The biggest scars are unseen and unremembered, always from a smile you forgot long ago. We would never get anything done otherwise.
Friday, December 17, 2010
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69 comments:
the scars that take the longest to heal
the scars that heal and leave a shriveled up void in their place, unfeeling, numb
the scars that bleed till there was no more blood
the scars that feel like yesterday even now
the scars that have the power to make me get through the roughest of time, your smile shininh through
the scars that have the power to make the the perfect the imperfect, because you arent here
the scars you gave me when you walked away and never looked back
i'm right where you left me, with these scars for company,
please come back my love.
Yes, EXACTLY. Whatever you do, whomever you are, don't people up for pitfalls. Especially for no good reason. Especially if they are clearly weaker, more vulnerable, compromised, wounded blah, blah, blah that you as a being. When you care about much less love someone as a Being or friend you PROTECT THEM, not get close enough to try and screw them and use that to destroy their good-faith well-being they trusted in you. It's bullsh7t like I've seen as handful of bad souls cause than has terrified me of so many, torn between not wanting to hurt or break hearts, and afraid any seemingly friendly face could just be another fraud where a soul was supposed to be reflected. Oh well. That's what we get for living in a world so rife with whatever. Meh.
That covering is also the mask that we wear for various reasons.
And yet if you forget the ground you stand on, all our castles are only built of air. Maybe it's okay to remember than smile, maybe it's just what you need to learn to wear it on your own face. xxxo
I really admire your ability to say so much with so few words. Growing up, I 'liked' words and found their history intriquing. But I did not follow up on my interests beyond my abusing the English language.
You have such a mastery with words as you are able to say with a handful of perfectly placed and spaced letters, feelings that many can identify with and are inspired by. I am glad that whatever brought me here, did so.
L&R
Mark
I will always remember your smile, the sound of your laughter...that hurts more than remembering the day you died...you are at peace but we will never be US again.
I love you and miss you...I won't forget, the scars are healed, the sounds of your voice echo in my brain after all these years.
Merry Christmas in Heaven to my Mom, my Brother, and my First Love.
had i not buried you somewhere in the back of my mind, i'd still be lying on the floor of that old house where you left me. the worst part is that we're still so close... and when we catch each other's eyes, you can still see the pools of sadness. neither of us will ever admit we were once so in love to anyone though. even ourselves.
another time, another place, perhaps without that other girl.
I didn't/don't intend to make it harder. You are just too good to be true for me and I can't convince myself that you are real with your loving me in the shadows. My feelings for you are real and my love for you is real. I can feel you so close to me.
I announced my love for you to the world, however, you told the world that you want nothing to do with me. how can I convince myself that I am not dreaming? Right this moment I think it's all my fixed delusional thoughts. You make the whole world to convince me of this. Remember The shot I had in the hospital and those pills they made me take? They were working and I did feel less stressful with my obssessive thought about you. I stopped the pills cause I'd rather be able to dream of you and get stressed than not dream of you and be normal.
Please don't ever doubt my love for you. I went to you with all my heart with the only hesitation that you may really want nothing to do me. Please don't blame me for not reaching our goals cause once I believed that I was going to jail for what I did.
If you think I am not good enough for you, leave please. Don't make it harder for me, and thereof make it harder for you too.
I'm trying my best to hide them now.
You can try to cover up even the deepest scars left from a smile you forgot long ago, but there's something undeniable about the eyes which leaves the biggest impression for which you cannot forget nor deny. The eyes in the night from years past of whom will never hurt me because it's those eyes I trust. It's those eyes I have always loved. Love Me.
journeys through voyeurism
my words convey the truth
of the stand I have taken
on this matter, I
evolved into a willing co-conspirator
armed with the knowledge that
you came closer because
something about me
drew you in so I found
myself only wanting to
pull you closer
in to me
Through the confusion
I'm certain is deliberate
I want to shout out
let's tell our story together!
it's an exceptional one
A rare original
a sign of our time
with brilliance ahead
of the guidelines that
humanity has established
thus far
tick-tock
I cannot help but
reiterate the sentiment
in my heart which is to say
if you love me as
I can only love you
let the world in on our
secret story
it begs to be told
let me enter the sunshine
the shadow is just...
too unbearably cold
you and you alone
have the power to
decide… hurt me
or love me
into our eternity
and that Sir,
is not a lie
And neither is this…
I love you with
all of my heart.
The worst scars are the ones unseen.
-R
There was always a Smile .
If you never saw it there ,Felt it was Lost .
Then At Times I always Felt ,You never saw me ,was only Looking Through Me
Maybe it made me Sound Like
I lived in such a Fantasy World
Never Facing Reality
That was Never so Far
From the Truth
As Reality ,Was There I knew it
Felt it
Suffered by it's own Hands
Tasted The Blood
Crawled to a corner ,to escape
Scars always seem like the Glue that holds a body together .
