Wednesday, September 29, 2010

The Skeletons In The Sea



























Truth is the last thing I can take because it's the last thing you took.

36 comments:

Hopeless Romantic said...

Why is the truth, rather than the lie, always harder to believe?

MUJAN said...

(: this inspires me.

Beyond Few Words said...

Will I be able to take the truth, may be she took the truth for better

MINZXC . said...

But I want to know the truth rather than to live in this delusion. If you give me all the reasons to, I will accept the truth as it is and stop trying. Until then, I won't give up on you, I'll cling onto every last hope I ever had.

E. said...

I have seen the truth and it didn't make sense.

Anonymous said...

they can hide the truth but they can never take it

Arian Tejano said...

beautiful! beautiful!

Anonymous said...

Don't tell me the truth on everything that's happened lately, it isn't what I want. You and I may never be perfect for each other, but I'm more than willing to forget the past and try for the future. As long as you're by my side. You need to believe in us before we can ever happen.

Anonymous said...

sorry, just wanted to ask: is there no 'you' in this post?

Me said...

Thank you Anonymous, somewhere between the first draft and the last, you got lost <3

Anonymous said...

The truth? You had nothing to do with anything that happened. You've been absent this entire time. How am I to know what's real and what's not? Others only told me I've lost my chance, move on. That's exactly what I've done, what I always did. I won't go looking for you, you won't go looking for me. The signs I've got should be pulling me in another direction, but my spirit has been trampled to the point that I don't even recognize it anymore. Dreams or delusions? Manic or panic? What's the difference? I've said my piece, done my part. If you wish to see me again, you know how to get to me. No strings attached, no hidden agendas. No pressure, no games. Just you and I, figuring out our part.

But wait, she's already taken. Is that what I was pursuing? A relationship, a romance? Or was it just pure and simple friendship? The score is settled, the drama over.

I rejected you before you did me. I lied when I said we were never friends.

Anonymous said...

I believe in us more than anything - so much so that the truth jumped out of me. I couldn't internalize any longer. And I'm sorry. I couldn't keep it in because us means the world to me, despite mistakes that have been made on our human journey together thus far. I only ask, please, take my hand now and let's keep going.

Anonymous said...

You know better than what you are saying now. My loyalties run in the direction of adoration, and never not once rejection. Even when you play cruel tricks on me. I've heard the wolf cries so I'm cautious. But still I wait - hopeful for us someday.

Anonymous said...

If only you would drop some of those walls built around you. I can't seem to scale them even though I can never stop myself from trying over and over again.

zonedin said...

The truth is too vast for me to see. I can only take in a small bit of what I perceive to be truth. Do you really want me to see it? I would give you my soul to see it.

Anonymous said...

Believe in us? Here's the cold hard truth:
I don't know you, you never gave me that chance. Every time I tried to talk to you, you'd never open up. Though I'm to blame as well, during "our" time spent together. We both saw the worst of each other, in each other. At least from my perspective.
I was always just trying to be nice, but you seemed to take that backwards a lot.
I've spent these last 5 months, living in my own head mulling over every scenario that took place and what all if it actually meant. All the while getting stupid internet hints that just fucked with my head even more. Alienating all my friends and destroying my independence in the process.
You have yet to say any actual words to me, besides what I last heard which were "I'm already taken, fuck off."
You think I'm gonna go out looking for you? Come to your work place? Cuz it worked so well the last time I tried that.
I don't want to be friends with a stupid tease and I don't want to be friends with someone who doesn't give me the time of day. I messed up, I'll agree there. I destroyed the entire fabric of our friendship, to let you know that what we had was so meaningless that it developed its own meaning somehow.
You want "us" to work? Come as you are, as you always were. The you that I never got to see and you'll see the me you never got to see. I made the mistakes, not you. Though, I'm done apologizing and feeling guilty for any of it.
But then again, I have no idea what to believe. I'm writing anonymously into some blog, not knowing if you're actually reading or not. If you're actually writing in here or not. Maybe this is some practical joke still being played on me? Who knows?
I'm not out to change you and I hope you're not out to change me. Don't put meaning into things that were never there. Take it one step at a time.
I for one am done waiting, done watching. I gotta worry about my own life and how to get it back on track.
I hold nothing against you, how could I? I feel nothing for you, how could I? I expect nothing from you, how could I? I don't blame you, how could I?
You want to see me again? Come and find me, I don't bite. "Us" can never happen until we see each other again, until we've actually spoken to each other as normal human beings. For now, I'm assuming I freaked you out so bad that you don't want to see or hear from me again.
I'm done, this shit is retarded.

