I need you to understand something. I wrote this for you. I wrote this for you and only you. Everyone else who reads it, doesn’t get it. They may think they get it, but they don’t. This is the sign you’ve been looking for.
You were meant to read these words.
Wednesday, January 4, 2012
The View From The Hospital
If you can't let go, you can't put your heart back in your chest.
We bring out the best and the worst in each other. Suddenly my heart feels normal Im laughing and my looks have somewhat come back I don't ignor my friends nearly as much anymore. Stress and worry are in the back seat for now... you say that you wont contact him You have unfriended him for the second time... How is that even helpful if you are sitting having coffee with him and emailing regularly. You offer him a ride to the airport. You said you wouldn't see him anymore. That he sends you email and you dont respond...lies.keeping things from me is your choice.
He lead me to the other friend you keep.The ones that you practice verbal delight.. Then i think of the other comments i read with winks at the end for all to see and i wonder in private talk what those really mean. All the invites to meet and drink. How do i know Really how? I should trust and just let go.... You dont seem to have a problem lying to me... How can i put my heart in my chest.... I love you so much...hate being first and feeling like second. By the way right now mad..... Tomorrow is a new day babe. Perhaps i will just let go...again
I think this is a lie you invented to blame and justify the things you do, that .... of course won't work. I don't want to see, not because I am scared, but because I enjoy beauty, I can't see ugly all the time. I like pretty things and shiny. And what you do is ugly ugly ugly ....
"If you can't let go, you can't put your heart back in your chest."
This speaks to me, not the hospital part, but this part. I just moved eight hundred miles away from everyone I love, and I can't let go. And so, I can't put my heart back in my chest. It's still with them, eight hundred miles away.
I can't put it back because I'm still waiting for you. I just want you back. I want to open my front door and see you standing there. Your car in the distance. I want to walk into your embrace, your hands all over me eager to touch me but hesitant like you don't want me to know how much you've missed me. I hate that about you so much. That your body screams at me and your lips remain silent. I quickly got tired of listening to your silencebut now in my silence I miss your unspoken words. You make my emptiness seem more vast when you're not in it. You brutally crushed my patteris of being romanced by a poet. I can't love without the words you chose not to speak. It would have been so easy for you. You forced me to part from your eyes, your kiss and your hands, your body against mine, your voice not telling me how you feel on the phone. Come here, tell me I don't need to do this. Its pointless. Save me from this proceedure, its nearly time. I'd love you for ever but I can't love what I don't have.
"I have my own life." Yes, that is manifest. :) Go. I mean it. If we can't do this as friends, please go in the ways that we both know you need to. You can't keep doing this hacking & stalking crap. Hurts enough to not have you in my life the right way. The rest is unbearable. I'll never understand what the hell you get out of it when I'm right here, as available to you as I possibly could be to someone so unavailable yet still demands my attention. We've established how miserable and socially unacceptable you are. Stipulated, and somehow I still like you. For the most part. Stop taking from my life what is not mine to give. Feel like I've been part of some 18 month prank. If you love me - and you know you do, pleeeaaaaasssse..., do the right thing here. Please.
your 18 months are my 2 weeks and a half of a joke. The rest of the time, I didn't like you. You are just the "default mode" I still don't like you .... is just that I'm not in love with no one else by the moment and you are there.
your 18 months are my 2 weeks and a half of a joke. The rest of the time, I didn't like you. You are just the "default mode" I still don't like you .... is just that I'm not in love with no one else by the moment and you are there.
"hacking & stalking crap" well sir, it happens that wasn't my decision, is also something you feed with, you are part of it, and the consecuences will be the same ... for everyone.
Never my decision.
Buy you and your plastic brain won't understand. You still don't understand a thing do you?
You know who you are... I believe the 2-1/2 week thing. :( Sorry you're so bored and don't like me still. Sounds like it's all my fault. Please don't waste your time. Just go default elsewhere. Besides, I'm all out of tissues. Aren't you?
You do love yourself just as you are. That's why you have plenty of tissues and a lot of dirty towels. ;) Too bad we'll never be more than salty-n-sweet crumbs in a to-go container. Sigh*
You are still on my mind every day. I am sorry for the things we said we would do but didn't. You are still my friend but we never talk. All I have left is memories. Where did we go wrong.
"your 18 months are my 2 weeks and a half of a joke. The rest of the time, I didn't like you. You are just the "default mode" I still don't like you .... is just that I'm not in love with no one else by the moment and you are there."
I will reread this every time I forget why I am not talking to him. It's a shame I didn't find it earlier.
Who is in Hospital now?
ReplyDeleteGet well soon, anyway !
this post could not have come at a better time. thank you.
ReplyDeleteI might let you go one day...but not today..-amisery-
ReplyDeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteyou can't tell me you love me when you can't seem to stop talking about her..
ReplyDeleteto endure only more heartache,
ReplyDeletesomehow oh so willingly
We bring out the best and the worst in each other.
ReplyDeleteSuddenly my heart feels normal
Im laughing and my looks have somewhat come back
I don't ignor my friends nearly as much anymore.
Stress and worry are in the back seat for now...
you say that you wont contact him
You have unfriended him for the second time...
How is that even helpful if you are sitting having coffee with him and emailing regularly.
You offer him a ride to the airport. You said you wouldn't see him anymore. That he sends you email and you dont respond...lies.keeping things from me is your choice.
He lead me to the other friend you keep.The ones that you practice verbal delight..
Then i think of the other comments i read with winks at the end for all to see and i wonder in private talk what those really mean.
All the invites to meet and drink. How do i know
Really how?
I should trust and just let go....
