I need you to understand something. I wrote this for you. I wrote this for you and only you. Everyone else who reads it, doesn’t get it. They may think they get it, but they don’t. This is the sign you’ve been looking for.
You were meant to read these words.
Tuesday, August 17, 2010
The Blood Red Lie
The best time to reflect is when you like the person looking back.
I waited long for you to turn back and by the time you did, the reflection died.. so I decided that the next time i won't wait for the time, I'll call you rather.
That's why I am running. I hate me. I hate myself so much. I hoped in you I could find love. If I could get someone as beautiful as you to love me. I was worthy of love. You did love me and I felt worthy and i faced every fear knowing I could always come back to you. But the price I paid was heavy, you took every second I had, my life blurred to nothing, but you, deadlines, politeness, sleep. All revolved around you. One day I woke up realising I was failing. I was behind on all the things I couldn't convince you to like. So I had to let you go. I still miss you, I miss you. Nothing compares to you. I'll never do that to myself again. I love you, I miss you, I never want to see you again goodbye.
Want my opinion? If not, too bad. The only failure would be to continue to run from such enormous love. To ignore it, to stifle it or to deem the whole "situation" too complicated to face up to someday. Love is worth fighting for. I know this to be true because I know that I love you... deadlines be damned. XO
When we were children, we used to think that when we were grown-up we would no longer be vulnerable. But to grow up is to accept vulnerability... To be alive is to be vulnerable. Madeleine L'Engle, "Walking on Water: Reflections on Faith and Art", 1980 US juvenile science fiction novelist (1918 - )
@anonymous worth fighting for Love is worth fighting for that's why I am running away. I love myself too. You stripped my life till the only thing I could love was you, not my mom, or my dad or my favourite tv show, not my brother, not my friends, not the complete silence I like to enjoy sometimes alone in bed till my twisting and turning works the sheets off the bed, not the long walks home, not the three hours I sometimes spend in the supermarket leaving only with three different brands of the same tea, not the website I used to visit to read poetry on. Sometimes comment, anonymously. Posts that take sometimes an hour to consider and write.
Just you. Pour my heart out to you. Every email I send to you.Explaining every moment I wasn't with you. Watching you seethe if I hadn't used every spare second to spend with you.
I woke up to find my life was nothing but you, deadlines, politeness, sleep and you.
All your love, is not all the love I need I still need me.
@anonymous nothing but a waste The venus fly trap of your love. I could have halucinated your love. While you consumed me. If I stayed you this is how it would be. you suck me dry. You leave me empty. Open your charms to next ugly, despised creature. All my value based on what you need. You won't want me back. I have nothing to give. Even less than when I started. Love wouldn't do that. I hope one day you learn to love. I hope I find someone to love me. before too long. Before I miss you. Before I remember your disguised poison like pleasure. Before I want you back.
I'm sorry that I hurt you. I'm sorry I can not love. You helped me with so many things but I just came undone. I will always miss the the ways you touched my inner soul You are as beautiful as an angel with the strength of many more. I hope you can forgive me and I wish the best for you God put me in your life to show what love can really do.
I waited long for you to turn back and by the time you did, the reflection died.. so I decided that the next time i won't wait for the time, I'll call you rather.
ReplyDeleteJust out of curiosity and amazement, why is this entry called the blood red lie? :)
ReplyDeletebeautiful picture!
ReplyDeleteThat's why I am running. I hate me. I hate myself so much. I hoped in you I could find love. If I could get someone as beautiful as you to love me. I was worthy of love. You did love me and I felt worthy and i faced every fear knowing I could always come back to you.
ReplyDeleteBut the price I paid was heavy, you took every second I had, my life blurred to nothing, but you, deadlines, politeness, sleep. All revolved around you.
One day I woke up realising I was failing. I was behind on all the things I couldn't convince you to like. So I had to let you go.
I still miss you, I miss you. Nothing compares to you. I'll never do that to myself again.
I love you, I miss you, I never want to see you again goodbye.
This comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteI don't allow advertising of other blogs on mine, in the comments or elsewhere.
ReplyDeleteWant my opinion? If not, too bad. The only failure would be to continue to run from such enormous love. To ignore it, to stifle it or to deem the whole "situation" too complicated to face up to someday. Love is worth fighting for. I know this to be true because I know that I love you... deadlines be damned. XO
ReplyDeleteWhen we were children, we used to think that when we were grown-up we would no longer be vulnerable. But to grow up is to accept vulnerability... To be alive is to be vulnerable. Madeleine L'Engle, "Walking on Water: Reflections on Faith and Art", 1980 US juvenile science fiction novelist (1918 - )
ReplyDeleteit may not mean much to you,
ReplyDeletebut wherever you are..
your words make everything seem..
worth living for.
like theres more to everything..
then i thought there was.
you make me feel alive.
I'm glad I will never see you again. You were nothing but a waste of my time. A cancer I want to forget.
ReplyDeletethis is so well said.
ReplyDeleteall of your blog is.
wishing you so much happiness~
xo.
well put, well put indeed. i like the fact that all of your writings have alot of depth. later
ReplyDelete@anonymous worth fighting for
ReplyDeleteLove is worth fighting for that's why I am running away. I love myself too.
You stripped my life till the only thing I could love was you, not my mom, or my dad or my favourite tv show, not my brother, not my friends, not the complete silence I like to enjoy sometimes alone in bed till my twisting and turning works the sheets off the bed, not the long walks home, not the three hours I sometimes spend in the supermarket leaving only with three different brands of the same tea, not the website I used to visit to read poetry on. Sometimes comment, anonymously. Posts that take sometimes an hour to consider and write.
Just you. Pour my heart out to you. Every email I send to you.Explaining every moment I wasn't with you. Watching you seethe if I hadn't used every spare second to spend with you.
I woke up to find my life was nothing but you, deadlines, politeness, sleep and you.
All your love, is not all the love I need I still need me.
@anonymous nothing but a waste
ReplyDeleteThe venus fly trap of your love.
I could have halucinated your love.
While you consumed me.
If I stayed you this is how it would be.
you suck me dry.
You leave me empty.
Open your charms to next ugly, despised creature.
All my value based on what you need.
You won't want me back.
I have nothing to give.
Even less than when I started.
Love wouldn't do that.
I hope one day you learn to love.
I hope I find someone to love me.
before too long.
Before I miss you.
Before I remember your disguised poison like pleasure.
Before I want you back.
I'm sorry that I hurt you.
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry I can not love.
You helped me with so many things
but I just came undone.
I will always miss the the ways
you touched my inner soul
You are as beautiful as an angel
with the strength of many more.
I hope you can forgive me
and I wish the best for you
God put me in your life
to show what love can really do.
I will miss you!