Friday, April 24, 2009
The Brief Self-Portrait
You have blue eyes that go green when you smoke or drink too much and never shave with a razor, a permanent 5 o’clock shadow. You have dark rings under your eyes from not sleeping or waking up in the middle of the night to write something down before you forget. Your hair’s thinning at the top so you shave it to try and make it look like you chose to look this way. It was once bright white when you were a child but went darker over the years, what’s left of it at least. There’re tiny flecks of grey on the sides. You practice smiling when you look in the mirror but can never seem to get it right. When you do, people point out your dimples.
Written by Me at 12:16 AM
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Another life, some things were right, but I left because love had run out.
I know longer seek to be the mean I was but the human with you I missed being.
the minute details are everything and nothing.
Sometimes life shocks me. There's so much sadness.
Also? You glow from within.
(and you shed emoti-thingies like skin cells...)
ahh do your eyes change colours? this reminds me of so many things. good times :)
your eyes change colour and your hair changes colour...anymor?
I have eyes that are attuned to everything and yet seem to focus only on you.
My legs are shaved in the hopes that the next time they graze yours, you'll place your hand on my lap.
I don't have dark rings. But many a night have i cried myself to sleep because of you.
I used to let my hair fall over my face. Now i tie it up so that you'll actually notice when i'm around.
My smile is the kind that exposes my set of yellowish dinosaur fangs. And i hope you find that charming in a twisted way. Cz i can't stop smiling when i see you.
But of course i don't fit the frame. And i would never fit the frame.
Of your perfect girl, that is.
Every word you write penetrates.
Somehow with the simplest of thoughts it tears up the insides.
Wow, I feel like this was written word for word about me. This is amazing and the mood that I'm in as reading it just makes it all the more insane to comprehend fully right now.
This is my favorite.
you look just like I remember.
I know, I know my blue eyes go green when I do things too much. I know they go grey when I am trying not to cry and that my hair gets way too greasy when I'm stressed because I just get so busy I don't bother myself with things like eating or sleeping. You forget though Darling, I do choose to look this way, I always have. Beauty and I have never gotten along nearly as well as we should and I understand that, really I do. You're right, how did you know that? The mirror always makes it seem as though all my teeth are crooked and my lips are shattered beyond repair - no wonder you wouldn't kiss me before you left. My dimples have always been so very unkind to me, even though I out grew them so very long ago. I know, I know my blue eyes go green when I do things too much. I know they go grey when I'm trying not to cry and that my hair gets greasy when I'm stressed. Just like I know you looked at me this morning and couldn't tell what color my eyes were because they had flecks of everything and you asked me why I didn't just wash my hair when I washed my face before leaving the house. I know you worry about me and you say it's just because you care, but Darling, I wish you didn't know me so well because I sat down here today with the intent of telling you what's wrong, and now I can't bring myself to do it. It's like all the words suddenly lost their meanings and the ink turned to a paste that wont stick to the pages. I know Darling, I know. And I'm so sorry.
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