Wednesday, May 26, 2010
The Fading Glow
What you gave me was a reason. Not an excuse. Because there’s sex, making love and fucking. And then there’s you.
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I need you to understand something. I wrote this for you. I wrote this for you and only you. Everyone else who reads it, doesn’t get it. They may think they get it, but they don’t. This is the sign you’ve been looking for. You were meant to read these words.
120 comments:
Brutal
Made me laugh.
You. I don’t know how to explain your presence. You throw everything off, and it’s in the most amazing way imaginable. I remember curling up in your arms, and this exhalation settled over me, a wordless indelible infinite warmth that sighed of course, wrapping me up against you. This was the place I had always belonged. I had fallen in love with you, with my head against your chest, listening to your heart beatbeatbeat, knowing that as long as your heart continued beating, all was right in the world. The sky, all the buildings, could have fallen down around me, the earth could have opened up, I could have taken my last breath, but I was okay…because my ear was against your heart…and your heart continued to beat.
We'll get there only nothing is fading, the intensity instead continuously grows...
that was not you for me not my lust, you were my love
you
only you
leave me breathless
why dont you
know this?
Too bad - I found my pot of gold
Too bad - too bad you're getting much too old
To play your silly games with me
Look now - at who believes in who
See how - the tables turned on you
Let's see who's smiling now
Now I'm laughing, in your face
I'm laughing, I'm laughing in your face
The teacher is mad because she became the student.
She was a student before she was a teacher.
She was a student before she was a teacher.
Why all of the contradictions?
Right. But her teachers only knew a portion. That's why I call her grasshopper. And she is mad because she knows i'm right.
Beyond it all, including it all.
What a lie. Like everything else you claim. If anyone could not let go, it's you. I guess that is what happens when you get old. Grumpy old bat!
Why are you trying to make me suffer? What have I done besides love?
The only person you ever loved was yourself. But blame me as I come to my own defense for all the hate you spit on me.
If that is what you call love, I want no part of it.
Oh how the mighty have fallen!
Is it illogical to have considered the idea that if you did love me once you would have contacted me "for real?" I flew to see you once but you ran away. My hands are tied here.
and so time passed and I learned to live without you. I learned to substitute intimacy for making love and then for sex and then finally fucking. It was so unsatisfying. I saw my soul bloat and become distended. In my mind's eye, I could see myself suitable for the half ton hotel. Boasting of my conquests while never being satisfied. I decided to stick to one instead of always looking. So I held on in relationships that killed my soul and never gave back even a portion of what I had with you. I cursed the countless nameless voices that told me to hang on. I am still watching for you my soul starving in the process. There is no substitute for you. You don't exist any more. I can't love you. But still I hunger for you and catch myself waiting for you to come back.
I can't take the hunger...I just can't take it anymore.
Come towards me - don't push me away. I am your intimacy in waiting.
What sense does it make for two people who are in love to stay in relationships that aren't working? None. None whatsoever. Not we they could choose to be together instead. It's pretty simple, ultimately.
as long as people keep talking about me, will be just fine :D
bhahhahahaha
go go go go go oh, I'll get.....
<3
this girl is all spoilt
If you found your pot of gold, then what are you doing here?
Liar.
you better look the labels you put.
all that shines
You never gave me a chance to lie to you once
It's the pot that calls the kettle black.
We are all talented, no exception.
You are talented. Everything in your sight, everything you touch becomes ugly.
Your punishment is that is ugly just for you.
you'll star appreciating the beauty of life sooner or later
you and your dirty sunglasses.
They are only dirty when they look at you. They see your soul and want to vomit.
can someone please explain to me their interpretation of this?
I think that is fine. keep looking .. a little bit closer ..
I can tell you Iain will come lol
The only ugly thing I have is the memory of you. And you attack me because you were nothing but a stepping stone. It too bad, I had respect for you at one time.
That is your choice and I'm fine with it. :)
What? I have no idea what you are upset about... please tell me so we can talk it out. We are both reasonable people.
