Only because it's still so raw and real. Soon I'll just be a series of images that sometimes flash through your mind, when you least expect it. And after that, only a few will stay. Then, one. A memory of a memory.
Thursday, August 12, 2010
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That is beautiful and so exactly how I am feeling right now I sometimes wonder if you're my subconscious. Thanks.
It's still so raw even though I have no memories of you </3
I really hope I don't feel this way forever
I hope so. I want to forget.
We were both too insecure for our own good.
Today you let it slip that there may be someone else.
You have every right not to tell me even though I ask constantly but so silently, please, let me stop, let me have a reason to stop liking you so much. Let there be a reason for me to cry, to let loose all my frustration at not being what you are looking for, at how that isn't my fault or yours either but that of genetic destiny.
Tell me truthfully so I can move on. It's like seeing the same people at the same transit stop every day and not saying a single word to anyone for years. Such close proximity but no clue of exactly what is going on in their worlds.
But you said hello, and I said hello, back.
Become that stranger again to me, I beg of you.
I know what I am not. You know what I am not. We all know what she is.
And yet instead of watching you, everyone else is watching me. Waiting for my reaction. Waiting to see what I will do.
Such a scene. So tense. I'll disembark here, I'd rather walk alone the rest of the way than make you uncomfortable.
I should have done that to begin with.
I love this, btw, I love the song too
My warmest smile,
just a memory..
I hope so. I don't think I would like it to be anything more than a memory of a memory.
This is so beautiful.
I stopped breathing for a moment....I felt as if these lines are written for me...reading you is like am reading my own inner world..
♥ lovely as always ♥
i have 23 images now and that is UP 3 from 2 years ago.
I need labotamy
the fact is she is scary because shes not really who I want and thank god we not together.
still i love her but not in love anymore
To remain as a memory is still better than no memory at all, no? I think it is best, we are, the way we are now. A memory of a memory.
Memory of a memory, I've moved on and let you go.
They're telling that your silence means you don't care. They're telling me that I did nothing, but wrong you. They're telling me that I had no right to say the things I said. They're telling me that my behaviors scared my friends so much that none of them want anything to do with me cuz of my insanity. They're telling me to let all of this go and move on. I went to the looney bin for all of this and was willing to let it go at the first "No, that's not true she told me so." Or "You got it all wrong, really you did."
No, all I've got is silence from all around the entire time. They just doubled my dose of medication and told me to let go of my friends and make new ones. A;; I did was some stupid stuff online.
Freedom of speech, of this my right was trampled.
I'd let you go before any of this had begun.
thank you (:
memory is the heart's most sworn enemy.
this stop is mine
my heart stays on
(even when I do not)
the smell of cinnamon
in the pocket of your leather jacket
the creamy feel of the satin lining
as I wrap my hands around your waist
pull you close to me,
sitting tight in a red vinyl booth
3am in a crowded restaurant
where we are the only ones
I barely touched my omelet
You nursed a cup of coffee, black
Translucent words are shadows
for what was truly being said
I can still taste you on my tongue
I can still smell you as you sleep
I can still see your wide laughing smile
I can still hear the gray of 4am in your arms
(“I want you to know,
I want you to hear me,
I say it, but I want you to hear it,
to know that I say it consciously:
I love you”)
my impatient heart knows this path
against my will,
I knew you before I knew you existed
for this reason
you do not fade
my secret heart laid bare
you’re practicing psychometry,
against my will,
brushing away a tear
for this reason
you do not fade
the fractal art of living
evaporates into the wane of years
and I am aware
you are a collection of
I am a collection of
I've just come back from three weeks without internet and have a massive backlog of your posts to read.
I don't think their could be any greater coming home present in the world. Thank you.
As always; this is beautiful.
The advantage of a bad memory is that one enjoys several times the same good things for the first time.
- Friedrich Nietzsche German philosopher (1844 - 1900)
You know where to find me should you change your mind. I will miss you deeply either way. This hurts. By now I should be used to it, but I'm not. Sunsets trump storm clouds. All I can do is all I can do for now which is to say wait and hope...