Please Tell Me
Please Tell Me
Why? Did You always think I needed Fixing
To you see that I was Broken inside
Was you So deeply shame of Me
That it became a Strong Need inside You
To fix me
To fix me ,was To Change Me
To How You ,thought I should be acting Like
Why was I not Allow To have Time and Allow Love
To allow Time To Heal Me
To Feel Your Love
A Love I never Felt Before
Why ,Did You Need To Fix Me
Why ,Did Fixing Me ,meant Changing the Way I was
That would of been Changing that same Woman
You Spoke
I LOVE YOU TOO
Was I never Good Enough
Did you Feel as I felt
Inside When You Looked At Me
Disgust
Is that Why by your Hands
I felt Rejection
Was You so shame of me
From The Hands of Others of My Past
When You Looked At Me
Was I so Dirty
That is Why
The Rejection was Felt
Please Tell Me
Please Tell Me
Hate and Love Relationship
Words you Proudly Spoken To me and all else
That Is Type Of Love
I Knew From Birth
Hate and Love
Something Happened
Your Love That was a Love I never Known Before
Became What I always Knew
Love and Hate Relationship
Then The Deepest Blaming Started Coming Towards Me
You told Me as a Child I had
Choices to Speak Up
To Stop The Suffering
Didn't you understand
I never knew Better
I thought that was What Love was Suppose To be Like
For all the Suffering ,Felt by the Hands I Trusted
Although You Made Me Feel
As Everything ever Happened in My Life
Some How I created something
Some way
For those Hands I trusted To Hate and Love Me as They did
What Did I create or Do
To Give anyone Permission
Or
Lay Down to Suffer so much as a Child
What did I do
To tell anyone it was Okay
To Hurt me and Leave Me Crying on the Floor
Like One of My Broken Dolls
Please Tell Me
Please Tell Me
I want to Understand
The Secret Was
Through Everything that Happened
I couldn't Find it in Me To Hate Them
Oh I really Tried So Hard
To Hate Them
Truth Was
I LOVE THEM
Although You See ,You Must of Missed Out on Understanding Something About Me
I could never Hate Those That Hurt Me
Some How it was only thing I ever Felt close to Love
It was My Self
That I punished
Rejected
Filled with Shame
There Had To Been Something Dearly Wrong With Me
I must of Been Born
That in this World Others could See
That was Invisible to me
I withdrawn
Punished My self
As a Failure Long Time Ago
Scars seals all those broken pieces together
I must of Been Placed on this Earth By Hands of This God
To Suffer By the Hands of those I trusted
To not be able to Hate
Only See Good
So you have To Believe
That something was Plain Ugly about Who I am
For Now The Truest Love in My Soul
A Man That I trusted
Spoke Words
Love and Hate Relationship
You felt for Me
My Heart Rather ,Live Alone than Hurt Anyone .
There must be something Wrong ,That You Fell in Love With Me
But never Accepted Me ,as you always Kept Wanting to Fix me
To be Fixed ,how you thought I should be and act .
You was filled With Disgust Knowing all Those Dirty Ugly
Secrets About Me
That is Why
You tried so HARD
To Fix Me
Fixing Me ,was Changing the Woman I was at the Time
You was Not Proud of Me
Rejection Played a Part In this Relationship
As I was Disgusting
That a Woman After Finding out the Truth
All those Dirty Hidden Secrets
That some Where Hidden inside You
Was Filled With Rejection Towards Me
As a Woman
What I saw in your Eyes and actions ,That didn't leave Scars ,only Killed me .
As my Spirit Filled
Each Night
Each Year
With a Strong Shame For My Own Self
As the one Person that one Time
Showed me What Love was really suppose to feel Like
Now has Rejected Me
When I told Truth
Upon all Those Hidden Secrets I was Hiding Behind All those Walls
That Fixing me ,seemed Break Down .
Even then Life held no choices
Love ,You never allowed yourself to ever Believe the Good in me .
That Truly
I Love You
To see it in Your Eyes
Shattered Every thing Inside Me
Wanted you Stop Loving Me
Only HATE me
I held enough Trust in Knowing Who You Was
That you could be the Type
To Be Hurt
Push Me Completely out Your Life
TAKE LIFE
Create something NEW for YOU
I believed That Knowing YOU
Would Close the Door .
