I Wrote This For You

The Universe Will Take You

2012-01-26T23:41:00.000-08:00

They might not like you at school.

And they might not like you at work.

And they might not like you in a park.

And they might not like you on the moon.

And they might not like you in summer.

When you say they remind you of winter.

But this universe, will always love you.

This universe, will take you.

The Missing Bread Crumbs

2012-01-26T02:09:00.000-08:00

Stop telling me to follow my heart. It once led me to you.

The Morning Bell

2012-01-25T01:39:00.000-08:00

"Did you see them? With all their feelings hanging out? With their emotions exposed?"

"I know, what a freak."

"What are you doing tonight?"

"Crying myself to sleep, wondering why I never truly feel loved. You?"

"Same."

Kindness From Strangers

2012-01-24T06:58:00.000-08:00

You have until the 9th of February to enter the competition and win a signed copy of I Wrote This For You, I've pasted some of the entries we've already got below.

All you have to do is create something new or interesting with the text below OR print it out and photograph it in an interesting space, then email it to me at pleasefindthis at gmail dot com.

"I wrote a book for you. If you google the words “I Wrote This For You” you should be able to find it. If you can, I’d appreciate it if you’d print this image out or post it to your tumblr or blog. It would mean a lot to me."

The Final Exam

2012-01-24T02:13:00.000-08:00

a) Rain is the sound of the night rolling over in its sleep.

b) Rain is a record of broken promises and each one is sent back to earth to clean it.

c) Rain is life by a 1000 cuts.

d) Rain is a coronary anesthetic.

e) Rain is the world secretly crying for you, when no one else will.

The Start Of The World Wide War

2012-01-22T22:47:00.000-08:00

Please know that they shot first, when they tried to outlaw our entire culture and our way of being, when they threw us off our land.

Please understand that our only weapons were our eyes and our collective voices and when they marched on us, when they raised their clubs in rude salutes to the sun, we held up our camera phones and said over and over and over again:

The whole world is watching.

And when they were so ashamed of who they were, they wanted, needed us to close our eyes, they pepper-sprayed our faces, as we held each other close, as they revealed their true nature, to the tune of 1000, 1000 jackboots marching and we sat there and cried.

Please know that they did their best to divide us, to tell us that where the water met the dirt we were born on was somehow sacred, that the strips of colour on the flap of fabric waving above our heads were holy, that the way the light refracted off our skins defined our character.

They drove their cars through us in Tahir Square and they took our pensions on Wall Street and then they told us we were going to jail because we shared songs with each other.

I know that you do not have fat, bloated middlemen, I know the dictators have fallen, I know that the gatekeepers have all faded out and you live as earthlings, undivided by imaginary borders and differences.

Because I know I was born here on the blue electric fields, in the democracy of ideas, in the new country.

And this is a place worth dying for.

The Awkwardness Of Me

2012-01-20T02:10:00.000-08:00

You make me say stupid things.

The Correct And Proper Way To Feel

2012-01-18T22:48:00.000-08:00

"Is this how I'm supposed to feel now?"

"I don't know, I'll check the manual."

"And?"

"It says that you're feeling the right way."

"What way is that?"

"It says that there is no right way to feel but, right now, after something like this happens, you do need to feel however you're feeling and that feeling this way, however you're feeling, is healthy."

"That doesn't sound very scientific."

"It has nothing to do with science."

"Does it say anything else?"

"It says you'll break something if you beat yourself up for the way you feel and that you won't be able to feel differently until you've finished feeling this feeling."

"Ok. How long will that take?"

"I don't know. How do you feel?"

The [CENSORED BY SOPA/PIPA]

2012-01-17T22:26:00.000-08:00

We live on the cusp of a new era of enlightenment in the history of ourspecies.

SOPA and PIPA, two bills currently under consideration inthe US, threaten that era.

If these bills had existed when I first started writing IWrote This For You, many people would have been too afraid to share it witheach other and it would never have enjoyed the measure of success andpopularity it has.

Those of you who are young may take for granted the globalcommunity we have fostered with each other over these last, short few years butI assure you, the freedom of speech and democracy of ideas created by theinternet has been on par with the invention of language in terms of it’s impacton all of us.

Certain narrow-minded US Lawmakers would destroy one of mankind’s greatest inventions, purposely breaking it so as to brieflyappease their paymasters.

Like angry cavemen smashing the wheel because they do notunderstand it’s significance.

Those of us who are compassionate, who believe in furtheringthe causes of mankind and creating a better world for all, should not, cannotstand idly by while financial greed drives those who have power over you andme, backward, further into the dark.

Please, if you are an American citizen, contact yourlawmakers and voice your opposition, let them know that if they pursue thiscause of action, they have no place in the world we’re trying to build, letthem know that you believe they should be permanently removed from theirpositions as decision makers if they support this, as the last thing they canrepresent if they choose to gag them, is people.

If you are not an American citizen, contact the AmericanEmbassy is your country and register your displeasure of this violation.

This is not an American issue and those who believe it is,do not understand how the internet works.

This is a global threat to the freedom of ideas and speechthat has only just been born, that has only just learned how to walk.

And now, we must teach it, to fight.

There will be no I Wrote This For You today, nor Wikipedia,nor reddit, nor many others.

Join us.

- - pleasefindthis.

_________

Please read more by clicking here or watch this video and see for yourself what’s at stake.

The Language Of Stars

2012-01-17T10:52:00.000-08:00

Love:

To discover there's at least one other real person on planet Earth.

