I need you to understand something. I wrote this for you. I wrote this for you and only you. Everyone else who reads it, doesn’t get it. They may think they get it, but they don’t. This is the sign you’ve been looking for.
You were meant to read these words.
Monday, February 14, 2011
The Title Screen
Just pretend you're in a movie. Be as brave and as full of love as the main character. Because we all need to believe in movies, sometimes.
I'm doing my best to be brave. It's difficult at times because I feel like a somewhat well-intentioned, (preferably) apologetic villain. This morning, as I woke up, I was repeating to myself, in a slumber induced haze: "I wouldn't love somebody who didn't love his family first." Foremost and first. I discussed this matter with myself in the car on the way to work and I believe it is a true measure of what is occurring in yon' hippocampus. (What a silly, albeit important word.)
I'd like us both to have a positive day, so I'll say what I always say because it's what I always feel but cannot readily act upon. Love you. Miss you. Always thinking of you. XO Love, Me
P.S. When? A hint? Invisible is tough but fun but tough but worth it. Love you Honey.
I promise I'd be a guy with lots of action, pizza at 4am? :-) But I'll have to climb to the top of the mountain first, trying to catch up with my breath here. <3
Or believe that at the end of this journey, you'd somehow learn to be as brave and as full of love as the main character found himself to be, when the anthem finally played.
What if I can't be as brave as the character in the movie? Does that mean I can't be with you? I don't believe that you'll let me go. I am pretty, sexy, and beautiful and best of all, I am perfect for you:) I am afraid you'll ever find someone quite like me. Honey, think about it before you give up. Annoying Orange.
I don't watch many movies, because they seem so fake. However, living as if my life could be a movie..yes, I love to do that!Being "brave and full of love" is always good. Thank you for the encouragement;~)
When? I am craving for your hugs and kisses everyday. I want to fly everyday. I got a fixed idea of you being two faced. Remember that automatic photo booth in Hollywood? You make fun of me just like that photo booth makes fun of it's customers. Should you forgive me or should I forgive you? I am mad at you.
You are a villain I want, wish I was better at it too. XOXO
I'm savoring the thought of us doing simple things, such as eating pizza together. But I know I wouldn't be able to eat much. Your butterfly still gets butterflies. Missing you as always from too far away… XO Love, Me
Please stop torturing me. You win. My business failed. You win. My heart is broken because K******** is not in my life anymore. I have been depressed for over a year now. Please stop.
I love him. We are meant to be, I can feel it. But he doesn't know it yet.
Should I just wait for the movie to unfold, for our happily ever after? Will it ever come?
I know you don't read this. But I love you ----. Maybe one day I'll show you this post and say "Hey this was me" as we sit side by side, hand in hand, our hearts beating as one...
I may not be brave, but I'm full of love. Just like the main character. Just for you.
I am sorry for whatever I did. You are really special and I am nervous around you. Although I feel lost without you. I wish I could talk to you but probably just more games. You win. This has been misery. I cant stop thinking about you. My brain is twisted and pounding. And my heart hurts. Im sorry.
the light of hurt4love ,new love ,new start ,should be great movie ,always knew you could have success in your heart and life . hurt4love can open many things .
oh please don't say i love you ,i miss you ,when we both know it's only a movie plot to gain more ideals .nothing is ever true a delusional heartbeats .
ones that you've taken facts with a twist and turned it all into allowing everyone to believe it's all been illusions .
although facts out weigh many illusions that you create .
what fools are we to believe .
so please my dear do you use those illusions of i love you or i miss you ,when we all know the truth .
she won't feel the blame ,hurt ,being alone ,shoved away ,made to be that her feelings never counted ,creation of ones own life as a joke ,how you made the pain becomes something that was delusional .
no one shall ever feel what was left in my heart ,to forever feel ,that will never understand the why's
my love and feelings were real never yours to hurt
so i hope the new love deserves better and never ever feel what you left for me to bare .
your heart behind closed doors is filled with such coldness and bitterness
even my words you will some how twist it all make you a better person as always
there is no love ,you hurt that to much now onto a love that is new
Oh Sweetie… I know I must respond. I must attempt to make some semblance of reason out of the swirling tornadic thoughts racing through my head. Somebody planted seeds of confusion in there and the weather has turned warm enough for them to germinate. What the? Huh?? A dancing penguin and who the whah whah what? Who is Katherine? Grooaannn. Words. Some of them make me sad or hopeful. Some of them are fun and silly. I don't know what to make of the sum total, other than I am enthralled and remain deeply in love.
