Wednesday, June 20, 2018

The Dark At The End Of Everything

You are alone now and the curtains are drawn and the sun is shining outside and you will not see it for days.

You are alone now and trying to be stronger than you have any right to be.

You are alone now and waiting for the moment when even though you are alone, you do not feel it as much.

You are alone now and looking for a way through the grass and the reeds and the ghosts and the sound of the crickets and the sight of me leaving.

You are alone now and haunted by the past and what was and what could be.

You are alone now and wondering where the time went and who it went with.

You are alone now and your fingers are alone and your breath is alone and now you can get everything you wanted to do done and tick everything off the magic list you said you had, the one you said will eventually make you happy.

You are alone now and trying to define the exact moments you miss, the slow movement of someone else’s hand across your skin that you keep coming back to.

You are alone now and your hand touches empty air when you move it, to remember.

You are alone now and now you can do everything you couldn’t do with me, except be with me. 

Because I am alone now, too.

Tuesday, June 19, 2018

The Light Through Rafters

You are worth fighting for, and if you must fight for yourself and what makes you, you - then fight.

Fight with everything you have.

Monday, June 18, 2018

The Holding Of One's Breath

There you are, washing dishes at the party, like you live there, trying to act like you belong somewhere you don’t.

There you are, taking your phone out, looking at an empty screen, just so you don’t have to look at anyone else.

There you are, holding your breath until your face turns blue for no other reason than to show you can. 

There you are, alone, and yet bigger than the sea.

Tuesday, June 12, 2018

The Death Of The Difficult Thing

Do the difficult thing.

Not the easy thing.

The easy thing will let you live but the difficult thing will kill you, unless you kill it first.

Find where the difficult thing hides, in its difficult cave, in the difficult dark.

Then take your knife, and stab it, in its stupid, difficult heart.*

Now paint your face in difficult blood.

Walk out into the light after the long, difficult night, and show the world what horrible damage you have done.

Let them fear you.

You are the difficult killer.

*Get out of bed. Take care of yourself. Write one sentence. Write the sentence after that. Talk to someone. Go to the thing you said you'd go to. Avoid doing the thing you said you wouldn't. Open the curtains. Go to bed when you planned to. Forgive people who don't deserve to be forgiven and then forget them. Look in-between the cracks to find the reasons why you are. Eat. Eat alone in public spaces if you need to. Let go of what you need to let go of. Get on the train. Answer/avoid your emails. Do just one thing that moves you closer to being the person you want to be.