I need you to understand something. I wrote this for you. I wrote this for you and only you. Everyone else who reads it, doesn’t get it. They may think they get it, but they don’t. This is the sign you’ve been looking for.
You were meant to read these words.
Monday, November 23, 2009
The Missing Exclamation Marks
You're ok. Breathe. Just breathe. Open your eyes. Come back. It's ok. It's over now. You're ok. Wake up. Please wake up. Don't do this to me. Don't do this to me. Don't do this to me. I love you so fucking much. Come back.
I dreamt of breathing my own life into you, just inhale the sickness into me and breathe health back to you. But I wake up to find the rules have not changed, the wold has not stopped. You have gone where I cannot follow. The final barrier separates us. And I'm left alone, helpless to stop the memories from fading with inevitable time...
nobody said they CAN stop you from what you really want to do, even if it means doing what is not conforming to the rest..even if it means the whole world's gonna turn it's back from you..if you want me, ..i have always been ready..wherever,whenever but everytime i try to reach out to you, i just get hurt because i can't see you doing the same thing for me.. you leave me hanging....i'd be lying if i will not say what's true..i have loved you from the start and even at this moment while writing this for you.. you're the one's hurting me..you're the one's whose leaving..
you're the one who makes it all more complicated...
You're the one who always told me to breathe. And I love you for that. But you love her. The one who rendered you unable to breathe. I could make you breathe again, she can't. So come back. Come back to me.
"I want you to know It doesn't matter where we take this road Someone's gotta go And I want you to know You couldn't have loved me better But I want you to move on So I'm already gone
I'm already gone, already gone You can't make it feel right When you know that it's wrong I'm already gone, already gone There's no moving on, So I'm already gone"
I could scream and you wouldn't wake up again. I used to wish I could trade my life for yours. I used to say I would trade my very own flesh and blood just so you would open your eyes.
I suppose, with time, things change. As much as it pains the old me to say it, I think I've moved on. I'll still miss you, but I don't think I'm sticking around anymore. I'd like to think that you'd want this.
It's been 1 year, 22 days, 16 hours and 4 minutes since that beautiful heart that I loved so much- suddenly decided not to beat anymore. I am left with nothing but memories... and a heart that doesn't seem to care about how much time has passed.
I miss you so much. There are songs that I hear, and movies that I see, that remind me of you. I cry so much. I think of you everyday. I wish you were still here for us. I hope there is something after this, so I can see you again and say, "I love you."
it's you who should come back. it's not over. it's not okay yet. i can't find my way. could you please guide me? i could follow your light. or, give me mark? it is possible that you have already given me one. or someone else has given. but it was a tiny, tiny mark. or not. i'm just not sure about it. or i am, but... i got the message and i think i got it right. i know what to do, but if i do it, will things get better? and now i'm being stupid. always asking too much. i don't know. i just don't know.
and it's dark and i'm tired and my english sucks etc.
I read this years ago, I didn´t get it, sadly I do now. I can´t even express how much I miss you. Thank you, because for a very long time I felt empty and alone, and you noticed me, you chose me as your favorite, as your protectorate. I wish I could´ve given you back all that you did for me, I really tried. I wish I could´ve holden you closer that night, even when I think that life and the world is a mess filled with pain and chaos I can´t be mad because I had you, I would give anything for a last hug. Those exclamation marks got lost, when you left I couldn´t even breath it still hurts to even say your name out loud. Watch me through the stars
And how can I possibly abandon you when you say it like that?
ReplyDeleteThis heart has no legs to walk away.
Wow! When you say it like that...I can't help but feel it.
ReplyDeleteI just lost all concentration.
ReplyDeleteAll wanting to leave you.
How can I? When you say things like that..
Don't call me back.
ReplyDeleteI'm no use of to you now.
I loved you.
:(
ReplyDeletewhy he didnt come back?
ReplyDeletewhy didnt he looked back?
why didnt he hear my heart say those words?
why?
Do I really want you or any of it back? *sigh*
ReplyDeleteI dreamt of breathing my own life into you, just inhale the sickness into me and breathe health back to you. But I wake up to find the rules have not changed, the wold has not stopped. You have gone where I cannot follow. The final barrier separates us. And I'm left alone, helpless to stop the memories from fading with inevitable time...
ReplyDeleteor sleep, then.
ReplyDeleteRest...
But please wait for me.
Please don't go :'(
ReplyDeletenobody said they CAN stop you from what you really want to do, even if it means doing what is not conforming to the rest..even if it means the whole world's gonna turn it's back from you..if you want me, ..i have always been ready..wherever,whenever but everytime i try to reach out to you, i just get hurt because i can't see you doing the same thing for me..