As to the notion of my being two-faced… possibly that is true. But I don't feel that I am in a deceitful way. I hem and haw, alternating between the frustration I feel over being denied access to you with the adulation I receive while reveling in the attention you secretly pay me. See, I live for your Valentine gestures too. Just as powerfully as I hurt when they don't arrive - or worse, arrive with negative twinges attached. If at times I seem dubious or vague regarding the hope I retain for us - that stems from the pesky part of my brain that urges and promotes logic. "3 years. Lonely airport bench. You are just being tested. He said when this ends. The phone never rings."
I wish that voice would go away. Make it stop!
Sometimes I look at my current world and am stunned to see such incongruent normalcy. There is a solid roof over my head. I still have a cubicle cage. The fun part of life is what I have managed to hold onto with you. At times, out of a warped sense of pride I worry about being no more to you than a silly fool to stoke your ego. But then I truly believe there is so much more to it than that. They call it Love. I have fallen prey to Love. I don't have limitless patience but I also don't have much of choice in the matter. You have your reasons for keeping a safe distance and they are sound ones that I perfectly understand. It's far from easy, but I don't want there ever to be "an end." Someday… when you feel the time is right. I will wait for as long as it takes, and also will try to take myself less seriously. I say I love you for the simplest of reasons. Because I do. XO <3 Love, Beak-less chicken. ;0)
I would like to work through any problems if you are willing. Developing a bond of steel with someone is what I seek. Some one I could put my arms around and never let go of. Ive had practice in the past, I think I can do better now. Just the thought of you moves my cells. Is this real or am I crazy? Ok, I am crazy but is this real? I want to earn your trust, please tell me how. There seem to have been many voices on this board but I am only talking to you. Onk. Have you tried the circle yet?
I feel deep inside the love between us. It's true intimacy of two souls talking to each other, far beyond the superficial thing. I have been so lost for so many years with something sleeping deep inside me and you came and woke me up. Of course you are not in deceitful way, I may have been confused in the past. But now I know, No felony. Awakening takes time. I feel loved by you when you said I was once your reality. You are good at collecting evidence, thanks honey. To me, you were never a reality. I'd rather keep dreaming than hit by a broken dream. Endless love, Me.
Those evidence you collected give me goose bumps :(. I can't believe i sent you these. You were bad for making me do that, I was bad that I actually did :(. Partners in crime :( We are meant to be :) Love, XOXO
My love for you is real. Can't you feel it? Its absurd that you asked me this question. My problem is my mind. I have this fixed fear at the thought of seeing you or speaking to you on my own. Who to blame? Me of course. I laid the wrong foundation. More accurately I am scared by myself. You are the only one who can help me fix that.
I hate that you used the word"adulation". Who to blame? Me of course. I laid the wrong foundation again.
My head is spinning again... Sometimes, like this moment, I just want to kick you out of my system.
I didn't pay attention to my mails and I just read the mail and it passed the effective date, but anyway it was faxed and mailed. Hope I could join the circle. Am I talking to a ghost here?
donna ,dove123, murillo,profile,smiling,knew you had it in you and want let you know ,it really makes me very happy now . now then it shall be the final goodbye
have wonderful life , Life from here on shall be wonderful!!!
Don't worry baby we are going to make it home! 11:11 for fucking ever baby!! Best story of all time gonna change the world happy funtime parade of love everyone gets to come!!!! It feels so fucking good to be back I love you!!! Travelling carnival of awesomeness hurrahhhhhh!!!