So Those Words That was Told to me as a Child
That No one Will Love Me
I believe that might be True
As now those same exact Words I saved on my Cell Voice Mail
Was Spoken out your mouth to me
I rather Live Rest Of My Life Alone
Than Ever Feel Shame
To be Rejected
To see in Your Eyes This
Love and Hate Relationship
To Feel The Hands of Being Blame For My Mistakes
AND
Those Mistakes of Others Do
Did You Really Know Me As Spoke
Was Fixing Me ,So IMPORTANT to you
That Knowing WOULD change Me
Please Tell Me
Please Tell Me
Did You Not LOVE me
Just The Way I was
That I didn't need be FIXED
That you so much Tried always Get Me To See REALITY
What you never Understood
I Lived that Reality in a Beyond manner in This Life
I spoke The TRUTH
When I would tell You
JUST LOVE ME
NO MATTER
JUST LOVE ME
Seemed Never Quiet was understood .
Was made to believe I only wanted Pity .
Or Selfishly Played The Victim .
Sometimes in me ,I pray that ,It was only that ,that happen .
I walked Away
I know and Trust the TRUTH in my Heart
It will NEVER
Be a Hate and Love
Not in This Heart
That is One Good Thing God created In ME
TRUTH is
I LOVE YOU
You have Plenty of Friends
To call
To Support
To be there
To offer Advice
You Don''t Need Me
That is clear Now
As Far as You Making Yourself believe the Worst About ME
In saying
Your Love was never Good Enough For Me
That was So Untrue
Your Love
Was The Only Real Love I ever Felt that made me Feel COMPLETE
You was always Perfect Just the way You was
I wouldn't ever Changed anything of YOU
Your Love flowed Through my entire Body
That made me feel so happy and Filled With Life I never Knew Existed
Till The Rejection came
Then I knew for a Long Time Ago
I was not accepted
Unless I can fix myself
You Would not be Complete
You would always in back Your Mind
Still be Searching
For maybe
Just Maybe
That PERFECT ONE
That Little Girl is Gone
Reality is all I now See
Maybe This is What You wanted to Fix me as
There will always be Something Missing in me
Silence is What You want
Please Don't Fear Me
There is No More Fight Left in Me
Asking Myself
Was it so Wrong to Want to Hear You say
I LOVE YOU
Even though I already knew the Truth
Was it Wrong Just
Wanted To Feel Your Love
Not your Disappointments
Was it Wrong
To just want to feel as
I WAS the only one in your Life
Was it Wrong
To want the Man I Desired So Much
To actually WANT me with Desires
That Little Girl is Gone
Reality is all I now See
Maybe This is What You wanted to Fix me as
There will always be Something Missing in me
Silence is What You want
Please Don't Fear Me
There is No More Fight Left in Me
Then The Withdrawn
The Distance
The Silence
Became a Very Big Part of This
Hate and Love Relationship
We shared Together
Did you not care to actually See Me
Was it more Important to see through me
Could you not understand .
That Fixing Me was Changing me .
Telling me
The Woman ,you Said You Love .
Was not Good Enough
You Was Shame to know those Secrets
That now I needed fixing .
To how you saw me to be
Not how the Woman I was
So only ugliness was Shown with Lies .
Because That is all you saw in me to be True
Scars ,seal our puzzles together .
The eyes you trust... It makes me want to cry...
I can never deny that...it's those eyes that let out my deepest secrets... I love you. I miss you constantly.
and sometimes, when they smile again, you remember.
It's the scars that make you beautiful and you cover it with humor. If you had no scars would you laugh as much, smile as much? I don't think you would know how good things are when they are good.
So we wear the scars without talking about them, but instead allow them to shape our character. Some people call it a mask, I call it decorations of a true spirit.
They are my prove, my souvenirs from the time we spent together.
http://nostalgicsoulfacesreality.blogspot.com/
But sometimes a smell or a sound brings it all back in biting waves of bitter wind. And then in that moment you remember, and cannot breathe.
to say it all in a poem ,a love once then to let go in a poem is very sad as that love was a nothing ,a nobody .Which doesn't really matter ,as in life some just deserve it that way .Nothing was different and That person was used to being treated that way .
When love loses the hope and belief ,you find it only a empty shell .As across the internet ,you find many knew more than you did .As that Love shared between two ,really was not that special .To end ,this would be What someone like me deserved .thank you from all beats of my heart .now even God ,can take me as there is nothing holding me here .
Goodbye ,last beat my heart was made a laugh ,dearly hope many enjoyed it .
R.
The scars that will never heal...and those faked smiles I hate the most...I can only pretend not seeing them.
Sometimes you make me laugh that you even have scars...
Now im smiling, but down there i forgot how the smile was. What joy was smile could bring.
And I couldnt feel it, since i have the unseen scar.
I didnt try to fix you, its you who try to fix me cruelly...what belief should I have for us? tell me...
A million words you uttered...not a single one I can hold on to...