What does it all mean? I wish I could go back in time one year or even two to inform myself that on 5/26/2010 I still haven't been given an answer. I'm still waiting for him to make a concrete move.
I'm still sitting here looking at your picture. Wondering WTF!!!
I'm glad I don't have your picture. It would take up too much space in my trash can.
Why are you still reading then? I think you enjoy torturing me at times. Or punishing. I want the you from Monday night but apperently he is a figment of my warped imagination.
Why don't WE go to the beach? iwrotethisforus
Stairs lead
up or down
depending
on direction.
Exactly. That's why I left you behind. Your excess weight was dragging me down.
Today is the day I remember how to love you. I always remember that I love you. But sometimes I forget how.
This is the day I remember how to do it and do it. For ever.
A long time ago I made a commitment to my heart to be as true to you as I knew how to be. Sometimes that means having to let you go your way without me. Sometimes that means being there though the space between us leaves me on one side of the universe and you on the other.
My love for you does nothing but make me stronger. My love for you brings back the light that this world is intended to obscure. The love you bring me shows me the world not as I want to see it, but as it is and how to change it.
Selfishness, id, pain, confusion. . . all these things surround me. They change what I have to give into something warped and ego-centric.
The love you create in my heart rises above the self, makes room for everything. It reaches out for those around me, it is determined to show the pure light it is made of. It is bound to bring understanding, no matter how long it takes nor how difficult that is.
Today I have been reminded of all this. Today I woke up re-inspired by this love. I remembered that to love you means to give all I have.
I woke up seeing this incredible beauty emanating from myself, feeling this gorgeous strength and desire. I awoke full of this amazing love, as I have so many times before. Today was really no different, except that my determination to live up to this love to the fullest is stronger than it has been in a great while.
It starts with giving all of myself to all those around me. And all I have is love.
(So come here, be close to me. Soak it up.)
Sex, fucking. . . even these selfish, mindless things your love transforms. Making love is not confined to the physical but expands until it literally means creating love. It rises, it covers the whole world, it is truth and beauty itself. Agape.
It does not ignore the ugly, the bitter, the hurtful. In some cases it cannot correct it, but it gives the power to see things in a better way, to see how to overcome where it cannot change.
Sex, fucking. . . these are worthless words for what occurs when your physical body touches mine. I do not need to explain how it encompasses all this and more. It is for you and I to know and explore.
But when my physical body is not present for you to put your heart, your love, your being into, know this:
I love you and your love shows me the light. I want to live in the light.
Even if you are not here to receive my love, even if you don't want my love, I want to show this love. I want the world to see my love. I want to live up to this love. I want to take your love into my body and like a prism transform into something brighter, more colorful.
And I can do this because your love is my miracle. And I will do this because I want you to know my love. I want the world to feel this love.
If there comes a time that you see my love including others and you feel left out, do not forget that you are the source of this love, this light. You are never gone from me. Which place you take in my heart and my life is up to you. I will not tell you where to go, where to stay. This love grants you the freedom to live as you see fit.
"But where you go, there I will be"
again and again and again
As I finish this, it has begun to rain. I tell you, you change everything.
The pain of torture morphs into the ecstasy of a hero's loving rescue... ❤☺ And I feel so free. Thank you. It was a difficult journey but I'm always ready to take a ride with you. Through the hard times and the good.
And the reason why I am hoping for a miracle is because I want this. I want to wake up next to you every morning so I can tell you I love you. The reason why this will take a miracle is because you will never ask me to leave, and I will never ask you to wait. And still, I hope.
He who is in love is wise and is becoming wiser, sees newly every time he looks at the object beloved, drawing from it with his eyes and his mind those virtues which it possesses.
Ralph Waldo Emerson (1803 - 1882), Address on The Method of Nature, 1841
From a distance this is usually quite apparent, but I think of love as a longing and if you a man loves a woman as much as he says then he will reach out to her. But love has no chance of reconnection if you continue to hide from it.
You.
You are still here.
No matter how I try to move forward and on and past.
You still linger.