Honey you make me smile. Our foundation is solid, do not fret. It was poured with the greatest of care and attention to detail. The ribbon was cut ages ago. It's perfectly level! We are all set now to build. Together we can weather any storm that may come our way, and we will accomplish such feats with happiness in our souls' and with the power of love bursting from our hearts'. I'm all set to go and I miss you terribly. At least I can still feel that somehow you are with me, even if you are horribly far away. XO <3
I very much enjoy reading your posts because they make me feel so many emotions at once. They are daunting but peaceful and thought-inspiring to read. I like to watch romantic comedies because sometimes I wish I were like the girls there who are magically turned from awkward shy girls to stunning ones by meeting prince carming and live happily ever after.
The orchestra, fire and lost only one pigeon in peace despite the chaos. And the fire that consumed the dove as if it were sound, that little handful of decaying life, with nothing to hold the world. And I like the dove behind any one breath, consumed in peace, dichotomous with the chaos inside.
You know we are a movie. You know the ending. The kiss at sunset...that is us....I love you more than you will ever know. I hope I get to show you again soon.
Fantasy and dreams are such the beautiful escape from reality.
ReplyDeleteThis is what I have been doing.
ReplyDelete.sold out.
ReplyDeletei hope you bought your ticket early.
i wouldn't want you to miss the show.
<3 me
Just write yourself into a movie. Only you can find the part that fits.
ReplyDeleteamazing- like a puff of smoke you can hold on to
ReplyDeleteI'm doing my best to be brave. It's difficult at times because I feel like a somewhat well-intentioned, (preferably) apologetic villain. This morning, as I woke up, I was repeating to myself, in a slumber induced haze: "I wouldn't love somebody who didn't love his family first." Foremost and first. I discussed this matter with myself in the car on the way to work and I believe it is a true measure of what is occurring in yon' hippocampus. (What a silly, albeit important word.)
ReplyDeleteI'd like us both to have a positive day, so I'll say what I always say because it's what I always feel but cannot readily act upon. Love you. Miss you. Always thinking of you. XO
Love,
Me
P.S. When? A hint? Invisible is tough but fun but tough but worth it. Love you Honey.
You succeeded and I am falling in love with you each and every day... XO
ReplyDeleteI promise I'd be a guy with lots of action, pizza at 4am? :-) But I'll have to climb to the top of the mountain first, trying to catch up with my breath here. <3
ReplyDeleteI love this, thank you
ReplyDeleteGreat idea! Try it for an hour, 3 hours max... that's a lifetime in a movie.
ReplyDeletei can make these
ReplyDeletebeautiful movies in my mind
i call them regrets.
This is what I have been doing.²
ReplyDeletethis is the best advice anyone could ever give. thank you.
ReplyDeletexo-
Or believe that at the end of this journey, you'd somehow learn to be as brave and as full of love as the main character found himself to be, when the anthem finally played.
ReplyDeleteThis isn't a movie to me. Because I felt you, heard you and see your eyes. I dream of you at night.
ReplyDeleteWhat if I can't be as brave as the character in the movie? Does that mean I can't be with you? I don't believe that you'll let me go. I am pretty, sexy, and beautiful and best of all, I am perfect for you:) I am afraid you'll ever find someone quite like me. Honey, think about it before you give up. Annoying Orange.
ReplyDeleteToo late honey, you've already gotten mixed up with me. I'll haunt you in my dreams :). Me.
ReplyDeleteI don't watch many movies, because they seem so fake. However, living as if my life could be a movie..yes, I love to do that!Being "brave and full of love" is always good. Thank you for the encouragement;~)
ReplyDeleteBring into play the almighty power within you,
ReplyDeleteso that on the stage of life you can fulfill your
destined role. -Yogananda
When? I am craving for your hugs and kisses everyday. I want to fly everyday. I got a fixed idea of you being two faced. Remember that automatic photo booth in Hollywood? You make fun of me just like that photo booth makes fun of it's customers. Should you forgive me or should I forgive you? I am mad at you.