Loss:

To discover that the aliens, can look just like you.

The Snow Falls On Forever (Hush)

2012-01-16T03:49:00.000-08:00

You can't miss forever.

No matter how close forever feels right now.

You can't hurt forever.

Even if your heart whispers in your ear and tries to convince you otherwise.

You can't bleed forever.

Sooner or later, you will either die or live.

Neither of us can do anything for forever.

Because forever passed away, long ago.

The Hate Feeds The Hate

2012-01-13T00:58:00.000-08:00

You say there is an 'us' and a 'them' and we must fight.

I say there is only an us. And we must love.

The War Against The Sea

2012-01-12T01:10:00.000-08:00

You say that only a fool believes that everyone has some good in their heart.

You say that only a fool makes music in their mind.

You say that only a fool loves hate back.

You say that only a fool leans against the wind.

You say that only a fool takes on a planet.

You say that only a fool holds out hope.

You say that only a fool tries to fly.

You say that only a fool fights the sea.

Very well.

I am that fool. And I will die fighting.

The Loneliest Personal Ad

2012-01-10T23:20:00.000-08:00

Introvert seeks someone you can't trust. Apply without.

The State Of The Artist

2012-01-10T03:19:00.000-08:00

You, as an artist, have the greatest responsibility of all.

You are charged with trying to make people feel, in a world that tells them not to.

You are tasked with speaking soft words, painting, playing, filming, writing moments of such magnitude and beauty that people rediscover their hearts one more (last) time.

You are here to give meaning to the few decades we spend here.

That is the reason you were sent to Earth.

How We Won

2012-01-09T07:14:00.000-08:00

Here are the three most important things for you to take out of this experience.

1.

It was incredibly hard to choose and the standard of entry was phenomenal but, the winner of our competition is Steven Solis for the two pictures above (Jon likes the black and white one, I like the one on the street sign, both were taken by him). Congratulations. Send me your postal address so I can send you a signed copy of I Wrote This For You.

2.

The competition went so well, we're going to run another one. So, scroll down after point three to see how the next one will work.

3.

This is actually quite big for some people I think: I Wrote This For You is now available in new, white tumblr flavour. Click here to check it out. It'll be updated at the same time as the main site and also include whatever we deem to be in the spirit of I Wrote This For You.

____________

How To Win A Signed Copy of I Wrote This For You

Remember this?

To enter the next competition, you have to redesign/photograph/draw/interpret the message above, without changing the words. You could draw the words on your arm in sharpie, write it in the sand at the beach, paint it on a wall, whatever you think is best.

Then, send it to me at pleasefindthis at gmail dot com.

The most creative entry wins a signed copy of I Wrote This For You as well as my love and respect.

The deadline is the 9th of February, so you have a month from today.

I wish you all the joy in the world and hope everlasting.

The Fractals Of Time Passing

2012-01-08T23:51:00.000-08:00

Today you became a yesterday, when once you were a tomorrow.

The Nature Of Science

2012-01-06T01:28:00.000-08:00

I have theories about what it takes to talk to you again.

I have theories about what normal is supposed to feel like.

I have theories about how many times a heart can be heard.

Just theories.

You Can Now Order I Wrote This For You From Pretty Much Anywhere

2012-01-05T23:51:00.000-08:00

[Edit: You can also get the paperback from http://www.bookdepository.co.uk/ which apparently also has free worldwide shipping. Click here.]

So late last night (for me) and early this morning (for my publisher) we hatched a cunning plan.

No matter where in the world you are, you can now click here to order the I Wrote This For You book directly from them.

Michelle, our wonderful contact, will liase with you over email, keep you informed of shipping costs and do her best to make sure the book reaches you.

I know it's been frustrating for a lot of people who haven't been able to get their hands on the book and I'm incredibly sorry for that, it's honestly all I've ever wanted from this. We've found out that the shipping costs through some local book stores, with their mark up, are more than the book itself, which is already quite pricey because it's got nearly 200 photographs in it (which are expensive to print) so hopefully this will be a better option.

You can still order it off amazon, Barnes & Noble and iTunes (if you've already got a copy, please take a moment to review the book on those sites, it'd mean the world to me.)

Stay beautiful.

The Breaking Of People

2012-01-05T01:21:00.000-08:00

You can try being broken and you can try forgetting. All I know is I am no longer broken about the things I have forgotten.

The View From The Hospital

2012-01-04T01:13:00.000-08:00

If you can't let go, you can't put your heart back in your chest.

The World Is A Monster

2012-01-03T02:49:00.000-08:00

Scratching at the windows and the door, the world could not wait to kill us.

They got in so slowly, with distractions and memos, with forgotten dinners and missed calls.

No.

The world could not wait to kill us.

And I clutched you close, and I swear: I wished on every wish, that neither of us would fall.

But, no.

The world could not wait to kill us.

And we died.

The Feeling Of Someone Drawing You

2012-01-02T01:41:00.000-08:00

And if you want to know the feeling I'm talking about, run your own fingers slowly through your hair, and pretend they're someone else's.

A New Years Thank You

2011-12-30T23:32:00.000-08:00

Thank you.

I Wrote This For You:

Debuted at #1 on the American iTunes Poetry Bestseller List. It's still there.

Debuted at #1 on the United Kingdom iTunes Poetry Bestseller List.

Made it to #1 on the Canadian iTunes Poetry Bestseller List. And it's still there.

