for me, specifically... not just a pick on your end. We probably worry about the same things with no real reason to.
I have to run an errand and then I'll be free later this evening if you want to, y'know, talk or something. Baby, baby, baby you know I love you. Ideally that statement will "stick" for longer than just the remainder of today. ♡ :0)
Hey Ian, happy belated birthday! May God bless you good health, never-ending ispirtaions, and such amazing years ahead, since that's what you've given to most of us, i believe, on our lowest days of life.
Your words are just amazingly inspiring! Keep writing please!
It is in the character of very few men to honor without envy a friend who has prospered. Aeschylus, Agamemnon, Greek tragic dramatist (525 BC - 456 BC)
And so it goes, the circle of life, one must die to feed us all. And someone once told us love can heal the world. Maybe its true or maybe its just a really cold method of seduction.
This is an exceptionally beautiful photograph. Wonderful, Jon Ellis. I feel I don't thank you enough. And as always -- Iain, thank you for the daily breathstopping moment of your words.
*sigh....and the way all these anonymous people leave their anonymous "insider" comments, with their bottled up, yet anonymous Emotions, offenses, and concerns...BUGS THE MESS OUT OF ME!!! it would be amazing to read such an ambiguous quote/post and leave comments amongst great minds, instead i'm surrounded by selfish and battered hearts bleeding, soaking, and drowning everything around it!!!
and perhaps the transcendent power of THIS POST made me realize the selfishness of all mankind...& how we taint and rob the world because of our own selfish desires...
perhaps it made you think of the rainforset, the oil spill, Haiti...OR perhaps your broken heart robs you of the right to THINK at all...and all you do is Feel: Aweful...And "Offended"! well excuse the rest of us for thinking....
Lovely and sad. Even if it's not really the very same subject, it reminds me of a Tool song called "Disgustipated" (warning : not exactly for the faint of heart, that's kind of experimental rock-metal)
You can hear Bill Hicks (R.I.P.) making an imitation of an excited evangelist, and then, Maynard (the singer and lyricist) says repeatedly "This is necessary This is necessary Life Feeds on life Feeds on life Feeds on life Feeds on This is necessary..."
At one point maybe I could have agreed with this... now I'm not so sure. I could have been asking for a fight, after all the flowers were on their land... I'm sorry to have caused this, if I could go back and change it I really would. I'm sorry so many people got hurt in the end. I'm sorry its my fault. I'm sorry the flowers were so gorgeous...
Love your blog. It's my favorite daily read.
ReplyDeleteIs that the picture of the tree where you hang upside down old bat?
ReplyDeleteHail Dissection!
ReplyDeleteand then...this was all that was left.
ReplyDeleteYes, Dissection is all that is left. Thank you Jesus!
ReplyDeleteAnd the Mentors!
ReplyDeleteI once thought it was so.
ReplyDeleteAnd you once left me shattered almost to dust, my first broken-heart experience..
If you're dying denying it this whole time, how come you've never come telling it right to my face instead?
Trying not to be too frenetic. I hope comments still must be approved - now I feel limited in what I'm able to say. Oh, well... it's open so I'm going in. Bullet points.
ReplyDelete• I can guess the them you speak of, and I grow sad but to me it's about a hell of a lot more than "picking flowers." It's about the rest of my entire life.
• A time-table was discussed. I recall the conversation. I know where you supposedly will be over the weekend. Maybe next week will bring some answers. Sometimes I worry it's all made-up and I'm gullible. I need to see live proof, but yet I believe because at this point I can no longer afford not to. My heart might never recover. At present I have to keep up the charade. I have no where else to go yet.
• I've used the phrase "never doubt" plenty of times but still you do. The result of doubting is that on an almost daily basis I feel both loved and tested. As if you don't see how you "build me up" then let me "hit the ground." But love is an addiction and I'm it's junkie for you. For US. ♥
I think I got it all out. I feel better, being honest about it all. Even if the part about some of the doubts I have from time to time sound harsh I want to be truthful. I wanted to make sure it is for me, specifically... not just a pick on your end. We probably worry about the same things with no real reason to.