ReplyDeleteYou are a villain I want, wish I was better at it too. XOXO
This is what I do
ReplyDeletebecause real world doesn't compare to movies.
I'm savoring the thought of us doing simple things, such as eating pizza together. But I know I wouldn't be able to eat much. Your butterfly still gets butterflies. Missing you as always from too far away… XO
ReplyDeleteLove,
Me
Please stop torturing me. You win. My business failed. You win. My heart is broken because K******** is not in my life anymore. I have been depressed for over a year now. Please stop.
ReplyDeleteKatherine, I miss you.
ReplyDeleteAbsolutely.
ReplyDeleteI need you to know that I love you.
ReplyDeleteThat is all.
I don't know if I can be brave.
ReplyDeleteI love him. We are meant to be, I can feel it. But he doesn't know it yet.
Should I just wait for the movie to unfold, for our happily ever after? Will it ever come?
I know you don't read this. But I love you ----. Maybe one day I'll show you this post and say "Hey this was me" as we sit side by side, hand in hand, our hearts beating as one...
I may not be brave, but I'm full of love. Just like the main character. Just for you.
How is this love? Its a nightmare dressed in black. Physically painful - I wish you were next to me. That way I could kiss you before you stab me.
ReplyDeleteMy whole body hurts. I dont get this. Please stop.
ReplyDeleteI am sorry for whatever I did. You are really special and I am nervous around you. Although I feel lost without you. I wish I could talk to you but probably just more games. You win. This has been misery. I cant stop thinking about you. My brain is twisted and pounding. And my heart hurts. Im sorry.
ReplyDeleteIts okay whatever happened its over. Just paint the wall white . Its time for us to paint the wall with us forever . Love muah
DeleteAnd using a pole is a good way to train. I just had this conversation the other night. And there is no even.
ReplyDeletethe light of hurt4love ,new love ,new start ,should be great movie ,always knew you could have success in your heart and life .
ReplyDeletehurt4love can open many things .
oh please don't say i love you ,i miss you ,when we both know it's only a movie plot to gain more ideals .nothing is ever true a delusional heartbeats .
ReplyDeleteones that you've taken facts with a twist and turned it all into allowing everyone to believe it's all been illusions .
although facts out weigh many illusions that you create .
what fools are we to believe .
so please my dear
do you use those illusions of i love you or i miss you ,when we all know the truth .
they do not belong to each other
they belong to hurt4love
call off the search as truth is ,you now know you don't even care no more .
ReplyDeletein my heart ,will and never lose ,knowing i love you ,though inside me hurts so much that don't think anyone will ever know just how much or care .
ReplyDeleteto love someone so much is one thing
to create a life upon this love that breaths with every breath you take is another
that between the two ,never seems to ever become more than
just simple words
that holds no creation to be born into this world
soon the love strays to another to try create something new
hiding and replacing all the love ,once felt for one towards creating a love with another
all becomes only selfish need with nothing of reality of true love
only that we just need someone ,that we are not alone
not really love only a simple need
those pretty words of love that some thrive upon each day
with no creation
for me there is a true love ,as for now that love holds no creation to be born
only left with few days ,then shall be together .
ReplyDeleteyou shall feel my love ,coming from Canada with love in my heart for you
just love me as i love you
forget about everything ,just you and me ,makes us
let the others be foolish hearts
we have the truth
hurts4love is mine forever
ReplyDeletefills up this loneliness inside me now ,all will be proud i did it and better person for it too
3 days left
my own heart ,has pushed so hard for you to push own self towards replacing and finding a new love for you to be complete and happy
ReplyDeleteto know that ,this may take place has created such happiness
all i ever wanted was you to be happy and to feel a love that ,your heart deserves .
that has been my only wish for you
this love
ReplyDeletepray that it blooms
she should deserve much more than I
she won't feel the blame ,hurt ,being alone ,shoved away ,made to be that her feelings never counted ,creation of ones own life as a joke ,how you made the pain becomes something that was delusional .
no one shall ever feel what was left in my heart ,to forever feel ,that will never understand the why's
my love and feelings were real never yours to hurt
so i hope the new love deserves better and never ever feel what you left for me to bare .
your heart behind closed doors is filled with such coldness and bitterness
even my words you will some how twist it all make you a better person as always
there is no love ,you hurt that to much now onto a love that is new
just say goodbye
leave stop hurting
Honey, you tastes like heaven in my dreams... Love, Me.