Made it into the Australian iTunes Poetry Bestsellers List.

Made it into the Amazon Poetry Bestseller List.

Made it into the Amazon Photography Bestseller List.

Made it into the Amazon Fiction & Literature Bestseller List.

Was one of the top 400 books on Barnes & Noble off pre-orders alone on launch day.

As I have stated on twitter and facebook, this is more than I ever dreamed or asked for, I've cried and laughed, at the same time, several times now. This has broken me in the most wonderful way. I'll say it one more time: I will work the hardest I ever have to make sure that I earn and justify the love you have shared. I will never, ever, forget.

____

An extra-special thanks to the people who've entered the I Wrote This For You Somewhere You Could Find It competition. See their amazing pictures below, you still have till the end of the 1st of January 2012 to enter - I'll be sending the winner the first signed copy of I Wrote This For You.

______

Another thank you to those of you who shared this picture. Please, keep sharing/blogging/tweeting/facebooking it <3

Like love, it's spreading.

I've had to fight with myself to not be here 24 hours a day since the launch of the book but I know that if I want to start the year off right, I need to clear my head and be outside in the air for a while. I owe you my best work.

I hope you meet your other-half somewhere special tonight and that you kiss at exactly midnight, as all the clocks in the world mourn the loss of another year. I hope 2012 is the most amazing year of your life and that you accomplish things you never dreamed you'd accomplish. I hope that no matter how you feel, you always feel better.

I hope that one day, I can repay you for being as amazing as you are.

I love you so much it hurts.

I love you.

I love you.

I love you.

- Me

Heso Magazine Interview

2011-12-26T00:02:00.000-08:00

It goes like the joke: A guy walks into a bar in Tokyo, orders a beer and looks around for people, mostly men, fondling, mostly large, black, analog, cameras. Eyes peer up over pint glasses as the man approaches with his own large, black, analog camera and sets it and the beer down with satisfying clunks on the wet, cigarette ash strewn tabletop. He takes off a scarf and a jacket, maybe a hat, shakes some hands, smiles and eyes the people’s cameras he doesn’t know... [Click here to read the rest]

The Tree In A Forest

2011-12-24T09:42:00.000-08:00

And if you're alone, I hope you know that I'm alone too. So I believe we will be friends.
___

PS.

You are beautiful and loved by the universe that made you, with every atom and star moving in perfect alignment to make you, you.

The Memory Of Beauty

2011-12-22T13:44:00.000-08:00

I hope things are beautiful. And if they're not, then I hope you remember this moment right now when they are. Because you've got to hold up each and every other moment to the moment when things are beautiful and say

"Look. I told you. Remember this."

[Edit: I need to say this here: I Wrote This For You is moving up and down on the amazon poetry best seller's list (check next to sales rank for its current position). This is because of you. I thank you with every fiber of my being and will never, ever forget the kindness you've shown me. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.)]

The Forest Of Rain

2011-12-21T00:03:00.000-08:00

Understand that, the prisons you've built are of your own design.

Understand that, you should be the person you wanted to be when you woke up this morning.

Understand that, the world desperately wants to love you, if you'll let it.

Understand that, you deserve that love, even if you don't feel like it.

Understand that, love can hit a planet like a comet.

Understand that, the rain can unrain, if you want it to.

The Official Launch Of I Wrote This For You

2011-12-20T01:05:00.000-08:00

The following words are arranged in order of importance.

Firstly, take a moment to donate to the flooding in the Philippines.

I get asked every day if I Wrote This For You is going to be available over there and the least I can do, considering the kindness that’s been shown to me, is draw some attention to the recent flooding.

My publisher is giving away 50 free ebook copies of I Wrote This For You for review purposes to bloggers. All you have to do is tweet a request to her at @ireadiwrite (include the url of your blog.)

Today, after writing the first sentence in a spiral-bound notebook by the side of my bed in 2006 (and the first sentence on the blog on the 5^th of July, 2007), I Wrote This For You is officially being released as a book, although you’ve been able to pre-order it for a few days now and some people have even managed to get some advanced copies.

Here are several questions that I haven’t answered over the years that have been emailed to me, asked in the comments section or simply questions that I believe should be asked.

Who are you?

No.

Who I am isn’t as important as the story I want to tell. I write the blog semi-anonymously and anyone with 5 minutes to spare on google could easily find out everything they’d ever want to know about the project or me. The rule is, I don’t have a name here. The name gets in the way of the story.

Trent Reznor gets to be Nine Inch Nails when he’s on stage or recording an album. Stefani Joanne Angelina Germanotta gets to be Lady Gaga. I get to be pleasefindthis or ‘Me’ here.

Is the blog real?

You’re here aren’t you?

How do people react to the blog or you when they find out you write it?

It’s mostly positive. I try not to be too much of a let down in real life. It’s very strange for me as I’m quite a closed person. I enjoy my privacy, which is a strange thing to say I guess considering I’ve spent the last few years publishing the most intimate details of my thought process online.

There are people who have a kind of cynical “Ewww, gross! Emotions! Where’s your sense of detached irony?!” view on things but I feel sorry for those people more than anything.

There’s a generation that have reached or are reaching adulthood right now that have been raised in an entirely different way to any other generation before it - and they look upon those of us who insist on viewing the world with that detached sense of irony or cynicism like we’re crazy. There’s a generation of people who aren’t ashamed of how they feel or expressing how they feel, is what I mean. I think that’s beautiful.