I tried to with someone else.
He cares about me.
I think.
But he isn't you.
So some part of my mind or my brain or my heart won't let me.
Let me let go of you, like you have of me.
It's been 10 months now.
You wont let it go and you talk so much sh*t. But that is the real you. 2 faced vapid sh*t talking liar. Your love is like a mosque at the bottom of the twin towers. Nothing but a disgrace!
And that is the real you!
but i love you - even if you don't believe it - even if you think i am a liar - even if you hate me or find me ugly - i will still love you - because i don't care if you don't love me back, and you don't have to have faith in that love because i will prove it to you. you are the other half of me.
the love i have for you is what makes me beautiful, it is the only beautiful thing i have
blah blah blah
action, we need action!
why do you have to be so mean about it? i told you, i'm coming, i can't make it come any faster
because this is booooooooooooooooooooring and women don't wait anymoe
to the left or to the right? ..
but to the left or to the right? ..
to the left or to the right? ..
but to the left or to the right? ..
BO-RING
uninspiring
And Sambuki is still a bald pussycat!
What is done out of love always takes place beyond good and evil.
- Friedrich Nietzsche, Beyond Good and Evil, Aphorism 153
Harsh.
The second reading brings a new perspective, another level of understanding. Some parts of the stream were aimed elsewhere. I see that now wheras before I just thought you were tired to the point of calling me a bat. (snicker)
I've never asked in part of the vitriol that would haunt us if I were to blatantly steal and "wreck." But mostly I haven't because I viewed the overwhelming covering of tracks to be harsh evidence of what the simple answer would be.
And then there is, of coarse, a 5th element and I take her needs much into consideration. But still, the fact remains that you are always on my mind and still I want more. Because the simple fact is, the simple answer in fact is, that I am hopelessely in love with you.
oh baby, you can go with your 5th element wherever you want. Blessed you.
blah blah blah
Tell me something I didn't hear before. What is next? you will make me a song or something?
one more
you are still with that bean?
really, boy ....
you should have left her already, you are going out of the celestial plan ooohhhhh where will you end up? :(
I like your girlfriend, she has big boobies as me :/
I hope she fucks you for all the times I couldn't make it to you. Enjoy boy
silence....
I can't do nothing to help you, and I'm sorry. Sorry honey.
It’s not harsh. It makes perfect sense to me. I understand it completely. The heart longs for something that they have always known they have had with them through every single important step of a lonely journey even though “sometimes that means being there though the space between us leaves me on one side of the universe and you on the other.” The light is always there in the darkness, but sometimes it must be dark and it’s throughout the darkness that we realize the love that “shows you the world not as I want to see it, but as it is and how to change it.” An enlightened, self-realization forms which concludes that there is something greater in this world than the relationship we have with ourselves. It overcomes all selfishness; pain and confusion the outside world blindly throws at us expecting us to think fast and catch it with both hands and toss it back out into the wilderness. It’s a cycle that only makes us stronger as time goes on and same as love.
The process of falling in and out of love and out and in again shows us how we can not only better ourselves, but one another, together. Just like the switching on a light…it opens the world for us and shows us the way and that road has no limitations when the right love is found to lead the way “no matter how long it takes nor how difficult” the journey may be. And love is not selfish, love does not sit there and say “hey it’s me can you give me some more now because you are spending too much time with your work (or another entity) and not paying attention to me.” Love understands…and the most important thing love understands is not only the need for individuality , but also having the awareness that whatever it is the individual has or will create was and is inspired by the person that loves them unconditionally. This is an honor that should be “soaked up” and given gratitude for each and every day.