ReplyDeleteyou leave me hanging....i'd be lying if i will not say what's true..i have loved you from the start and even at this moment while writing this for you..
you're the one's hurting me..you're the one's whose leaving..
you're the one who makes it all more complicated...
but you are still the one i need all this time..
that is how much you mean to me..
ReplyDeletei hate you for doing this to me.
ReplyDeletebut most of the time, i love you. so fucking much.
You're the one who always told me to breathe.
ReplyDeleteAnd I love you for that.
But you love her.
The one who rendered you unable to breathe.
I could make you breathe again, she can't.
So come back.
Come back to me.
Say this to me, please. Say it.
ReplyDeletelove the photos
ReplyDeleteohhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.
ReplyDeleteI read the title and then i got it.
"I want you to know
ReplyDeleteIt doesn't matter where we take this road
Someone's gotta go
And I want you to know
You couldn't have loved me better
But I want you to move on
So I'm already gone
I'm already gone, already gone
You can't make it feel right
When you know that it's wrong
I'm already gone, already gone
There's no moving on,
So I'm already gone"
- Kelly Clarkson
Hah. I wasn't even going to go on the computer today. I felt terrible. I felt like nothing could console me. Thank you.
ReplyDeleteThe story of my life...
ReplyDeleteI promised i'll be back hon...
But maybe its too late :'(
I read this back to front.
ReplyDeleteI am now ok!
Another very deep post.
ReplyDeleteAmazing.
ReplyDeleteFriend, you rendered me speechless two days in a row.
As you know...that's hard to do. ;-) haha.
<3 it.
E
story of my life right now.
ReplyDeletethe naloxone did nothing
ReplyDeleteshe never came back
I could scream and you wouldn't wake up again. I used to wish I could trade my life for yours. I used to say I would trade my very own flesh and blood just so you would open your eyes.
ReplyDeleteI suppose, with time, things change. As much as it pains the old me to say it, I think I've moved on. I'll still miss you, but I don't think I'm sticking around anymore. I'd like to think that you'd want this.
i like the desperation in this post
ReplyDeleteI don't get it
ReplyDeleteBut you left first.
ReplyDeleteI admire you and your beautiful way of writing so much. You never cease to speak to truth and that's more than can be said of most others.
ReplyDeletethis is paced so brilliantly.
ReplyDeleteamazing.
It's been 1 year, 22 days, 16 hours and 4 minutes since that beautiful heart that I loved so much- suddenly decided not to beat anymore. I am left with nothing but memories... and a heart that doesn't seem to care about how much time has passed.
ReplyDeletedont u fucking do this to me.. ur ruining me.
ReplyDeleteI miss you so much. There are songs that I hear, and movies that I see, that remind me of you. I cry so much. I think of you everyday. I wish you were still here for us. I hope there is something after this, so I can see you again and say, "I love you."
ReplyDeletethis one's sad..
ReplyDeletei just lost it.
ReplyDeletei love you i need you please don't go.
oh god....
it's you who should come back. it's not over. it's not okay yet. i can't find my way. could you please guide me? i could follow your light. or, give me mark? it is possible that you have already given me one. or someone else has given. but it was a tiny, tiny mark. or not. i'm just not sure about it. or i am, but... i got the message and i think i got it right. i know what to do, but if i do it, will things get better? and now i'm being stupid. always asking too much. i don't know. i just don't know.
ReplyDeleteand it's dark and i'm tired and my english sucks etc.
i just don't know.
Powerful.
ReplyDeletesimply amazing.
ReplyDeletei miss you terribly :'(
ReplyDeletei cant lose you. not now.
ReplyDeleteI am impressed with how so little words pretty much summed up an entire matter of one's heart.
ReplyDeletevia The Salon Is Icky blog.
this brought me to my knees.
ReplyDeletethere is no stronger way to depict loss than with words that tear through our minds, everyone understands dont do this to me. everyone.
the word fuck is so versatile.
ReplyDeletefriday the 13th will live in infamy
ReplyDeleteread this backwards and it changes everything.
ReplyDeleteJohn - Thanks, I see the other perspective.
ReplyDeleteGuess who?
ReplyDeleteI read this years ago, I didn´t get it, sadly I do now. I can´t even express how much I miss you. Thank you, because for a very long time I felt empty and alone, and you noticed me, you chose me as your favorite, as your protectorate. I wish I could´ve given you back all that you did for me, I really tried. I wish I could´ve holden you closer that night, even when I think that life and the world is a mess filled with pain and chaos I can´t be mad because I had you, I would give anything for a last hug. Those exclamation marks got lost, when you left I couldn´t even breath it still hurts to even say your name out loud. Watch me through the stars
ReplyDelete