I need you to understand something. I wrote this for you. I wrote this for you and only you. Everyone else who reads it, doesn’t get it. They may think they get it, but they don’t. This is the sign you’ve been looking for.
You were meant to read these words.
Wednesday, October 27, 2010
The Day After The Crash
The sun still, surprisingly, came up and shone down onto the cold, metal leftovers. No loud noises. No screams. No breaking glass. Just silence and sunshine. You would be forgiven for thinking that this all happened on another planet. It didn't.
And then there was peace. No more clanging of metal against metal, no more clash of man against man. Silence and peace. Pity that there's not one left to enjoy the sunshine.
I worry when I sense that you are sad about something. And when that happens my tolerance with the waiting is tested to the fullest degree. Because I can't give you an epic bear-hug. Nor can I just place a call to comfort you or make you the best dinner I''m currently capable of making. All can do is remind you that, as always, I'm thinking of you. <3
Sometimes, when something really awful happens, it takes days to truly hit me. I'll walk around with a smile, go through the patterns of my day, as if there's nothing wrong.
Maybe it's my subconscious that buries me in a lie, to protect me, to keep me from falling apart.
It doesn't matter if I say I'm sorry. It doesn't matter if I say I love you...here or at Mars.. I don't know what to give anymore. You took everything. Including silence and distance. Time and absence. I'm Yours. But you'll always want more...
I still remember that night that we crashed. I was asleep in the backseat and I awoke to the sharp jerk of the car off pavement. I remember my neck hitting the door so hard. I remember everything slowing down until we hit the guardrail and I sat up, in a great deal of pain, and you called my name in a frantic voice asking if I was okay. We got out of the car and I held you, on the side of the road, at 12 in the morning while you, for the first time in our relationship, cried, saying, "I fucked up."
You have no idea how much this post means to me. In the space of 24 hours, my country Indonesia was hit by two major disasters. A volcano eruption and earthquake followed by tsunami.
And this, this right here makes me have hope. Yes, we lost people. Hundreds of them. But there are still survivors. And they are what we work for.
For those we lost, we lift our hands to pray. For those who survive, we lift our hands to help.
I noticed it was everywhere...but I felt/feel like stealing someone else's and she is not working...I am Gemini and I am bold in some ways but timid in others...I am just too selfish, aint I?
Yes, I'm here. I'm yours too. What are we waiting for? I can't hazard a guess anymore. The blind faith that I once had was crushed. It hurt, but still I miss you every moment, every day. I love you. Just so you know. Together, across time and distance.
I know you are not magic and there is no alchemy but you make everything good better and the bad things not so bad. You cocoon me in a bubble. I can't see what else is going on. I wish we could have been together. I wanted to share the tangle of my life with you. Please
Just silence and sunshine. My whispering screams turn into silence. The woods you burned down allow you to see the sunshine. Burst into tears. Laugh away the pain.
i really like the way you framed this picture, especially with your words.
ReplyDeleteI still need to "TURN MY HEAD" then? Not to other people but to the imaginary me?
ReplyDeleteWhen we ended, I was shocked that the sun still rose and that cars still drove on roads.
ReplyDeleteIt was anywhere. Doesn't matter at all. I love you at any place. And I'll ask your forgiveness same way. Here or at Mars. Do I need to go there?
ReplyDeleteAnd the moon watched in tranquility.. for it knew that it was his time to go...
ReplyDeleteYou may or may not be forgiven for the aftermath. That is not my choice to make.
ReplyDeleteAnd then there was peace. No more clanging of metal against metal, no more clash of man against man. Silence and peace. Pity that there's not one left to enjoy the sunshine.
ReplyDeleteThis couldn't have come an a more appropriate time.
ReplyDeleteI worry when I sense that you are sad about something. And when that happens my tolerance with the waiting is tested to the fullest degree. Because I can't give you an epic bear-hug. Nor can I just place a call to comfort you or make you the best dinner I''m currently capable of making. All can do is remind you that, as always, I'm thinking of you. <3
ReplyDeleteHave you lost someone in a crash? from where I sit (having lost my husband this way), it seems that you know what it feels like. You KNOW.