Love transforms basic humanistic desires like fucking into the most beautiful experience in the universe and when it’s with the right person it doesn’t even have to be sexual or physical, but takes place in another time in another land where beauty lives and breathes far, far away from the real world nuances of ego-tism and selfishness. The love, the light leads the way and brings your love closer to you and that is deeper of a connection then some people experience in their entire lives. The light was always there, it was in me, it was in you and it’s what brought us together. And with time the light transforms from bright white to reelections of colored crystals hanging in the sunlight. And it soaks up the energy in hopes to be projected out into the rest of the atmosphere. To make the world a better place knowing it’s just not one but two projecting this that may lead others to project the same light of love. And no matter where the light lives it is always reflected back to the heart, a heart that is one and always there remaining a sanctuary of hope and trust and love that we always know how to get back to when we are separated or lost.
“As I finish this I must tell you it has begun to rain. I tell you, you change everything.”
The rain washes over you and me and washes away the past like spring. It is a new beginning to a story that we have always lived together.
Sorry so long I had a lot to say.
blah and blah and blah
you think you can convice someone like me with words?
keeps being--- blah blah blah
if eventually you feel like you need to physicaly vomiting. That is the first pay-sheet advance for the hell road
ooooh, you don't like it, don't you?
well, start getting use to it, becomes the rest is like buuuuuf..... how can I explain it to you?
"intense"?
you will looove it!
Hey Mr. Blah blah you're a tool! (in Chef Ramsey voice) Fuck off!
we are not "WE", this is "ME" and that is "YOU"
so you better come back to Earth....
from ME
no time for jokes in here right now
MuahXx!
I'm not joking
Word Ver: Father
Right hand up to God, whether Beattle or rat
Fuck you right back!
If you're not the person that wrote what my message expanded on then fuck off...not fuck you. Two totally different things. I am not sure what you are so hostile about and honestly I don't care. Get a life.
There are so much things we cannot understand.
Ok like what...that's pretty open ended...
There is no god.
Where is this he'll you speak of? Is it in Orion with the aliens? Or is this just more bs cafeteria Christianity? Because a christianless hell sounds like a peaceful place.
Meanwhile, scratched out on a page of Consumer Reports:
You've had an unfair advantage. Until now. Using your natural brilliance you discovered the means by which to know me, really know me, earlier than I would have allowed. Left to decide on my own. The good, the bad, and the ugly, so to speak. My Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde reality. The calms following the storms. Ultimately an unacceptable standard for living, despite a really pretty lawn. It's a wonder you are still around but I'm so happy that you are.
But enough about me. We are both sleepy-heads on this night, and with good reason.
But let's focus on you for awhile. We can start small. Oh, I dunno... why the tan bracelet? No answers needed until tomorrow unless you feel so inclined but do me a favor - When you are falling asleep tonight imagine I am lovingly massaging the tension out of your back muscles. My hope is that doing so will ensure us both a peaceful night of sleep. We both need it.
I think that's partly why I'm here. To help in any way that I can think of to help us find our way to wind up together.
Sweetdreams :)
Unacceptable to whom? You? You create the standard? I don't think so. There is no standard.
"this is our way of life
a life that was born free
to follow orders how to live
was never meant to be!"
- ???
But I guess you can't accept what you don't understand.
Standard. You find the word objectionable. That is so like you, I ought to have known better! The "expected; the societal norm." Standards and Practices, etc. I chose the wrong word. Yes, fuck standards! Bad word.
Apologies... I'll get your shoulders too. I just meant that I, I...
You know. We characters in this real story are playing charades and it needs to end. On both sides of the...
You know. I know you do. And I know you are beginning to understand that I do mean business. Not standards of practice.
why to end it? it's your profession
no one wanted to change you in here, you know that right?
You are the one with the complications ¿?
If you could only understand that all I want from you is to know you love me. Nothing else really matters, because I love you and even if we never touch, our souls are intertwined. If you pull away from me, I will be frayed forever.
oh! I made you know, your reaction? no-thing, silence, rejection
what are you talking about?
I'm confused. Is someone fighting with themselves? Or is it more than one?
Why fight here? You should just get a blog about it, already. Whoever it is obviously cares a lot.
And seems like you don't mind fighting in public...
I think it is too bad, because there are comments that are getting shot like innocent bystanders.
The comments here are smart and fun and engaging, why fuss it up?
you never stop acting?
so you think you can lie to me?
