Thursday, June 5, 2014

The Anxiety Inherent In Air

If you must know, this is what I'm scared of. I'm scared that everyone else is more who they are than I am who I am. I think everyone else just looks at the things they feel or think and says "Of course this is what I feel or think, this is who I am."

But I am never sure of what I feel or think.

And I'm scared because I'm holding all the things I could feel or think on a boat that the slightest breeze could tip over and if that happens, I will fall with all of it into the water. I am scared I will be left with nothing and no idea who I am.

I am scared of the wind.

12 comments:

Anonymous said...

How are you even human?! It's crazy how talented you are!

LuLu said...

I feel like that sometimes. I'm not decisive enough. I'm too even-keel to have strong feelings about most things. And so then I'm not sure that I even know what I want. Ever. Oh well. Maybe that's just me....

xx
LuLu
Breakfast After 10

Anonymous said...

beautiful. and sadly true

Angshuman Mitra said...

You are scared of the 'marut' .it's a sanskrit word that means wind.i am afraid of the element-fire.it demolishes everything near it.hindus do worship fire because they are scared of it.fire has curing capacities also.it cures diseases.wind enhances the flames of the fire.so wind is also dangerous.

Angshuman Mitra said...

Water is poured from the sky what is called rain.wind's direction controls the direction of rain.the levels of earth directs the flow of water in a river.earthquake helps to emit lava another form of fire.so the five elements help each other.

Unidentified said...

Such sadness lies with such words.

Blue said...

when i first discovered your blog and bought your book, it was 2012 and you were so full of brilliant insight and love and goodness, and i was in such a sad, hopeless, dark, bleak state that i was in awe: how can one person (and one so young!) make so many connections, and see life in such a happy, healthy, loving way? and more, how can they impart that to so many others? what's wrong with me? why can't i get it together and be more like

i was of course comparing me at my worst to you at some of your finest, but at the same time, your words gave me hope and peace and comfort and glints of light and happiness.

the past two years i've healed and grown. light has poured in through the cracks and i feel peace in my heart like i have never experienced before. meanwhile, as this has happened, it seems like things have gotten harder for you. that your skies have turned dark and poured the rain.

reading your posts these days has been a reminder to me that despite this season of ease and peace within, life inevitably has more storms for me to weather. that even the wisest, most loving, insightful of us can be swept under for a season, so i need to remember, and not be surprised and dismayed when it happens. because the past has also taught me that if i hold on, the storms will someday pass, and the sun will rush back in, warming my battered, weary soul. but i'll have gained strength and grown because of them.

i hope you feel peace from within. soon. ♥

Anonymous said...

beautiful. thank you.

Anonymous said...

You remind me of everything I ever hoped I could be and more. Life is so hard, just breathing, sleeping, eating fills me with dread.
I can't put into words what I feel anymore. It hurts in 100 million different ways.

Juhiena Ahmed said...

Sometimes the people we admire and want to be like the most are not perfect either. We all look for something in another person we admire that we don't have. What you said hit me deep and made me realise none of us are perfect and we all are in this world seeking something, wanting to be someone and finding our purpose in life.

I love your writing (both dark and lighthearted) and your beautiful quotes that put things into perspective

Livia Ellen said...

you have a strong feeling, i cant even think about what im gonna do if i were you! :)

loveology said...

this says it all