ReplyDeleteOh Sweetie… I know I must respond. I must attempt to make some semblance of reason out of the swirling tornadic thoughts racing through my head. Somebody planted seeds of confusion in there and the weather has turned warm enough for them to germinate. What the? Huh?? A dancing penguin and who the whah whah what? Who is Katherine? Grooaannn. Words. Some of them make me sad or hopeful. Some of them are fun and silly. I don't know what to make of the sum total, other than I am enthralled and remain deeply in love.
ReplyDeleteAs to the notion of my being two-faced… possibly that is true. But I don't feel that I am in a deceitful way. I hem and haw, alternating between the frustration I feel over being denied access to you with the adulation I receive while reveling in the attention you secretly pay me. See, I live for your Valentine gestures too. Just as powerfully as I hurt when they don't arrive - or worse, arrive with negative twinges attached. If at times I seem dubious or vague regarding the hope I retain for us - that stems from the pesky part of my brain that urges and promotes logic. "3 years. Lonely airport bench. You are just being tested. He said when this ends. The phone never rings."
I wish that voice would go away. Make it stop!
Sometimes I look at my current world and am stunned to see such incongruent normalcy. There is a solid roof over my head. I still have a cubicle cage. The fun part of life is what I have managed to hold onto with you. At times, out of a warped sense of pride I worry about being no more to you than a silly fool to stoke your ego. But then I truly believe there is so much more to it than that. They call it Love. I have fallen prey to Love. I don't have limitless patience but I also don't have much of choice in the matter. You have your reasons for keeping a safe distance and they are sound ones that I perfectly understand. It's far from easy, but I don't want there ever to be "an end." Someday… when you feel the time is right. I will wait for as long as it takes, and also will try to take myself less seriously. I say I love you for the simplest of reasons. Because I do. XO <3 Love, Beak-less chicken. ;0)
" I dropped a tear in the ocean. The day you find it is the day I will stop missing you."
ReplyDeleteLove, Me.
And you will never know my truth until you come close enough to me.
ReplyDeleteI would like to work through any problems if you are willing. Developing a bond of steel with someone is what I seek. Some one I could put my arms around and never let go of. Ive had practice in the past, I think I can do better now. Just the thought of you moves my cells. Is this real or am I crazy? Ok, I am crazy but is this real? I want to earn your trust, please tell me how. There seem to have been many voices on this board but I am only talking to you. Onk. Have you tried the circle yet?
ReplyDeleteI love you.
ReplyDeleteI feel deep inside the love between us. It's true intimacy of two souls talking to each other, far beyond the superficial thing. I have been so lost for so many years with something sleeping deep inside me and you came and woke me up. Of course you are not in deceitful way, I may have been confused in the past. But now I know, No felony. Awakening takes time.
ReplyDeleteI feel loved by you when you said I was once your reality. You are good at collecting evidence, thanks honey. To me, you were never a reality. I'd rather keep dreaming than hit by a broken dream.
Endless love, Me.
Those evidence you collected give me goose bumps :(. I can't believe i sent you these. You were bad for making me do that, I was bad that I actually did :(.
ReplyDeletePartners in crime :(
We are meant to be :)
Love, XOXO
My love for you blooms with every breath I take.
ReplyDeleteMy love for you is real. Can't you feel it? Its absurd that you asked me this question. My problem is my mind. I have this fixed fear at the thought of seeing you or speaking to you on my own. Who to blame? Me of course. I laid the wrong foundation. More accurately I am scared by myself. You are the only one who can help me fix that.
ReplyDeleteI hate that you used the word"adulation". Who to blame? Me of course. I laid the wrong foundation again.