I have to run an errand and then I'll be free later this evening if you want to, y'know, talk or something. Baby, baby, baby you know I love you. Ideally that statement will "stick" for longer than just the remainder of today. ♡ :0)
Hey Ian, happy belated birthday!
ReplyDeleteMay God bless you good health, never-ending ispirtaions, and such amazing years ahead, since that's what you've given to most of us, i believe, on our lowest days of life.
Your words are just amazingly inspiring! Keep writing please!
It is in the character of very few men to honor without envy a friend who has prospered. Aeschylus, Agamemnon, Greek tragic dramatist (525 BC - 456 BC)
ReplyDeleteWho is us?
ReplyDeleteEeek. Creepy.
ReplyDeleteyour blog is seriously amazing, and so so so inspiring.
ReplyDeleteFlowers
ReplyDeleteg r o w
out
of
dark
moments.
Makes sense
ReplyDeletePS - These comments confuse the heck out of me...
Fuck you, you sick twisted bitch!
ReplyDeleteAnd so it goes, the circle of life, one must die to feed us all. And someone once told us love can heal the world.
ReplyDeleteMaybe its true or maybe its just a really cold method of seduction.
What the hell is up with Anonymous, Anonymous and Anonymous? Are you THAT ashamed of yourself? Actually.. maybe you should be.
ReplyDeleteGently go about your day.
ReplyDeleteAlways keep a piece of your heart open. For those who do not have the gentleness of your day.
Love Ky
P.S. If I was a 'Old Bat' this too would be my tree of choice ;)
Be my Friend or Don't it is your choice. I leave it open to you.
Im not ashamed of a goddamn thing. But if you wanted to piss me off with this bullshit, you did a goddamn good job!
ReplyDeletePlease help me understand where I offended you 'Anonymous'
ReplyDeleteThis is an exceptionally beautiful photograph. Wonderful, Jon Ellis. I feel I don't thank you enough.
ReplyDeleteAnd as always -- Iain, thank you for the daily breathstopping moment of your words.
there is a massacre happening right now as I type this comment.
ReplyDeletethere is nothing i can do about it.
maybe them should try to pick some flowers too
ReplyDeleteI think your blog is beautiful.
ReplyDeletewow.
ReplyDeletei have been readng your posts for a very long time, and i haven't told you.
ReplyDeletei think i might be in love with you.
*sigh....and the way all these anonymous people leave their anonymous "insider" comments, with their bottled up, yet anonymous Emotions, offenses, and concerns...BUGS THE MESS OUT OF ME!!! it would be amazing to read such an ambiguous quote/post and leave comments amongst great minds, instead i'm surrounded by selfish and battered hearts bleeding, soaking, and drowning everything around it!!!
ReplyDeleteand perhaps the transcendent power of THIS POST made me realize the selfishness of all mankind...& how we taint and rob the world because of our own selfish desires...
perhaps it made you think of the rainforset, the oil spill, Haiti...OR perhaps your broken heart robs you of the right to THINK at all...and all you do is Feel: Aweful...And "Offended"!
well excuse the rest of us for thinking....
Shandra - LOVE your comment! Thanx!
ReplyDeleteIt was only because I loved them so much I wanted to hold them, smell them and bring them home. I was sad when they died.
ReplyDeletesome people are too special to be touched, you can go and contemplate them. That's all.
ReplyDeleteLovely and sad.
ReplyDeleteEven if it's not really the very same subject, it reminds me of a Tool song called "Disgustipated" (warning : not exactly for the faint of heart, that's kind of experimental rock-metal)
You can hear Bill Hicks (R.I.P.) making an imitation of an excited evangelist, and then, Maynard (the singer and lyricist) says repeatedly
"This is necessary
This is necessary
Life
Feeds on life
Feeds on life
Feeds on life
Feeds on
This is necessary..."
so true
ReplyDeleteAt one point maybe I could have agreed with this... now I'm not so sure. I could have been asking for a fight, after all the flowers were on their land... I'm sorry to have caused this, if I could go back and change it I really would. I'm sorry so many people got hurt in the end. I'm sorry its my fault. I'm sorry the flowers were so gorgeous...
ReplyDelete