Why has it taken so long to turn the blog into a book?

Because it’s complicated. It’s not a story about vampires or wizards or a spy thriller. It’s hardly even a story at times as much as it is an experience. Myself and Jon, the photographer, do what we enjoy first. We were pleasantly surprised when we discovered that people liked it and then mortified at the skepticism and confusion of the traditional publishing industry when we showed it to them. We had more followers/readers than all the authors in some publishing houses combined, and we still got form rejection letters from them. One of the few that did express interest asked if we could give it a slightly more ‘religious spin’.

I’m not comfortable with pretending I’m writing on behalf of some deity. In fact, I published my real name next to the work for a while because people started treating me like a guru or Buddha figure. I am not that. I am human.

Michelle at ireadiwrite, our publisher, is wonderful, the press is small and allows us a lot of creative control. We’re important to them, they’re important to us, and that’s a wonderful dynamic to have in a relationship.

However, next time I’d like to do something simple. Do you have any idea how hard it is just to describe what I Wrote This For You is to someone who’s never heard of it?

Why should anyone bother buying the book when everything’s available on the blog for free?

The book is divided up into four sections; Sun, Moon, Stars, Rain – which is a tribute to Anyone Lived In A Pretty How Town by E.E. Cummings as it’s my favourite work of literature that revolves around pro-nouns.

Those four different sections collect the posts into four distinct phases that describe, hopefully, the human condition. Sun is about looking for love or the potential for love. Moon is about the act of being in love. Stars is the loss of that love. Rain is about rediscovering hope in life, at the end of that cycle.

The blog, on the other hand, jumps around. I can’t, for obvious reasons, write very often about the way I currently am or feel or it’d be like treating everyone in my life like they were on a reality TV program.

So I write about events and relationships at random quite often, and jump around, referencing old love letters, things I said or that were said to me and so on. The book makes sense of this randomness and hopefully, puts it in some kind of order.

There’s also several entries that only appear in the book, including an ending. I wrote the final entry, several minutes after I wrote the first one in 2006. You can’t write your first sentence, really, until you’ve written your last.

Does that mean I Wrote This For You is over?

No. But I will be taking a short break over Christmas and New Years just to recharge my batteries. I’d like to do more, such as a spoken word album or live readings where my readers are, doing that however all depends on the success of the book.

In saying that, I think people forget that I have to do this over and above a very demanding day job, which right now, pays all the bills. We, like postsecret, don’t advertise on the blog, don’t do giveaways or run competitions on behalf of other people or sell text links or do product reviews, which seems to be the preferred way to make money from a blog these days.

That’s because I, and I think I can speak for Jon here too, don’t want to succeed on anyone else’s terms but our own.

Put it this way, I’d rather be dirt poor on my own terms than rich on someone else’s.

Is the book available at a store near me?

Probably not unless you ask them to order it for you, which I encourage you to do. I live on the tip of Africa, the photographer lives in Germany, our publisher is in Canada, our main readership resides either in the continental United States or Malaysia. Organising a global, store-front release that’d make everyone happy would be impossible so we’re focusing our energies online.

So if you can order from Amazon, Barnes & Noble or iTunes, we’ve got you covered.

If you can’t, I feel your pain. iBooks isn’t even available in my country and Amazon delivers here with only varying degrees of success. We’re doing our best and working with our publisher to make sure it’s as widely available as possible. Hang in there.

What else?

If you could spread the word about the book, paste the image below on your blog or tumblr, it would be sincerely appreciated. Our budget for all of this is exactly $0 and whatever money we do spend comes straight out of our own pockets at this point.

You can catch an interview with me in Cosmopolitan (South Africa) in January and with Jon in Heso Magazine (Japan) in the next month or so. Any other journalists are welcome to contact us on pleasefindthis at gmail dot com.

I’ll be answering any questions anyone has in the comments section below for at least the next 24 hours.

______

Finally, thank you for reading. You have no idea how well-timed, anonymous or otherwise comments here have turned everything around completely at times. I occasionally find myself in dark places (shocking, I know) and you, yes you, just by choosing to spend time with my words have been the light that’s drawn me out of those places.

I love you and can never fully repay you for that.

Thank you,

The Forest Of Stars

2011-12-19T23:13:00.000-08:00

There's no point in me saying I miss you (I miss you).

The Forest Of The Moon

2011-12-19T01:48:00.000-08:00

I can't remember what it felt like to be in love with you. I just know that something's missing.

The Forest Of The Sun

2011-12-16T05:33:00.000-08:00

I picked up my hat and started to write.

"You are a place in a story, in which I stop and find myself.

You are my best problem.

And I want you to feel this. Because this is what it feels like."

The Sky Is Made Of Wishes

2011-12-15T02:06:00.000-08:00

On other planets, they look up and wish upon you.
Because on other planets, you live on a star.

The Grasping Of Stars

2011-12-13T13:25:00.000-08:00

They'll tell you that you're the ground. Remember that you hold up the sky.

The Dirt Beneath Fingernails

2011-12-12T13:58:00.000-08:00

Even though cold is colder. Far is further. Now is longer. Even though it takes so long to dig myself out of you. I still dig.

The Silence Goes For Miles

2011-12-08T13:39:00.000-08:00

Don't settle for someone who doesn't give you things to say. Forever is a long time to make small talk.

The Stillness Of Patience

2011-12-07T14:28:00.000-08:00

When you can, let me know how long you're willing to miss me for.