Anonymous said...

Believe in us? Here's the cold hard truth:

I don't know you, you never gave me that chance. Every time I tried to talk to you, you'd never open up. Though I'm to blame as well, during "our" time spent together. We both saw the worst of each other, in each other.

At least from my perspective.

I was always just trying to be nice, but you seemed to take that backwards a lot.

I've spent these last 5 months, living in my own head mulling over every scenario that took place and what all if it actually meant. All the while getting stupid internet hints that just fucked with my head even more. Alienating all my friends and destroying my independence in the process.

You have yet to say any actual words to me, besides what I last heard which were "I'm already taken, fuck off."

You think I'm gonna go out looking for you? Come to your work place? Cuz it worked so well the last time I tried that.

I don't want to be friends with a stupid tease and I don't want to be friends with someone who doesn't give me the time of day. I messed up, I'll agree there. I destroyed the entire fabric of our friendship, to let you know that what we had was so meaningless that it developed its own meaning somehow.

You want "us" to work? Come as you are, as you always were. The you that I never got to see and you'll see the me you never got to see. I made the mistakes, not you. Though, I'm done apologizing and feeling guilty for any of it.

But then again, I have no idea what to believe. I'm writing anonymously into some blog, not knowing if you're actually reading or not. If you're actually writing in here or not. Maybe this is some practical joke still being played on me? Who knows?

I hold nothing against you, how could I? I feel nothing for you, how could I? I expect nothing from you, how could I?

You want to see me again? Come and find me, I don't bite. "Us" can never happen until we see each other again, until we've actually spoken to each other as normal human beings. For now, I'm assuming I freaked you out so bad that you don't want to see or hear from me again.

I'm done, this shit is retarded.

Anonymous said...

With all that being said, I'm not angry or bitter. I'm not jealous nor is my ego in shambles. I do all of these things to myself, for what reason I have yet to figure out. I'm indifferent about all this now, as I feel I should be. You are more than welcome to get in contact with me or to keep your distance as you've already done. My life is back on track and I'm moving forward. I'm not looking back on the past any longer.

But when your entire world is taken out from underneath you and you don't know what hit ya, sometimes you stall and do stupid things to try and figure it out. Grasping at straws to find the truth. I learned some valuable lessons about myself. I went crazy, nothing of what I did should be validated or condoned.

I hope to see you again one day and I hope you're not angry or bitter with me. Friendship, all I ever tried for. Simple as that and that's the truth.

For now, this is over.

J. said...

i just have to say that the truth of the truth is that it hurts..
i like your blog !

Hayley said...

my favorite part of the day is reading your writing.

Anonymous said...

I am sorry I ever spent one second with you. I thought it would be a positive thing, how wrong I was. I never want to see you again.

Anonymous said...

you act childish

Anonymous said...

One last thing.

I didn't intentionally reject you, it's not what I'm saying to satisfy my ego. I wronged you, completely wronged you. That's the rejection I speak of. You kept your distance, rightfully so. You didn't speak a word, rightfully so.

I take back every word I said about you, every assumption I had. For the simple truth of the matter is, I don't know you. My wolf cries were that of mental desperation, to cure some illness that only I had to bear. I poked, I pried.

Come and find me, I dare ya. I'm done being a jerk, done being so self-centered. Done expecting, done wanting. I have nothing to give but my friendship, from there who knows? You never know til' ya try.

