I need you to understand something. I wrote this for you. I wrote this for you and only you. Everyone else who reads it, doesn’t get it. They may think they get it, but they don’t. This is the sign you’ve been looking for.
You were meant to read these words.
Tuesday, April 24, 2012
The Pain Of Each Other
I do not understand why you would go out of your way to hurt each other, when life can already hurt so much.
After the parties, the mysteries, the drinks, the charades, After the music, the high heels and secrets, You will come home to empty rooms full of silver shade, but you will not come home to me.
And what a goddamned shame to prove that love was not enough.
***
The truth is, you chose not to be here, right now, or ever
The truth is, I was ready to fly to you in a moment’s notice, now, and always
The truth is, one day you will not allow yourself to hide behind your carefully constructed coincidences and contracts and fancy rhetoric
The truth is, you never let me in; I never once stopped knocking
Maybe we thought our hurt would be made smaller if we spread it to others. It just feels so heavy sometimes. The weight, the burden, the contagion: "pass it on, off my shoulders/heart spread it away to the others."
(If only we could see, the burden of our own only lightens when we take the burden of another's. The strange paradox of helping, of kindness, of love.)
I thought you were forgetting how to feel. I sometimes cry just to remind myself I'm alive and I can feel. I wanted you to know that too. It was for your own good but I'm sorry.
I thought you were forgetting how to feel. I sometimes cry just to remind myself I'm alive and I can feel. I wanted you to know that too. It was for your own good but I'm sorry.
The truth is... You keep hurting me so I would feel I had enough and react by almost demolishing you. You are causing pain as You need pain to feel alive
The truth is you wouldn’t wait, and I would wait for you forever
But you can’t wait for someone who doesn’t want you in return
Because if someone *really* wants to be there, they will be there
You never asked. I always asked. You never called. I always called. You never wrote first. I always wrote first. You never had time for me. I always made time for you.
The truth is you cannot wait for someone who doesn’t want you in return
I waited ten years You could have waited ten goddamn months
But, enough – No regrets, because I am finally free And I learned such an important lesson That soul mates, they’re human, too They make mistakes And letting go brings the most incredible lightness, the most indelible freedom This heart, it’s free from stains It’s free from regret It’s free from shadows It’s free from the secret shining in an old grandmother’s eyes
Because I was true to myself I always said what I wanted (especially when it was you) I gave it 110% and that is why I am free Because when 110% is not enough (for you) It is more than enough (for me)
I gave you all of me.I was injured when you walked away.Then you broke my soul.Why? One day it will be too damned late and when you turn around one day I won't be there.
I'm sorry.
ReplyDeleteRemember when I told you I never wanted to hurt you?
ReplyDeleteI don't know if avoiding you or chasing you hurts you more.
Life hurts only when the "you" here hurts you..so its all even
ReplyDeletewhichever one you do in a lie hurts me more.
ReplyDeleteAt the end,
ReplyDeleteall that is left is
to let go
And what a goddamned shame
to let go of this
After the parties, the mysteries, the drinks, the charades,
After the music, the high heels and secrets,
You will come home
to empty rooms full of silver shade,
but you will not come home
to me.
And what a goddamned shame
to prove
that love was not enough.
***
The truth is,
you chose not to be here,
right now, or ever
The truth is,
I was ready to fly to you in a moment’s notice,
now, and always
The truth is,
one day you will not allow yourself to hide behind your carefully constructed coincidences and contracts and fancy rhetoric
The truth is,
you never let me in;
I never once stopped knocking
The truth is,
the truth hurts
x
ff
This reminds me of Prufrock :(
DeleteNeither is a lie. My avoidance is a reaction to what I sense as your apathy toward me. My pursuit is seemingly wasted.
ReplyDeletebecause we don't know how to love, not really anyway. so we spite each other to help prove any sort of emotion at all.
ReplyDeleteBut then again, we wouldn't hurt (others) if we didn't care so much. Again, the contradiction.
ReplyDeleteThis made me really sad :(
ReplyDelete"The fact that there are so many toys in this world but still a lot of people tend to play with FEELINGS!" Jerose Yap Bautista
ReplyDeleteSo tell me why, dear writer??
I second this motion... whichever one you do in a lie hurts me more
ReplyDeleteWhy would you knowingly hurt me?
ReplyDeleteWhen will you stop hurting me?
Maybe we thought our hurt would be made smaller if we spread it to others. It just feels so heavy sometimes. The weight, the burden, the contagion: "pass it on, off my shoulders/heart spread it away to the others."
ReplyDelete(If only we could see, the burden of our own only lightens when we take the burden of another's. The strange paradox of helping, of kindness, of love.)
But it's so hard to learn through hurt.
I'm sorry D;
ReplyDeleteStay strong Missy
apathy is fear disguised. apathy is not wanting to give away more than received. apathy is waiting to see if you're really there.
ReplyDeleteI thought you were forgetting how to feel. I sometimes cry just to remind myself I'm alive and I can feel. I wanted you to know that too. It was for your own good but I'm sorry.
ReplyDeleteI thought you were forgetting how to feel. I sometimes cry just to remind myself I'm alive and I can feel. I wanted you to know that too. It was for your own good but I'm sorry.
ReplyDeleteThe truth is...
ReplyDeleteYou keep hurting me so I would feel I had enough and react by almost demolishing you.
You are causing pain as You need pain to feel alive
Anonymous said...
ReplyDeleteNeither is a lie. My avoidance is a reaction to what I sense as your apathy toward me. My pursuit is seemingly wasted.
Your pursuit will never be wasted.
Short, stark and true.
ReplyDeleteThe truth is I wanted this more than you.
ReplyDeleteThe truth is you took me for granted.
The truth is you took too long.
The truth is I just can't do this anymore.
The truth is I am strong enough to move on.
The truth is you are making it easy.
The truth is you will look back and realize what you lost when it is too late.
The truth is I know you are going to hurt as much as I am right now.
And knowing you will hurt hurts.
But the truth is
it is too late.
Yes, exactly.
ReplyDeleteThe truth is
you wouldn’t wait,
and I would wait for you forever
But you can’t wait for someone
who doesn’t want you in return
Because if someone *really* wants to be there,
they will be there
You never asked.
I always asked.
You never called.
I always called.
You never wrote first.
I always wrote first.
You never had time for me.
I always made time for you.
The truth is
you cannot wait for someone
who doesn’t want you in return
I waited ten years
You could have waited ten goddamn months
But, enough –
No regrets, because I am finally free
And I learned such an important lesson
That soul mates,
they’re human, too
They make mistakes
And letting go brings the most incredible lightness,
the most indelible freedom
This heart, it’s free from stains
It’s free from regret
It’s free from shadows
It’s free from the secret shining in an old grandmother’s eyes
Because I was true to myself
I always said what I wanted (especially when it was you)
I gave it 110%
and that is why I am free
Because when 110% is not enough
(for you)
It is more than enough
(for me)
x
ff
The Truth is...
ReplyDeleteWe love and hurt
Without it life is not worth living...
I gave you all of me.I was injured when you walked away.Then you broke my soul.Why? One day it will be too damned late and when you turn around one day I won't be there.
ReplyDeleteI will never fall out of love with you. If I hurt you when I tried to, I apologize.
ReplyDelete