The Tears Of Snowmen

2011-12-06T14:16:00.000-08:00

I just wish you still made me nervous.

A Special Entry: The Sacred Ground

2011-12-05T12:58:00.000-08:00

[Edit: You can pre-order the book right now at Barnes & Noble here]

I have news. I mentioned it on facebook and on twitter. But now I have details. And the only place I haven't said anything, is here.

After a long time, the book I've been working on for you, is done. Nearly 200 of the best, most relevant entries and photos from the I Wrote This For You project are being published on the 20th of December 2011 in print and as an ebook.

The book is split up into four sections; Sun, Moon, Stars, Rain.

It puts things into an order.

It also contains several entries that only appear between its pages.

An enhanced version of the book for tablets will appear next year with music, readings and video.

More news will follow.

If you'd like to get involved, I need someone to write 'iwrotethisforyou.me' in the most interesting place they can find (no freeway overpasses). Napkins, books left behind, notes on notice boards or slipped under doors, leaves, the dust on car windows or traced over someone's skin.

I just never want anyone to come here who didn't find something.

Between now and January 1, If you write 'iwrotethisforyou.me' somewhere interesting, where someone can find it, and send me the picture at pleasefindthis at gmail dot com, I'll post the best ones to facebook and send the creator of the most creative entry a signed copy of the I Wrote This For You book.

There's a lot of exciting stuff happening and I've never been happier here, doing this, with you.

Until the end. I miss you. I love you,

The Realness

2011-12-02T00:02:00.000-08:00

On the stage they stand, like statues waiting for the world to end.

The crowd walks in and sees the make up, and thinks it's make up.

They see the tricks, and think they're tricks.

They see a shot ring out from what they think is a toy gun and someone dies, again.

And as you leave, one of them presses a note into your hand.

"It's not pretend. It's all real. Please help me."

The Chest Cavity

2011-11-30T13:50:00.000-08:00

“It just creates and then fulfills a series of needs.”

“That’s all it does?”

“Yip.”

“So why is it so sensitive? It’s not like it’s conscious.”

“It has a degree of choice but not nearly to the same extent as a certain other machine.”

“How do you mean?”

“It creates lists.”

“Lists?”

“Yes, lists. It orders the things it wants to do and then does them, in order of what it defines as most important to it.”

“It doesn’t sound terribly impressive.”

“It is the most important machine here. In fact, it creates importance. It decides whether or not you consider the taste of something more important than the effect of it or whether the feeling of a song is more important than how tired your legs are. It decides whether or not it’s more important to you to spend time with the ones you love than it is to be at work. It decides whether or not it’s more important to you to pay your bills than do the things you’d rather be doing.”

“Bloody hell.”

“You know what the worst part is?”

“What?”

“This isn’t the first time I’ve been called down here to fix it.”

“It breaks often?”

“Not often. But it does break. I’ve seen ones that have broken too often or too much. Held together with bits of tape and string. A great sheet of nothing wrapped around, just so they can hold it together.”

“Could that happen to this one?”

“It has the words ‘Anything Can And Quite Often Does Happen.’ inscribed across the front. What do you think?”

“I think it’s insane.”

“Correct.”

The Time Served

2011-11-29T13:56:00.000-08:00

This one is about how music gets ruined by the people you're no longer with.

This one counts seconds between moments.

This one desperately dresses wounds with logical statements.

This one only makes sense to the person who says it, until someone else, understands.

This one is here just to fill all the space that's left.

This is one you hear everyday.

This one is six words long.

This one, hates the last one.

This, is the sentence you still haunt.

The Fact That I'm Just Not Perfect

2011-11-25T08:49:00.000-08:00

(The highways are filled with the dead inside).

The highways are filled with people on their way to other people.

(Look at the way they're looking at you with glassy eyes).

Look at how lonely they are and desperate for another human.

(The world needs to be burned down. Look at the news).

The world is filled with beautiful people. Look at the news.

(Never apologise).

I'm sorry.

(I am me).

No.

You're not.

The Last Meal Request

2011-11-24T05:34:00.000-08:00

You don't get to yell at me for being dead, if you're the one that killed me.

The Room Is Nearly Empty

2011-11-23T05:54:00.000-08:00

I already know what your plans for the weekend are.

I've been thoroughly briefed on the weather.

I've extrapolated your metaphors to illustrate your point.

I've heard your dissertation on what's wrong with the world.

I've paraded along next to your monologue.

So please. For me

Fill this silence with the words you promised to say.

The Art Of Breathing

2011-11-22T00:31:00.000-08:00

And in the beginning, my lungs had too much air in them, whenever you were near, like I could never breathe out enough.

And in the end, my throat closed, whenever you were far, like I could never breathe in again.

The Flock Of Humans

2011-11-21T01:46:00.000-08:00

I am with you, from Johannesburg, to Japan.

I am with you, from your first word, to your last.

I am with you, from your cracked ribs, to the corners of your smile.

I am with you, from the hotels, to the streets.

I am with you, from a raised fist in a crowd, to a single white dove.

I am with you. I am with you. I am with, you.

The Way Water Flows

2011-11-18T01:03:00.000-08:00

"What a beautiful day." You said, as I died.

The Invisible Postal Service

2011-11-16T12:24:00.000-08:00

I keep thinking you already know. I keep thinking I've sent you letters that were only ever written in my mind.

The Protestors In The Park

2011-11-14T23:47:00.000-08:00

And all around, people fall like leaves in the snow. But those who cut you down, do not know, they are planting a forest.