At least I was brave enough to tell you my feelings, I wrote, I called, I left you messages, I tried to speak to you...If you really mean what you uttered to me, then I am a better person than you are, unless you are just playing a game
Fare Well is a meaning of Truth that Scars always Fade towards Peace of Heaven .
Where all shall be Good
If love is true, and I know for a fact that it is… then why hide from it and why hide it from the world? The greatest joy of earthly wonder deserves to be celebrated wholeheartedly - embraced, welcomed and cherished. Cared for and tended to, just as if it were a home.
I try to arrive there constantly. But home eludes me, as if it were hidden from view by layers of fog. I'll just say what I feel. I know you will listen. I love you. More than anyone I have ever known. I just don't understand how to secure your ultimate trust. Think back to the past… I was all set and willing for a TJ with you. But, also I'm aware that trespassing is unlawful. At this fork in the journey, which path would you most like for me to choose? Choose none? I can't do that. I feel certain that together we can find a balance, a remedy. I wish you felt comfortable talking to me openly. I never imagined that my true love in this lifetime wouldn't call me on the phone. Don't get mad, I'm smiling at the silliness of our situation.
You most likely won't post this and that's fine. Just know that I love you and that I wish you could understand that I only want you to be happy. You make me happy, even when you don't.
Love,
Me
If I said goodbye first, would it release you from your misery? Tell me, or I will never know.
If you can't enjoy loving me from the shadows, then what keep you there waiting for me? You are very different... I love you with all my heart and I think about you constantly. When will this waiting be over? When can I wrap my arms around you? I can't wait and I search everything thar I can do that I think makes me related to you... I want to be your partner...in life...love<3
It's a turn on,
to be sure
Stockholme's syndrome?
I feel like a princess
for the first time
Donkey Kong and
a metal bikini
I feel your nerdy love, and I
bask in it, greedily...
I love you back.
you know this
we are so strong together
you hold me captive
I dislike winter
even on such occasion
as the solstice
what plans have you...
my captor?
I would like to travel south
but I'd like for you to weigh in
on such a matter
my confidante
my love
my everything, always.
They wont fade away and I wont let them
http://nostalgicsoulfacesreality.blogspot.com/
Or I go back to my old job until we can meet each other again unexpected...which one do you prefer?
How can I convince myself that you are there waiting for me?
The first thing I will include in my future plan would be you if you could make me belive you sincerely want to on my plan list.
I would make you never let me leave if you could let me have you in the first place...I am trying very hard to forget about you, maybe that is the best thing to do for both of us even though I dont want to think this way. Helpless....I love you.
I dont have the courage to do it again and please ask me to stop what I am doing from the shadows and I will. Its a favor I need to ask you for me.
Even though you tried everything you could to help me, I did my best and that proves that I am not good enough for you. I admit it and you might as well admit it too. It will do good to both of us to be realistic. Dreaming is not for real. I want a REAL person that I can see, touch, feel and talk to.
Life is too short...
Pls I dont regret what I did. I tried my best. If I hadnt done it I would have never known what I know today. It just didnt work out for us...lets blame the weather man..
You are forever in my heart
Love me
I didn't think you needed fixing. I only felt you needed holding. That is all I want to do.
blah,blah,blah,blah,blah,blah,blah,=3blah,blah,blah,blah,blah,blah,blah o.O
blah,blah,blah,blah,blah,blah,blah
=^.^=
blah,blah,blah,blah,blah,blah,blah
x)
blah,blah,blah,blah,blah,blah,blah
>.<
I don't know how I missed this post.
It's... heartbreaking, really. I wear my deepest scars more obviously than others, and it really is a wonder sometimes I manage to get through the day.
But at least I try.
We are strong together. Being away from you makes me weak. I am trying in the way I can...Please be understanding... Love <3
I was wrong and I am willing to wait for an appropriate accasion for us to meet again. Until then, I will be hugging and kissing you everyday in our imaginary world. Love <3
your plan list ,you know I do although ,thinking you didn't place me on that list .
You know when there are changes ,the changes are sometimes towards the good .
Those changes should at least be a chance .
There should be a face to face before The end
What ever transpires for the future .
I will always Love you ,no matter where our Lives takes you and me .
You know I will too .
Just as I do you .
You will be in my thoughts each day for rest of my life .
There is no more Fixing .
My heart is yours .
Will always be .
Though Some how I fear ,you have Returned it .
Tell me this is Wrong for the way I am feeling .
I'll never leave you, please promise me you'll never do that to me either... Love<3
The smile you forgot to share has a bigger impact than you think. Maybe we should stop forgetting our smiles and get back to being happy.
That time you didn't smile for me? You left a scar.
Bert,
I miss you
Ernie
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