Friday, April 25, 2014

The Objection Your Honour

Just then, right in the middle of the brilliant monologue your defence attorney is delivering about all the things you've done and all the people who love you, the prosecution slides a note over to you, "Don't ever forget, everybody hates you."

You add it to the pile of notes he's already given you, which read:

"No one will ever understand you in the way that you desperately want them to understand you."
"You will watch all your favourite musicians kill themselves and all your movie stars will grow old."
"Everything you've ever made has been trite and cliche and horrible. In fact anyone who's ever said they've liked anything of yours has done so out of pity"
"One day you and someone you love will find yourself in a room and one of you will be dead and the other will wish they were."

All of which he will later enter as Exhibit B in the long, drawn out court case to convict you of being simply pathetic and sad and useless at everything, really.

And yet your defence attorney carries on. And you know that sometimes, he's fighting for your life.

16 comments:

Anonymous said...

I love this. Blown away by this. Thank you so so so very much for understanding. Thank you for putting it down on paper. Thank you for making it accessible for people like me. Thank you.

ONLY ME said...

I love this. Thank you for fighting for all our lives. Honestly, grateful.

courtney w said...

Woah. This one hit hard, in the "I'm so moved I feel sort of sick" kind of way. It hurts to think about, but you captured it perfectly

Anonymous said...

I hope you are okay ♥ xo, Blue

Anonymous said...

My life story

Unknown said...

So simple and yet so true! Meant for all and yet meant for none or maybe one in particular. Awesome!

Anonymous said...

I actually came to the realization last night. Well, I guess this morning really. Actuall I don't really know what you'd call it since I have not slept in days. Anyway I finally saw what every single person who has turned their back on me saw. I am not unique or special. I have no redeeming qualities. And I truly am not worth loving. I'm just sorry it took me 25 years to figure out. Then again maybe it really didn't take the long. I always thought I pushed people away to protect myself, but in all actuality I was protecting them. Protecting them from the monster of my disease. I guess I am my disease at this point. My depression has marked me as unworthy for anything or anyone, and finally I see it has always been right. I thought I had a bigger purpose on the planet. I thought I was meant to save people. I don't save anyone though all I end up doing is unintentionally hurting them. Maybe this is how I can save everyone. I can save them from me. I'll let this darkness take what little is left of my heart. I'll let it engulf me.I will be come one with the darkness, and soon enough all the dark tangles I let slip. All of the lives I filled with it. They will finally be able to see the light. I will be forgotten and unable to do anymore damage. I will save the world (past, persent, and future) from my darkness.

Anonymous said...

Dear anon with the realization,

As much as you want the darkness to take you, it won't.

And you'll wake up one day a little less exhausted, knowing it's getting better (as long as you keep trying to make it better).

I promise.

Angshuman Mitra said...

First of all you have to love yourself.then others are considerable.be cheeerful every moment.look at the bright side of every situuation.please be optimist and confident.don't blame yourself first.try to seek the actual cause of pain.

Midori said...

I continue to fight even if I was abandoned a lot of times I've lost count.

shivafeli said...

I do not know when the sun is rising

there is a buzz

we go on and forget

for a little moment

all that has happened

Attraction can drive you crazy

Do not be led astray

I do not find love in people nor things

My beloved creator is love, is energy, is it all

They will try to shut us down

We will be damned if we do

Fight

debtink said...

In your defense, you are none of the things people say you are... if you aren't.

The burden of proof falls on the prosecution.

Anonymous said...

This one is great. Really needed this one today.
L

Anonymous said...

There is no way he could ever be jealous of your effortless success, even though it's been hard for you, he's tried twice even three times as hard but never got to your lofty height. He gets paid per word, almost double triple what you do, but even though his word, can make our break, your words heal, even the broken, seamlessly, like it never happened, believe me, I know the magic your word bring.
He's worked his magic with girls, reading guides on how to string them along, trying to wallow in the shallow paddling pool of desire that he built from their tears. Yet your ocean of adoring fans outnumber his, you push them gently away so that you too may live.
So, of course he'll feed you all the things he tells himself, of course he would

It's Getting Better All The Time said...

Amazing post. I have been my own prosecutor for years. I was recently discharged from a psych hospital upstate NY and will give this post to my defense lawyer (my psychologist) and at end of her reading it, I will tell her, "The prosecutor's office drops all charges".

Anonymous said...

Thankfully, my defense attorney taught me how to fight for myself. Now, he doesn't have to work as hard to save me. I have you to thank for that, too, for helping me burn all the prosecution's notes and start over again. Now, I write my own notes over his, and I will do so until the day I die.