The Forgotten Feeling

2011-11-11T10:34:00.000-08:00

I know there was something before you. I just can't remember what it was.

The Future Of Text Books

2011-11-08T10:50:00.000-08:00

Should any child be reading this in a history book, you should know that we loved. I hope that hasn't changed.

The Garbage I Became

2011-11-07T04:42:00.000-08:00

Now the TV's on at 3am and you're sleeping on the couch, because you can.

Now the plate is where you left it, no one else is going to move it for you.

Now the politics of blankets are gone.

Now the people on the radio sound so far away.

Now you've got no plans when you wake up, just keep on keeping on.

Now the morning fades to light, to twilight, to night.

Now you rinse and repeat.

Now you remove the sleeve and remove the film.

Now you remove the sleeve and pierce the film several times.

Now dinner takes exactly 2:30 minutes.

Now the earth hurtles through the universe around a giant ball of fire.

Now none of your acquaintances know they're really your only friends.

Now none of your friends know they're just acquaintances.

Now you've got to get used to being alone, like when you're born, like when you die.

Now you're free.

Now you can do whatever you want.

You just have to do it alone.

The Rain Thieves

2011-11-02T01:05:00.000-07:00

Someone has stolen the music from the rain. Now it's just a distant noise. Playing for you. An audience of one.

The Dark Room

2011-11-01T04:56:00.000-07:00

In this room. With the curtains drawn. With the lights on. The sun shining outside. This is where you hurt the most.

The Missing Machine

2011-10-31T03:06:00.000-07:00

There's a folder of pictures I can't open.

There's so many songs that don't sound the same.

There's a number I can't dial and a message I can't send.

There's a restaurant I can't eat at, not with any friends.

There's words and names I can only say in my head.

There's a pair of eyes that belong to you, that I can never look into again.

The Whole World Is Watching

2011-10-28T11:11:00.000-07:00

You're younger than you'll be tomorrow. You've never been closer to the day you die. Go. Now.

The Crossing Of Soldiers

2011-10-25T00:10:00.000-07:00

I have been on this battlefield many times before. I have seen corpses rise like flowers in spring to face the fate you bring, to battle the same battle, time and time again. I have seen them rip off their shrouds and put on ancient armour, just to be struck through the heart, once more. To find peace in the earth. To sleep. Until they are called upon again.

The Tour Of The Impenetrable Fortress

2011-10-21T02:44:00.000-07:00

"What type of building is this? Why would you hide all the beautiful things inside where no one can see them? From the outside, all I see is pipes and bricks, broken and rusted scaffolding, dirt and grime. No one would want to enter this place."

"Because I live inside. And other people, live outside."

The Dawn Of Days

2011-10-19T05:13:00.000-07:00

Today happened because you're here. The days seem to leave when you do.

The Arrivals Lounge

2011-10-13T02:59:00.000-07:00

A plane landed and a man in a scruffy coat leaned forward and wondered if this was the one. People got off and walked into the large, gleaming white terminal, where they were either met by others (some in tears but everyone smiling) or if no one was there to greet them, they looked around, shrugged, sat down in one of the long rows of aluminum chairs and either listened to music or read a book or just stared off into the distance in the kind of shell shock that normally comes from long distance travel. Several made phone calls. One, for whatever strange reason, tried to go back through the gate, to get back on the plane. Security, gently, held him at bay.

The old man had seen it all before but he didn't mind waiting. He'd gotten quite good at it. There were exactly 128 chairs in terminal D. The roof had exactly 864 crisscrossing tiles. The planes landed every 11 hours, 59 minutes and 59 seconds. He knew. He'd had enough time to count. He read the paper. It was always the same paper, but each day, there was always a different story about someone he knew on the front page.

Exactly 11 hours, 59 minutes and 59 seconds later, he was too absorbed in the paper and the lullaby of the announcer coming over the terminal speakers to notice the small, diminutive female form standing next to him.

"Hello." She said.

He looked up from his paper.

"I think I know you."

"Yes, I think you do." He replied.

"You once swapped your last packet of cigarettes for a bicycle, in the middle of the war, then rode it for five hours to see me."

"I think that was me. I can't remember. I think we ran a grocery store together. I remember cobblestone streets and a newsagent next door. The children would buy comic books. There was a harbour."

"I think that happened."

There was a silence.

"How was your flight?" he finally asked.

"Good. There was some turbulence towards the end but other than that it was fine."

She rubbed her arms.

"Did you get everything done that you needed to do?"

"Quite a bit. Most of it I think."

"Well, that's all you can really ask for."

"I suppose so. The tea was nice."

"That's good then." He said with a smile.

"Are we supposed to get a taxi now?"

"No, not yet I don't think."

"Then what do we do?"

He cleared some space next to him on the aluminum chair then took his coat off and scrunched it up to make a pillow.

"I think we're meeting someone."

"Oh. Will we have to wait long?"

"No. Not in the greater scheme of things. They serve tea, just ask for one when the woman comes round with the tray."

"Is it good?"

"The best you've ever tasted."

By the time the next plane landed, she'd fallen asleep on his shoulder.

The Flooding Of My Mind

2011-10-06T04:34:00.000-07:00

No more forts made of blankets (hold your pillow).

No more saturday morning cartoons (laugh alone).

No more lights on when I get home (turn the TV on before you leave, there'll be voices when you return).

And no, I don't know what I'm doing.

