Monday, July 27, 2009
The Peace In The Disturbance
I'll do every dish ever made. I'll change as much as I can without changing who I am. Just promise me you'll stay.
Written by Me at 11:57 PM
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I need you to understand something. I wrote this for you. I wrote this for you and only you. Everyone else who reads it, doesn’t get it. They may think they get it, but they don’t. This is the sign you’ve been looking for. You were meant to read these words.
i did every dish. change almost everything yet i'm the one who left in the end.
perhaps this was exactly what i felt last nite..
staying isnt good.
sometimes you just need to let someone go, even if it hurts right now, this is the only way of not letting him/her hurt you all your life.
The thing is, you can't (one can't) ever promise something like that. Or rather, you can...but you can't ever guarantee that you'll keep the promise. Clean dishes or no.
i'm right here. i'd never leave you for a second*
leaving you?- that's me going insane...
Isn't that what love is? Liking someone despite all the things you wish you could change.
YOU are made up of such beautiful specific details that make you, you. why would anyone -ever- want to change your fingerprint, your language, your design, your heart, your soul, your everything?
Aww... but if that person is going to change who you are in the way they want to. Then you're better without them, they're not loving you for who youu are.
Change doesn't have to be for someone else, it can be for yourself and maybe that's what the other person wants: for you to improve yourself. We can always improve ourselves.
The changes should always be geared toward both person's personal and spiritual development.
I did every dish there was for you and yet the distance still grew until I could no longer see you and you could no longer remember me. But for some reason you realised and came back and I hope you'll stay this time, because there will always be a place in my heart for you, and if you're not here I'm afraid I will push it into the depths of my consciousness and regret that I didn't try harder to keep you.
But just so you know, I'm not expecting anymore of you. I just don't want to lose a friend who meant so much to me, and still does.
i said...i will never leave you...
no matter what happens...just make sure, you're going to give your best
to be there..the next time around
i'll ask you to come and save me...
cause im giving you all mine...everyday of my life...
@jules: i wish that you're that person i'm hoping you are. i wonder everyday what she thinks.
i will never leave you... you bring tears to my eyes*
it isn't about compromise. i kept everything tidy on your behalf, made the things you liked, smiled even when it hurt. i gave it my best. you took it all away. i wanted you to stay. somehow still i might want you to come back.
i just want you to know that whatever
you have gone through (just to make things appear like they're okay and that it should be that way infront of them all), it wasnt only you doing that..
we both did..to the point that i already misunderstood what you are showing me..like i feel that i really didnt matter at all..that it was just very plain of you to see me getting hurt everytime you put my presence aside...but that doesnt matter now..i always want to be with you..i think i already made the steps..i was reaching for your hand..crying out for your help but still..you didn't listen..until i grew tired..and now, i just love you this much that i always go back and give it another chance..maybe this time, you would realize (i pray)...please, let's not waste our time...i love you and i'll always will..
WATER has to return to the sea, just as i have to return to me*
when im ready, i will have the opportunity to make the journey to old hurts with the knowledge that i can heal them and move on.
the pain and sadness has left me numb inside, however my grief and pain are mine. I have earned them. They are a part of me. I can never go back, only forwards. Only in feeling them do i open myself to the lessons they can teach. I have learnt the hard way, but at least i gave it my absolute best. My ALL! My everything!
trust me, its a long complex journey back and i'm afraid time does not heal such deep wounds over night. it hurts so so *ucking bad!!!
my heart just broke.
yet again you've amazed me beyond measure.
thank you. you have a gift of writing the right things at the right time. a gift of words.
"I wish I gave it more time and wasn't so afraid...you know, being so terrified of it all when you said you'd do such a thing for me. Who does that? Make seemingly rash comments when you said you'd try to go grad school here, despite the fact you hate this place.Saying things like "I love you" and "Want to spend the rest of my life with you" while we were arguing and stressed...didn't make sense to me, cause why would you do such a thing instead of being stable on your own foot first? And never quite understood what you meant until everything blew over as dumb as that sounds. I wanted to make sure that your decision was made and had been derived from you and your own consciousness and that you'd never regret it. And plus, we were happy sometimes and perhaps most times, but with everything that's happened, I couldn't and didn't know how to handle things right as we both saw. Hence the mess we are still trudging through today. I'm sorry. I don't know where to go from here, but at least I know you still have many more chances to be happy, seeing as I was your second. But you were my first everything, and I don't know exactly how to make things right... but seeing my attempts at communications are more one sided, as they are expected to be...I just wish I can be there and you here, just to know you're okay and then I'll be fine...or what I think is closely resembling it anyway. Lastly...I know now that in a way, we aren't so different after all.
I just hope I can find you if I ever need to and same goes for you, whether wish it or not.
sometimes it is the one who wants the other to stay that runs away.
geez my life sucks
tell me what's best for you..
cause right now, i am starting to fall apart all over again..to know that
you're still not over her..i once said before i can never be her..i can't compete with her..we're too different. i said i will never leave, but you have to tell me why i should stay?..='(..cause i guess loving you isn't enough, i wanted to help you get back the pieces..where do i stand???????
is there really a reason for me to
not lose my grip?..what do you need at this time?
where are you???
where are you???
i believe people will always change, but it tends to be for the better :-)
superdope, the stills and the words marry each other well
i love you. i would have changed anything to make you stay. i would have done anything. but i couldn't do the one thing you needed.
but i still love you. and i'm sorry.
I'm sorry I was horrible to you the last time we met. I'm sorry I was indifferent to you the last time we spoke. I'm sorry for not giving you the love and care you deserved.
Wherever you may be, please come back.
I miss you, Mom.
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