Monday, September 10, 2012
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I need you to understand something. I wrote this for you. I wrote this for you and only you. Everyone else who reads it, doesn’t get it. They may think they get it, but they don’t. This is the sign you’ve been looking for. You were meant to read these words.
I think we finally ruined each other.
And...often the thing that hurts you ends up giving you the strength to help yourself.
I miss you. Jesus, I miss you so fucking bad.
And they may say it's bad for me. But I know only one way to stop the pain. I need you. With me. Friend. Love. Life.
i see him all around the city.
please be kind to yourself.
i miss you so much.
Loving the photographer in the head! :)
This is perfect. Usually the posts are all pretty spot on and I prefer to post more of an emotional, personal comment in response to it, but to me, the combination of photo, title, text is one of the best I've noticed in this site over the years. Kudos to both Iain and Jon :)
You let them in once years ago when still small and vulnerable, because after all they were all you had and that's what they were supposed to do - protect you. What else could you do then when you were no more than a squalling babe? But then they hurt you and you were sad. But that was just once,right?
It doesn't stop there though. You let them in again, into your bubble of secret thoughts and hidden vulnerabilities that you don't showcase for just anyone, but they just don't get it. There they go, they lash out at you, and you crumble like a sandcastle, so firm when fresh with wet sand, but crumbles away in the sunlight and a soft slap.
Again and again, you think it'll be alright, you don't put up enough precautions to protect yourself against them, because no matter what it just doesn't sink in how awful they are for you, but I mean, they're still supposed to care for you, and you're supposed to care about them, and if you don't take what they say to heart, then that means you don't really love them at all, right? And that's not right.
And now you're at that point where you've learned the hard way, lost seas of tears because of them, and can now block almost all of it out. Listen, withstand, process but not enough for it to truly get through to you. Don't react.
Yet, every so often, even now, it's just that one word, one sigh, one sideways glance, that alerts you what a disappointment you are, that no matter what you do you will never be good enough (maybe for other people, maybe even for yourself, but never for them - and that's the only thing that counts isn't it), and once again, you've become Achilles shot in the heel.
There's no way around it and now you know it'll last with you your entire life. Always a wound that will never heal, one of those scabs that can still be picked years later because of all the accumulated wound tissue of the past decades. There's nothing to do but hope you won't pick too badly at it and bleed to death (who are we kidding here, it'd be on purpose out of all likelihood). All we can do is hold fast until it ends.
I didn't want to hurt you. I really tried to help you. Things just didn't go as planned. In so sorry I broke you.
This time around wasn't such a huge blow to my pride or ego. I'm not obsessive about anything and not reading into signs that may or may not be there. True, being misunderstood and being taken advantage of is a bitch. I've learned too much though and grew skin thick enough to withstand any artillery that may hit me next. Not a wall built around my emotions, I've let them the tears flow and the process go through for my head to filter it all out. Now it's just a funny story, to share with someone one day. I got a future, so I'm told. I'll hold strong and pull through I'm already better of for all of it and wouldn't change a thing.
You didn't break me, darling. You almost did, but I was going to break anyway.
looks are so deceiving, aren't they? ;)
Looks are so deceiving, aren't they? ;)
"Maybe there's something you're afraid to say, someone you're afraid to love or somewhere you're afraid to go. It's gonna hurt. It's gonna hurt because it matters." -John Greene
And as I'm childlike in some ways and pretty obstinate, I won't follow the grown ups advice. I'll do it my way and head for the one I love.
You let them in again, into your bubble of secret thoughts and hidden vulnerabilities that you don't showcase for just anyone, but they just don't get it. There they go, they lash out at you, and you crumble like a sandcastle, so firm when fresh with wet sand, but crumbles away in the sunlight and a soft slap.
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