But I'm doing it again.

The Burial Chamber

2011-10-05T06:03:00.000-07:00

You die when you stop feeling. I will live forever.

The Lights We All Once Were

2011-10-03T10:23:00.000-07:00

There is no pain.

Just atoms becoming humans and picnics, lovers and stars. And then something else. And sometimes it feels like if the wind blew too hard, it'd take us all with it. You don't have to close your eyes. There is no pain. Just atoms becoming the blood that pumps through your heart and the knot in your throat, the clouds above us and air inside your lungs. There's nothing to cry about. There is no pain. Just the light from distant suns and flocks of birds. The sensation of time passing. Waves against the sky. Those shudders than run through your body, aren't there. Your nose isn't blocked. There is no pain.

The Mist Descends

2011-10-03T01:51:00.000-07:00

If you think I can tell you what's going on inside my heart, you know even less about it than you think.

The Cosmic Joke

2011-09-27T05:38:00.000-07:00

And yet, of all these things, we feel sadness the most. We are never buoyed upon an ocean of apathy. We are never crushed by complacency. We are never moved by the okayness of the world.

Sadness and pain, to help us flee danger and hurt. To help us get away when we're bleeding. You have a body and it screams "Something stirs like broken glass in my chest, leave this place, before I die."

An animal part of us, still here after all these years, breaks our hearts.

The Chemicals In Your Brain

2011-09-26T03:54:00.000-07:00

And maybe something's missing in your mind. Maybe you don't work the same way everyone else does. Maybe you're just different. That would be good news.

The Sacrifice In A Mall

2011-09-23T01:19:00.000-07:00

I can sacrifice my health.

And I can sacrifice my money.

I can sacrifice my nights.

And I can sacrifice my sanity.

I can sacrifice my words.

And I can sacrifice a song.

I can sacrifice the world.

And I can sacrifice nearly everyone in it.

The only thing I won't let them take, is you.

The Petals Fall Through Time

2011-09-21T08:57:00.000-07:00

This time, the time machine took me back to the right place.

This time, I ran outside and and nearly grabbed myself before I walked out that door to kiss you for the first time.

But this time, another me stopped me, before I could stop me, and said

"The only thing worse than missing someone, is wondering what there was to miss."

This time, I sat down with me, and we drank and we spoke about how different things could've been. For me. And for me.

Later, I still kissed you for the first time. This time.

The Wind Almost Took You

2011-09-15T03:18:00.000-07:00

When you have done the things you've done.

When I tell you I'll meet you at the door. And you tell me you're sorry. That I have no reason left to worry.

When you hit the ground in a most peculiar way. And I tell you to wait. And you tell me I'll be sorry. That you have no reason left to worry.

When I am more than you can take, just give me back.

The Points Of Light

2011-09-13T12:23:00.000-07:00

You are more than a series of experiences. You are the light that surrounds them.

And if you're too busy to stop and actually look at what it's all adding up to, then that's what you should be busy with.

The Shooting Cloud

2011-09-06T11:55:00.000-07:00

If you're tired of trying to fall asleep, sleep on it and try again tomorrow.

If you're all out of promises, I have one left for you: The Earth is still here as long as you're alive.

If you want to yell out your frustrations, I'll understand, just understand that the whole world is screaming, mostly complaining about the noise.

If you're worried about having the poetry knocked out of you of you when you're older, don't. Old blood bleeds as good as new.

If you've got nothing left to feel, just pay the bill and walk away.

If there's anything else, let me know.

The Colours Of What I Have

2011-08-31T00:27:00.000-07:00

All I want, is for you to want this.

All I need, is for you to need this.

All I have, is what I don't.

The Fear Of Floating Away

2011-08-29T13:22:00.000-07:00

That's what it feels like when you fall from great heights. That's what it feels like when your heart grows back. That's what it feels like when you don't want to feel. But this, this is just me.

The Sound Of The Sea

2011-08-24T00:19:00.000-07:00

May I see the things in front of me as they are, not as I think them to be.

May I walk the steps ahead of me one at a time, not wondering if there's a map.

May I say the things that fix things, not break them further apart.

May I do what I need to do, not be distracted by what I can't.

May I dream of what I hope for, not of what I fear.

May I love you like I love you, not as any other, me.

The City Has A Lullaby

2011-08-22T11:44:00.000-07:00

This is a city of sleepwalkers.
That never sleep.
Those are the sounds that pull you out of bed.
These are the hands that rock the world to sleep.
There's nothing to be afraid of in a dream.

Apology

2011-08-19T01:44:00.000-07:00

I'd like to apologise for the lack of posts, my house was broken into last night and, amongst other things, my laptop was taken. I'm absolutely fine and I have a spare one, I'll resume writing as soon as I can.

Thank you for your patience. I miss you. I love you. I thank you.

The Lines On A Page

2011-08-15T13:13:00.000-07:00

I'd finish you if I could. But every time I try to read you, I lose my place.

The World Woke Up

2011-08-10T23:29:00.000-07:00

Please don't open your eyes.

The world is wrong today.

I don't want you to see it.

Those dreams of burning cars, of bankers crying in the streets, of the earth shaking, they're not dreams.

Just stay warm for now.

Just for a little while now.

Before it hits.

Before it takes.

The Dangers Of Dripping Taps

2011-08-08T02:50:00.001-07:00

The first stain happened when your hand first touched mine.

The second is black pen ink.

The third was an accident, or so everyone said.