If Iain doesn't like this he will delete them or he will approve them before posting. No one thought about it?
Maybe he takes a beer and has some fun reading this.....
I would talk to you in other place, but there are no other place, and it's fine you know? because I don't really have nothing left to tell you. I don't know you and I don't think I will, I don't really want to know you anymore you are being too complicated and I have enough with myself. I think you are a nice guy who cares about people, I don't have nothing at all against you. Just leave me alone.
if you are writing a very long letter, please, keep it to yourself. Thank you.
Language insinuation began with a hurried typo on my part... this stream. Only I know that, ya'll.
I don't know why someone so jealous put his eyes in someone like me. Are you a masochist?
you know I don't understand half of what you are writting?
I think is time to leave Iain alone, this is not msn
We are squatters!
'The O!'
Kywiddlypoo
What the fuck do you think I am lying about?
i'm pretty sure Iain has more productive (and fun) things to do than sift through and approve comments for this blog.. comments will just be disabled before a system like that is in place.
Coward!
Holly is a fat liar!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
this leaves me speechless because from the way i see it, this could be good or bad.
You're such an inspiration
For the ways that I will
Never, ever choose to be!!!!
I don’t know how to explain your presence.
How about this: Fuck You!!!!
Every guy I know says you look like a man!
I was looking for love. I found sex.
I was looking for sex. I found you.
I was looking for you. I found love.
Miss Philosophy, you have a right to your own opinion, and your own copycat blog. But please. Don't attack others or call them names. Not on this blog. With all respect.
Ok I apologize for using the word the fuck and off together...the word fuck was used throughout the comments before I even entered mine. I didn't call anyone a name, It was more of an action statement if anything.
And to be honest with you I only posted 2 motivational quotes and one entry directed towards one person in particular so take another look and see that I am not the trouble maker here. I got the hint the other day when Steve and hopeless romantic were going back and forth about how the comments were too long. Sorry but every time I post it's always submitted under Miss Philosophy I am not sure who the individual is causing all of the trouble here but it certainty isn't me.
Thank you, Peace ♥ Love ♥ Happiness people.
oh woops, I did call someone a tool but seriously they were being one with their nasty entries of hostility for no particular or justifiable reason.
I know who is the one.
Is the one who sees everything ugly (and sad :( ). Oh no, the one, but not my One, but I might be the one for him, what I mean is.....
OOOOOPSS, I did it again! :D
Boy, you have a BIG problem now.
You know what? your girl won't like that you come here looking for me, you know that right?
I know I know, things are not like they look like, aren't they?
You need to get over me.
..... whatever.
Don't get piss off when I don't reply you back. Make me the favour. What you say is empty, not even entertaining.
Also look at the way you address yourself to me, I know when is you, I'm not scared of you "lacasito", you are my playing tool. So try not to make noise.
Ugly!!!!
Life is all about decisions :)
(I know this commentary is ugly too...... :/)
really? there was me? really, hey. no, you see, if i was the reason you wouldnt have left, strung me along for so long, treated me like a precious photograph you left your coffee cup on too many times.
thats what i am. all i am. and any other feelings you have about all of it, mean nothing when you speak to me like im shit. you revere me in public, and berate me in private.
private? I have never been private with you? where in a site? by phone? etc.
never, always "piiiiiii ERROR"
and I asked for it, several but several times in the past.
and it's fine, but all this bullshit, it's a product of you.
Get over it.
by the way, the last time we fucked (and i know you read these comments)...
you should've come. even at the precipice, you wimped out.
that proved it to me. you don't have the courage to move from fucking to love to...to me.
there. i said it.
if you had, we'd be together now. you know why.
I can't help you.
ok, wrong person, sorry, I'm not writting to you. I apologize.
the one I'm writting about knows.
"and it's fine, but all this bullshit, it's a product of you"
oh my fucking God. you sound exactly like my exboyfriend. you know. the psycho one. you hate him. remember?
wow im glad we're over.
That's ok :)
So much spamming. Stop it already.
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