I may not be perfect, but I'm accepting. And that is the truth, the simple truth I had inside me from the beginning.

Anonymous said...

I keep going, because I'm a dumbass schmuck.

I never blamed you for anything, I never had any sort of resentment towards you. Maybe it seemed like I did? Maybe it seemed like I was angry. No, it was the world I was upset with. Taking everything on like I had some noble cause to settle. You were never there, you were never here. I looked on you with adoration as well. I've never been one to be an egotistical douche, but I guess it was my pride being inflated from all the years of social rejection. Like I had something that others didn't, when really all I had was insecurities and doubts in myself. Don't assume to know what I am, as I don't assume to know what you are. We both don't know each other.

Everything I did was a delusional farce, fake it til' ya make it. I'm not out for you, you're not out for me. But if these things just happen out of each others control, what is it? What keeps each of us coming back, playing games? What keeps me writing and trying to convince you that I didn't do it maliciously? That I really have no agenda and never did? We never had anything, we never had each other. I can never make you mine and you can never make me yours.

You be you and I'll be me. That should be enough, I'd hope. I just can't be kept wondering any longer, when I've given all I know how to give.

Anonymous said...

I ever saw the truth in the first place.. But when it turned into delusion i couldnt take it.. And now when you want me to see the truth, i dont think i can see it.. Coz you ever started with big lie.

Anonymous said...

What am I supposed to believe in this silent void?

Everything's a lie, I say reject because I was a douche.

You can go on believing/assuming whatever it is you believe about me. Delusion because none of this was ever a reality. Don't turn my words around into something they aren't. Don't pretend to have me figured out. How can I screw everything up before you even give me a chance? I guess I did.

You never showed me the real you, I never showed you the real me. You can't pretend know what I am, I can't pretend to know what you are.

Why are you so afraid of a simple friendship? Don't be so quick to judge when you never actually knew me.

Anonymous said...

I did not deserve this. But you say I am "insignificant". Thanks for telling me. I guess I had hoped for better.

Anonymous said...

Ey! I'm opened to everything .... as bad as that sounds .... haha

You are the one making assumptions now

You can dare me to do whatever you want, but the real thing is that I already struggle and I can't go further in my position. I have pressure enough believe it please, I am my own pressure ... Either is rejection.

You can't expect someone always to move in your direction. I don't think be good for your e-g-o.

If you want to contact me, tell me, I'll give you my e-mail and will be as friends as Pin&Pon :D YUPI!

Anonymous said...

You know everything there is to know about me. You ought to know that I love you - I remind you all of the time. I just wonder why you don't seem to trust me enough to be open about my existence as it relates to you. In whatever capacity. I don't bite. Much. (wink) ♥

I always want to get to know you MORE. Never the other way around.

Anonymous said...

My assumptions are dead. I don't know what you think/feel about me. It's wrong for me to assume I know what you assume. I don't know how you judge me. Silly of me to make such a judgment call on your judgments.

Ignorant I am to all of this. You contacting me will not be a validation of you going in my direction, I have no direction. So insignificant, that the significance popped right out. My memories of you are far and few between. No more words can I say, so silent I'll remain. I'll speak not another word.

Anonymous said...

You write as if you were me. Which makes me smile because I know that means our memories are still being made as we speak. I don't want silence at all.
Love,
Me

Anonymous said...

from my point of view some of your judgements were really funny, I laughed a lot, I hope you laugh too :)
I think is very funny

Anonymous said...

You can keep your love. It was nothing but cancer to me.

Anonymous said...

That was my plan from the beginning, make judgments based on a shallow memory base to show how ignorant I really was to you. Then one thing led to another and piled on another and before you know it, here we are. I'm a mentally incompetent asshole. Emotions are a strange dire thing, give me a robot heart.

None of this was that big of a deal. I laughed all the way home.

BI LIKE ME said...

Ok..now I get it..

Don't Give Up On Me said...

It takes truth to let you go, but I'm still holding on.