You dont seem to have a problem lying to me...
How can i put my heart in my chest....
I love you so much...hate being first and feeling like second.
By the way right now mad.....
Tomorrow is a new day babe.
Perhaps i will just let go...again
Huh?
ReplyDeleteThere's a disclaimer at the top if you don't get it.
ReplyDeleteI don't know what you are talking about :/ really ....
ReplyDeleteI think this is a lie you invented to blame and justify the things you do, that .... of course won't work. I don't want to see, not because I am scared, but because I enjoy beauty, I can't see ugly all the time. I like pretty things and shiny. And what you do is ugly ugly ugly ....
ReplyDeleteWell, who does ugly, gets ugly. There you go.
Enjoy it!! ;)
I think you just skiped to another universe ..... usually called "crazyness"
ReplyDeleteTrust me, that didn't happen
Nice post as usual :D
No... THESE HANDS AREN'T DONE YET.
ReplyDeleteThat is it, most people can't handle what their heart is asking for, like if was wrong, or an alien in their own body.
ReplyDeleteThen they live with regret aaaallll the time.
Then where disturbing you when they "love" you and didn't want you, and when there is no chance .... because they can't handle their heart.
Acting as heartless people.
Ugh ... that hurts
Not my case ;)
Don't you know that the heart is smarter than your brain??
ReplyDeleteperfectly harmonious ♥
ReplyDelete♫ Well, I've just found me a brand new box of matches ... yeeeeahh ♫
ReplyDelete[.............]
"If you can't let go, you can't put your heart back in your chest."
ReplyDeleteThis speaks to me, not the hospital part, but this part. I just moved eight hundred miles away from everyone I love, and I can't let go. And so, I can't put my heart back in my chest. It's still with them, eight hundred miles away.
I can't put it back because I'm still waiting for you. I just want you back. I want to open my front door and see you standing there. Your car in the distance. I want to walk into your embrace, your hands all over me eager to touch me but hesitant like you don't want me to know how much you've missed me. I hate that about you so much. That your body screams at me and your lips remain silent. I quickly got tired of listening to your silencebut now in my silence I miss your unspoken words. You make my emptiness seem more vast when you're not in it. You brutally crushed my patteris of being romanced by a poet. I can't love without the words you chose not to speak. It would have been so easy for you. You forced me to part from your eyes, your kiss and your hands, your body against mine, your voice not telling me how you feel on the phone. Come here, tell me I don't need to do this. Its pointless. Save me from this proceedure, its nearly time. I'd love you for ever but I can't love what I don't have.
ReplyDeleteDo what you have to do, I have my own life :)
ReplyDelete"I have my own life." Yes, that is manifest. :) Go. I mean it. If we can't do this as friends, please go in the ways that we both know you need to. You can't keep doing this hacking & stalking crap. Hurts enough to not have you in my life the right way. The rest is unbearable. I'll never understand what the hell you get out of it when I'm right here, as available to you as I possibly could be to someone so unavailable yet still demands my attention. We've established how miserable and socially unacceptable you are. Stipulated, and somehow I still like you. For the most part. Stop taking from my life what is not mine to give. Feel like I've been part of some 18 month prank. If you love me - and you know you do, pleeeaaaaasssse..., do the right thing here. Please.
ReplyDeleteI love this...
ReplyDeleteWhen i let you go, then i get my heart beat once again
"miserable and socially unacceptable" me?? are you on drugs or something??
ReplyDeleteThe classist on the "top of the world" spoke ....
pleassseeee aren't you pathetic?
.... all of this with all of my Love *drawing a heart* *smile* :)
your 18 months are my 2 weeks and a half of a joke. The rest of the time, I didn't like you. You are just the "default mode"
ReplyDeleteI still don't like you .... is just that I'm not in love with no one else by the moment and you are there.
your 18 months are my 2 weeks and a half of a joke. The rest of the time, I didn't like you. You are just the "default mode"
ReplyDeleteI still don't like you .... is just that I'm not in love with no one else by the moment and you are there.
"hacking & stalking crap" well sir, it happens that wasn't my decision, is also something you feed with, you are part of it, and the consecuences will be the same ... for everyone.
ReplyDeleteNever my decision.
Buy you and your plastic brain won't understand. You still don't understand a thing do you?
And if you want to tell me something, look for me and stop writting things here.
ReplyDeleteIt's annoying to others.
Otherwise dissapear.
You know who you are... I believe the 2-1/2 week thing. :( Sorry you're so bored and don't like me still. Sounds like it's all my fault. Please don't waste your time. Just go default elsewhere. Besides, I'm all out of tissues. Aren't you?
ReplyDeleteYeah, no wonder why you don't have tissues, and no, I'm not running out of tissues, no one is here doing *x### to me all the time.
ReplyDeleteWell, it's your job. You see? that is why I don't work maybe ...
I love myself, just as I am.
You do love yourself just as you are. That's why you have plenty of tissues and a lot of dirty towels. ;) Too bad we'll never be more than salty-n-sweet crumbs in a to-go container. Sigh*
ReplyDeleteHeart's back. Left today.
ReplyDeleteThe most beautiful baby in the world was born on New Year's Day.
ReplyDeleteYou are still on my mind every day. I am sorry for the things we said we would do but didn't. You are still my friend but we never talk. All I have left is memories. Where did we go wrong.
ReplyDelete"your 18 months are my 2 weeks and a half of a joke. The rest of the time, I didn't like you. You are just the "default mode"
ReplyDeleteI still don't like you .... is just that I'm not in love with no one else by the moment and you are there."
I will reread this every time I forget why I am not talking to him. It's a shame I didn't find it earlier.