ReplyDeleteSometimes, when something really awful happens, it takes days to truly hit me.
ReplyDeleteI'll walk around with a smile, go through the patterns of my day, as if there's nothing wrong.
Maybe it's my subconscious that buries me in a lie, to protect me, to keep me from falling apart.
you are beautiful, even when you stand in front of the mirror and frown and you don't like what you see, you are beautiful.
ReplyDeletei sit on the bed and stare at my hands
you are beautiful.
It doesn't matter if I say I'm sorry. It doesn't matter if I say I love you...here or at Mars.. I don't know what to give anymore. You took everything. Including silence and distance. Time and absence. I'm Yours. But you'll always want more...
ReplyDeleteAfter the dust settles all is calm. A new day brings a new beginning, another chance to feel at peace.
ReplyDeleteI legitimately know someone 'who you wrote this for'... I hope he checks this out.
ReplyDeletei'm on the right path but i don't really understand this quote
ReplyDeletecould someone please explain it to me?
thank you in advance :)
This paints a beautiful picture in my mind, :)
ReplyDeletehey, I love your blog. and I come here to divulge the mine. https://www.saber-sonhar.blogspot.com
ReplyDeletethanks
I still remember that night that we crashed. I was asleep in the backseat and I awoke to the sharp jerk of the car off pavement. I remember my neck hitting the door so hard. I remember everything slowing down until we hit the guardrail and I sat up, in a great deal of pain, and you called my name in a frantic voice asking if I was okay. We got out of the car and I held you, on the side of the road, at 12 in the morning while you, for the first time in our relationship, cried, saying, "I fucked up."
ReplyDeleteMy worst nightmare is to lose you :o/
ReplyDeleteI look for you in everything, even though I know you aren't there. Everything makes me think of you. Are you there? Because I am.
ReplyDeleteYou have no idea how much this post means to me. In the space of 24 hours, my country Indonesia was hit by two major disasters. A volcano eruption and earthquake followed by tsunami.
ReplyDeleteAnd this, this right here makes me have hope. Yes, we lost people. Hundreds of them. But there are still survivors. And they are what we work for.
For those we lost, we lift our hands to pray.
For those who survive, we lift our hands to help.
I noticed it was everywhere...but I felt/feel like stealing someone else's and she is not working...I am Gemini and I am bold in some ways but timid in others...I am just too selfish, aint I?
ReplyDeleteYes, I'm here. I'm yours too. What are we waiting for? I can't hazard a guess anymore. The blind faith that I once had was crushed. It hurt, but still I miss you every moment, every day. I love you. Just so you know. Together, across time and distance.
ReplyDeleteI'd love the best dinner you are capable of making...can't wait... as always I am thinking of you too <3
ReplyDeleteEveryone should have thier own plane.
ReplyDeleteI am too. I am doing all these for both of us...I really dont want you to see me with aging signs...I love you.
ReplyDeleteBeautiful. Of all the posts of yours that I've read, this really struck a chord with me at this moment.
ReplyDeleteThank you :)
It was hard to tell who was held accountable. There was barely any time to think. Why did either of us choose to speak?
ReplyDeleteRealizing what you all ready know is healing a mind that was never broken.
ReplyDeletethe difference is one you realize, the other you live................
Verena Mulock Houwer
I know you are not magic and there is no alchemy but you make everything good better and the bad things not so bad.
ReplyDeleteYou cocoon me in a bubble. I can't see what else is going on.
I wish we could have been together. I wanted to share the tangle of my life with you.
Please
i really like your works. striking in every sense.
ReplyDeleteJust silence and sunshine.
ReplyDeleteMy whispering screams turn into silence. The woods you burned down allow you to see the sunshine.
Burst into tears.
Laugh away the pain.
Just because everything always works in the end. Thats all this is
ReplyDelete