The fourth is a burn or worse.

The fifth is the name of a feeling I made up and then wrote down.

When no one's around, I practice saying the words you'll never hear.

The Blood Floods The Subway

2011-08-04T09:14:00.000-07:00

All I ever wanted you to do was feel this feeling. Be this way. Exhale the sky.

All you ever did was feel different. Be away. Wash your hands with air.

All I love is a feeling. I still feel this way. I cannot breathe.

I still forget there's air out there.

I still forget how white hot everything was.

I still forget myself.

There's nothing wrong with this.

There's nothing true about this.

There's nothing.

You were once everything I felt.

You were once everything.

You were, once.

And if love moves like air, then teach me how to dig my nails into the palm of my hand so I can remember what you once felt like.

The Negative Space

2011-08-01T23:48:00.000-07:00

If you missed me saying it, I miss you.

The List Of Reasons

2011-07-28T23:11:00.000-07:00

That the way light bounces off your skin has nothing to do with who you are.

That smokers believe they need to die a little, just to go outside.

That art has always hated the frame you put it in and would lash out, kicking and screaming in the streets, if you gave it half a chance.

That the way lovers touch can not be communicated in words, no matter how often or how hard you try.

That your body fights your mind and your mind fights your soul and your soul fights the world, to try and figure out what you are.

That sometimes, you're just tired.

That's all.

The Blurred Edges

2011-07-28T01:32:00.000-07:00

The world you love spins so fast, all I can do is throw words at it. And hope they become pictures.

The Rose Tinted Glasses

2011-07-25T23:52:00.000-07:00

You reach a certain age where you learn how to walk through a crowded party without stepping on anyone's feet. You reach a certain age where you learn how to wear the skin you've been given. You reach a certain age where you can look at your relationships to other people completely objectively. Apparently.

The Weaving, Spinning

2011-07-20T09:47:00.001-07:00

Each night I imagine my heart is a spinning ball of light that shines brighter and spins faster the more I think about it. So I can give that light to you in the morning.

The Souls Lost At Sea

2011-07-18T07:47:00.000-07:00

(We are all just, so preciously, human).

This is what makes the continents stay at bay (This is what makes us aliens).

This is what makes the world float (This is what makes us drown).

Between you, the ocean and the sun, we can make something sink (To breathe the air).

This is what makes the distance between us.

(Please be human to me).

The Wind Outside

2011-07-13T11:31:00.001-07:00

I put my hand up against the glass and even though I can't see it, I know you're on the other side.

The Reminders Still Take Me

2011-07-13T11:09:00.000-07:00

Nothing is faster than the speed of thought. I can look at anything and think of you.

The Absence Of Sunlight

2011-07-11T23:41:00.000-07:00

If I'm nothing to you, then I'm not. And If this doesn't feel like anything, it isn't.

The Spiral Twists Me

2011-07-07T03:47:00.000-07:00

Nothing has killed me yet. Not even you.

The Winter Sun

2011-07-06T03:36:00.000-07:00

You arrived as light, drawn together by magnets placed here by distant stars.

You bloom late at night, at the same time as me or seconds before and after, away from the strange low eyes of the winter sun.

You will become the poetry that kills my ideas. Because ideas can be questioned. And you gave all your answers years ago.

The Sheer Lack Of Existence

2011-07-04T05:15:00.000-07:00

I'm made of dreams and memories.

I am made of misheard whispers in the dark.

I am made of glances across crowded rooms.

Of the closeness of strangers in a line outside a movie.

I am made of the corners of your mouth.

I am made of awkward elevator rides and the lack of security one finds on a doorstep, at the end of the evening, when one has enjoyed the company of another.

I am made of the train tracks that take me home.

I am made of ghost notes, from songs you never heard.

So forgive my absence. But I was never really here to begin with, anyway.

The Roar Of The World

2011-06-28T08:47:00.000-07:00

And while it may feel like you're in a stadium, in front of a crowd screaming that you must die, there are voices in that crowd, if you listen closely, screaming for you to live.

The Chance For Light

2011-06-27T03:00:00.000-07:00

No gods or devils. No angels or demons. No group of people controlling the world. Not the greatest person to ever live. Not the worst. Just people. Just a person. Just like you and me.

The Physics In The Air

2011-06-22T09:15:00.000-07:00

And I promise you I'll hold your hand back. I'll sit back and enjoy it. I'll laugh at lightning. I'll giggle at thunder. I'll drink raindrops. I'll lean into the wind. I'll see the sun come out. And one day, I'll cry for a storm that's passed, never to come again.

The Science In The Sky

2011-06-21T13:07:00.000-07:00

I'll hold your hand during the storm, if you promise to sit back and enjoy it.

The Ghost Tear

2011-06-20T08:31:00.000-07:00

There's still 7 oceans worth of you here, in the world you left behind. That's why this ship is haunted.

The Plea

2011-06-15T11:30:00.000-07:00

Please words. I need you now (the and and you two especially). I need you to tell the truth. To say things as they are. Don't be words that I say too fast, words that I have to defend. Please don't listen to me when I tell you to do the wrong things, be the words you were meant to be. Be honour and fire place and celler door. Be slow and sunrise and sunset. Be a phrase "I know they come again." No words more than needed, just enough to say what I mean and mean what I say. Please words. Work.

fortheblind.

The Vino Lacks Veritas

2011-06-14T13:40:00.000-07:00

The worst you could do, is be my best. Love is damned. Love is blessed.