My head is spinning again... Sometimes, like this moment, I just want to kick you out of my system.
The bond is there and real.
XO, Love, Me.
I didn't pay attention to my mails and I just read the mail and it passed the effective date, but anyway it was faxed and mailed. Hope I could join the circle.
ReplyDeleteAm I talking to a ghost here?
donna ,dove123, murillo,profile,smiling,knew you had it in you and want let you know ,it really makes me very happy now .
ReplyDeletenow then it shall be the final goodbye
have wonderful life ,
Life from here on shall be wonderful!!!
Siiiick photo <3 XXX
ReplyDeleteI love sites that are full of character! Thanks for letting me enjoy a glimpse of your world through your eyes! See you around!
ReplyDeleteDon't worry baby we are going to make it home! 11:11 for fucking ever baby!! Best story of all time gonna change the world happy funtime parade of love everyone gets to come!!!! It feels so fucking good to be back I love you!!! Travelling carnival of awesomeness hurrahhhhhh!!!
ReplyDeleteThe lion lays down with the lamb
ReplyDeleteAnd they are always have a words "lucky" even for small thing and their life..
ReplyDeleteHoney you make me smile. Our foundation is solid, do not fret. It was poured with the greatest of care and attention to detail. The ribbon was cut ages ago. It's perfectly level! We are all set now to build. Together we can weather any storm that may come our way, and we will accomplish such feats with happiness in our souls' and with the power of love bursting from our hearts'. I'm all set to go and I miss you terribly. At least I can still feel that somehow you are with me, even if you are horribly far away. XO <3
ReplyDeletethis speaks to me.
ReplyDeleteIt's safe to love from distance. Lamb <3
ReplyDeleteSomeday, I'll tell you I love you if I saw your smiles, and those smiles are for me. Talking pig <3
ReplyDeleteWould you go on a trip with me? I have tools, let's go hunt for scorpions :)
ReplyDeleteA selfish need with nothing of reality of true love? That's what you want him to think. Deep down he knows how I feel.
ReplyDeleteYou played the part of the person who hurt me most in my life.
ReplyDeletenice thoughts...but sometimes its too hard to pretend like that... :S
ReplyDeletelife isn't a movie after all...
Agree with all the above comments.
ReplyDeleteWeb Designing
I am sorry I hurt you. I broke for a while. Death is a powerful thing.
ReplyDeletereality is one thing ,that when one only hears abundance of lies ,thrown all over.
ReplyDeletethe truth ,once told ,goes unheard .
told you the truth ,though you ignored it and tossed it away
now you share that truth with another
shame on you
Truth is you know me better than I know myself.
ReplyDeleteI very much enjoy reading your posts because they make me feel so many emotions at once. They are daunting but peaceful and thought-inspiring to read.
ReplyDeleteI like to watch romantic comedies because sometimes I wish I were like the girls there who are magically turned from awkward shy girls to stunning ones by meeting prince carming and live happily ever after.
The orchestra, fire and lost only one pigeon in peace despite the chaos. And the fire that consumed the dove as if it were sound, that little handful of decaying life, with nothing to hold the world. And I like the dove behind any one breath, consumed in peace, dichotomous with the chaos inside.
ReplyDeleteI see no difference between us
ReplyDeleteWe dream perfect lives
Which are nothing but imagination
It's all wrong
Every effort is in vain.
My life is reallllly like a movie, but hopefully a comedy!
ReplyDeleteHurt4love
ReplyDeleteI have something especially for you love.
ReplyDeleteI've been warned. You best believe I defend myself and those I love.
ReplyDeleteI have lost my main male character. I am in a lost. Need to learn to play the part alone. Just pretend will be a good start.
ReplyDeleteYou know we are a movie. You know the ending. The kiss at sunset...that is us....I love you more than you will ever know. I hope I get to show you again soon.
ReplyDeleteYou know what love means to me. Truth. Love Rosel Poo!
ReplyDeleteI miss you too my love.
ReplyDeleteThe main character.