I need you to understand something. I wrote this for you. I wrote this for you and only you. Everyone else who reads it, doesn’t get it. They may think they get it, but they don’t. This is the sign you’ve been looking for.
You were meant to read these words.
Dear 'Me,' I am so sad. Today is so awful. In attempt to keep myself together, I tell people the day is beautiful and life is beautiful. Inside i am dying.
I'm riding this murderous bull, which is performing horrifying tricks trying to throw me off. I can see it dragging me alongside itself. My body is completely covered in blood, but I'm still holding on to the strap tied to the bull. And...and that means I'm still alive! Am I going to make it?
I opened an old book today and came across the flowers you gave me in Italy. My god, we were such little kids back then... So in love... I still miss you from time to time.
402 days I've cried for you. Water flowing from my eyes if I stayed there touching the place you used to be, that river would have overflowed its banks. I cry for the pointless destructive things you do hurting yourself in the same way, over and over again. Your hurt preventing you from loving me. I run away from you, not keen to repeat the slow decline that comes from craving reprocity taking slightly less than you need because its all that there is. All you're willing to provide. Till one day I catch sight of myself a starved, emanciated version of what I used to be. And you, still the same, my love of no benefit as you hurt yourself over and over again. So I'll hold on as you mock me for clinging to small pleasures.
I know....You knew I'd have to do this. (You're welcome? ) Ugh. Next GA contract, we need better representation. This sucks. Yeah, get what you deserve, but get clean for the better. Please. (Sigh)
And I don't know how to let anyone else in. Study on books, reading chapters, writing down our history like it matters. Burning paper to make the memories fade away in only my memory. If my thoughts were thrown out if my soul passes to another world.. I would be happy to be away, because the arms that should hug me would be icecold.
Wow, I felt that.
ReplyDelete...because you didn't even hear me as i suffocated under your words. leave me here, i'm happier in your memories.
ReplyDeleteOh, that's sad :(
ReplyDeleteI mentally did a double take.
ReplyDeleteIt's not worth it anymore to you....anymore.
ReplyDeleteDear 'Me,'
ReplyDeleteI am so sad. Today is so awful. In attempt to keep myself together, I tell people the day is beautiful and life is beautiful. Inside i am dying.
On the brink of surrender..
I'm a leader. Not a follower. Me.
ReplyDeleteI'm riding this murderous bull, which is performing horrifying tricks trying to throw me off. I can see it dragging me alongside itself. My body is completely covered in blood, but I'm still holding on to the strap tied to the bull. And...and that means I'm still alive! Am I going to make it?
ReplyDeleteI want to live forever.
It's always a beautiful day somewhere. There's always someone dying somewhere.
ReplyDeleteFear not. You have a talent for survival.
ReplyDeleteThe pain in my chest was a little more than the accumulation of failing organs and loneliness.
ReplyDeleteI died
and nobody
noticed.
Noone notices you're alive. So then why would they notice if you died? You're just a figment of the imagination.
ReplyDeleteI opened an old book today and came across the flowers you gave me in Italy. My god, we were such little kids back then... So in love...
ReplyDeleteI still miss you from time to time.
402 days I've cried for you. Water flowing from my eyes if I stayed there touching the place you used to be, that river would have overflowed its banks.
ReplyDeleteI cry for the pointless destructive things you do hurting yourself in the same way, over and over again. Your hurt preventing you from loving me. I run away from you, not keen to repeat the slow decline that comes from craving reprocity taking slightly less than you need because its all that there is. All you're willing to provide. Till one day I catch sight of myself a starved, emanciated version of what I used to be. And you, still the same, my love of no benefit as you hurt yourself over and over again.
So I'll hold on as you mock me for clinging to small pleasures.
I'm so bad with "good-byes" I rather believe you will always be with me.
ReplyDeleteI'm alive.. So much alive outside till none know my soul already died.. Just like your wish
ReplyDeleteI just have nothing to fear at all, sorry for that :/
ReplyDeleteI do think I deserve it.
I know....You knew I'd have to do this. (You're welcome? ) Ugh. Next GA contract, we need better representation. This sucks. Yeah, get what you deserve, but get clean for the better. Please. (Sigh)
ReplyDeleteFearlessness is not the absence of cowardice. Step up, do the right thing. I need my life back.
ReplyDeleteAnd I don't know how to let anyone else in.
ReplyDeleteStudy on books, reading chapters, writing down our history like it matters. Burning paper to make the memories fade away in only my memory.
If my thoughts were thrown out if my soul passes to another world..
I would be happy to be away, because the arms that should hug me would be icecold.