Was the previous comment written by you? I am sorry for breaking your heart.. But this is for the best. You should had knew better than to go after the forbidden fruit. I do miss you, but you are already gone, and I know it would be cruel to talk to you again. I do miss you, but I love him. And this is how things will fall. Goodnight.
My memory is bad, but when it comes to you I forget nothing.
Anonymous you are making me sad...
and Assumed Femme Fatale I just love everything you post. This poem is really beautiful. I am assuming you have it written somewhere else.
Do you have a blog that a person can follow? I
I've tried to figure that out.
How do you love someone who claims to love you back but refuses to call or show? You love back regardless, from a distance... and at times you are so sad but often you are happy just to feel love.
Thank you :) :) No, I don't have a blog. I write in tribute to the amazing author & creator of this blog, I love what he does here, and hope to add a little in some way.
I write for a man I love with all of my heart, whom I cannot say I love you to every morning by rolling over next to him, so I try to here, because I know he is reading this (btw, I love you & I miss you more than you know, my dear :) )
I try to take a few minutes in the morning at work before I start my day and use the day's post as inspiration & a writing exercise, easy, when it's so beautiful and heart-rending as what is posted here.
Don't be sad, true love exists, it is real, I know this with every little piece of my being. I know that the entire universe is conspiring to make you happy, if you just open yourself up to it, ask the right questions, and realign your life to live authentically & with compassion, something I am trying to do right now. I know that life is hard, brutally so, and I know love makes everything worth it :)
You know why do I love someone who refuses to call or show? Im gonna explain it to you why, some of the whys
1st because my heart is my boss
2nd because I love romantic love, as a painter loves to paint
3rd because there is synchronicity, so there is opportunity and I take it, what the other part do..... I cannot control and I dont want to control it either
4th because if I dont pick up the call it wont stoooop, I mean a heart-call (anyone knows what that is?)
5th I dont like regrets at all
6th the world is changing so are we, to love the soul before the body is part of evolution, why then internet etc?
7th and because entertains me, entertains you and at the same time we are practicing ESP, so we are gonna need it
8th when you are a sensitive person not expressing your feelings and intentions .... is pretty painful
9th OK OK ..... because I am..... because I am ...... :'( .... because we are a little bit crazy... uuuffff
(yes you too..... dont look at this like that... you too!)
This is what I'm most afraid of.
I'm afraid that I'm just some girl that liked you once, that was an annoying inconvenience every once in a while.
I'm afraid that I'll be just that to you, while you'll forever be imprinted in my mind.
I love being one half of the secret that is us. I never want you to regret anything, just as I never want you to exit my life. You entertain me every day in the best way because you entertain with nothing but the promise of love. I'm so lucky to "have" you. I hate that I can't actually have you. What a cruel world we live in.
I think about you every day... all day and into the night. I don't regret this at all and I feel no need to apologize either. In short, I am crazy in love with you...
Those last few posts are just making me melt like honey-butter in hot cornbread.
What you meant to me was different from what I meant to you.
The way I feel. I wish someone had warned me beforehand. Told me "stop!" "wait!" "Hold on!" Your heart will be crushed like ice.
I know... I know I am just a memory for you. Something you look back on in a vagueness, perhaps with a slight smile or frown. I wan't to look back at you like that. I want to look back at it all and be clinical like you and inspect what was and say 'see it wouldn't have worked'
But my heart won't let me be like that. And still now, 3 months later, I wake up with your name on my lips, your face in my mind. While you wake up somewhere across the world, with other womens' names and other memories of other people merged in your mind. You don't miss me or remember me or hold me close in your mind. The last thing you said, was to leave you alone. I fear my heart will never recover from that.
I wish I make you the memory you have made me. It's my prayer every day.
Yet you could never be a memory of just a memory. No other man could ever make me feel this way and I could never escape the memory of you, the need and want for you.
I wish I knew. I wish I knew if I was only a memory of a memory to you or someone that continues to be with you everyday. I wish I knew which one of us walked away from the other.
It's just a memory to our lane of dreams.
A memory of a thought, my dreams made me dream more
My dreams have made me and I live my dream. Compliments and critique keep me on the right path.
Frustrations and proudness both feed the wil I have to feel and live my dreams.
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