And in you and in all of us, there is nothing more than the capacity to be a force for, or a force against. And to wonder, how many people wake up each morning and can't decide if they want to save the world, or destroy it.
Thursday, October 21, 2010
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What ever happened to just watching it go by?
I just want to make it better. Us. Together. And by the way, it was for our first kiss. And still is. We want the same thing.
i wonder this a lot while on public transportation...
I work in the grocery store now, full time. They play nothing but love songs over the speakers and everyone reminds me of YOU. I'm doing better now, I swear. Reality.
Remember when we used to work together, sweetie? I could never fake it around you, brought out the best of the worst in me.
I'm letting you decide when you think is best. I've always given you that control, as you probably know. I'm just as cautious as you are, believe me.
If these things take forever, I especially am slow.
You were never my enemy, you were my accomplice.
I hope you're doing well, as I am. Progress and fortune. Let's take a yoga class with each other one day :)
The theatrics of all this amazed and confused me.
And how many people wake up each morning but are never truly awake...
Beautiful as always :)
I love this. But most days I dont think any of us have the capacity to do either to its full extent.
What if I do want to save it, but I end up destroying it?
It's a mood thing.
yoh...i love it tho
And so I tried,
I tried to be more,
both for and against,
because I couldn't feel the difference anymore,
Between your heart beat and mine.
Because loosing my soul was the only way left to save it.
I read a children's book yesterday when I visit my therapist the name of the book is "old turtle" written by a Chinese. Here is what the story about "what is GOD?" The old turtle wisdom is "GOD IS EVERYTHING" It changed their thought about the question including the wind & the rock, the sea and the mountain...
We are turtles that neither are changed by the old turtle widsom :(
People have more power than they realize, good or bad. Why waste it?
I wanted to get over all that happened before I saw you again. I said some things, some really stupid things. Not just to you, but to others as well. For a time there I felt such a guilt about it all.
I'm over it now, completely done. Why did I let myself become so self-centered? The Universe revolved around my predicament, but it was all my own making. I understand your distance probably more so than anyone else, why you play keep away.
Am I just an emotional vampire after your heart, expecting to give nothing in return? Expecting it all to go my way and my direction?
No, of course not. You have to know I hold you with the utmost respect, though I've had a hard time showing it. The idea of you and I together means the world to me, so much so that I felt the need to verbally diminish that meaning because I was scared/cowardly. You need to know this type of condition starts with an unimaginable high, then a crash down to reality that makes you speculate all the worst. I've leveled out.
I'm done being scared, I'm done facing this like a coward. I have nothing to feel sorry for, I am blessed beyond words can describe with all that I already have in my life at the present moment.
I'm ready whenever you are.
Is this for all of us?
The past is no more, let's move forward.
Inundated, information overload. What's going on here? Identity crisis, noooooo. Scapegoat, alienation. I didn't mean that, heard me wrong. Swear I'm over it, just keep going. Foot in mouth. All on me, my bad. Fantasy? Reality? Can't compute, errrrrrr. No more, done now. So sorry.
I hear you loud and clear.
I am exhausted, honey, you dont know how much I want to go home and take a looog rest in your arms...
"...a force for, or a force against". I liked that, because at times when I wonder if the little bit of extra positive effort I put in is worth it, I remind myself to think what it would be like if I put in the same amount of negative effort instead. Then the question answers itself.
Sad that it's seldom even a consideration.
Let this be a snapshot of my heartened disorder. I've had no idea what I'm doing, what's gone on. I've made you wait, by blabbing like an idiot who doesn't know the truth of the matter. I needed to forget, but kept the disaster alive in my mind for far too long. A need to explain, what you already know.
I wish nothing more than to see you again, to hold you close. For you to put your trust in me and mine into you. Know that I have tried to be completely honest the entire time to the best of my mentally incompetent abilities.
I too have grown accustomed to our "awkward" scenario and I'll wait, but is it me waiting on you or you waiting on me?
Whichever, let's both try to enjoy this life while we have it.
I have nothing to give, but my love.
You only openned the door once for me. I am annoying orange...You probabaly need earplugs :( Love.
I wish you could come and save me from my misery. You wish me to go save you from your misery...But I know I'd be waiting in vain...
I'm beyond ready for any way in which you may see fit to accommodate me into your life. You must know that I will love and trust you for all of always. You brighten my existence every single day. And I'm ever so grateful. You need not worry. I've been content to date in the shadow but I constantly wonder what... what... You know. XO <3
I am sorry to make you wait. You've been more than patient with me. I don't deserve you. There is a place made for you and it has been there for as long as I can remember. It can never be filled by any other but you. I will wait for as long as necessary, but I do have some very crispy grapes I'd love to share with you now.
Misery might be a state of mind, and really I have to say I feel good. My system doesn't process misery :)
if you could ever just describe the world in a nutshell...
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