These things take time to remember. But you weren't always like this. I knew you before.
Wednesday, March 25, 2009
The Formality Of Glass And Ice
These things take time to remember. But you weren't always like this. I knew you before.
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But deep inside your soul hasn't changed.You just pretend for everyone to see.One day you'll forget about all of them and go back to what you once were.
You were mine.
memories are the only thing that dont change when everything else does.
It does seem like people change.
But sometimes, you look back, and realize they weren't any different. You were.
It's not fun on either end of that equation, believe it or not.
"Because I've since made graves/But I'm afraid to etch the names/For fear that I'm the one who's changed"
People evolve, but it results in a repertoire of attitudes. I can be the old me, I can be the old us, I can be new & improved. My memories allow me to draw upon a collection of emotional states. That's never changed.
My exboyfriend is having a real crisis in his life. He's going through hell and is convinced he can never be the person he once was. I'm making it my mission to show him that the guy I loved is there. We'll find him again. You've given me renewed hope.
Jessica- I went through exactly what you describe about a year ago. It caused me extreme grief + horror, I felt that I had lost the fundamental 'me'-ness, and I didn't know who I was, or how to change, which made it seem hopeless. But I discovered I had people that love me, and they helped me become me again! So I'm glad you're being there for him.
Im in this situation now... my boyffriend was told he had to go back to war in oct, we werent expecting it... long story short we went to him saying yes to marrying me to him breaking up with me a month before he left and me living on couches... he goes back and forth with whether he wants to be with me... he was sent home because of an injury before he even made it to bootcamp... now he is home and we are trying...
but he isnt the same towards me. he was for a week or so and it feels like he is indifferent... he says he has changed and that he wants to be with me, he knows he "should" be with me... but the I love yous have gone almost missing... and his affection is weening... he says he is trying to give me what i want... but it wasnt always work for him....
i want the old him back... the one that cared about me, thought about me, loved me effortlessly...
im drowning in this change in my own salted waters... he was mine once...
The most disappointing part was realizing that you honestly believed the old you wasn't good enough anymore.
I really don't like who I was.
But I'm not sure if I like who I am, either.
I'm not sure which of these different selves are truer to what is really "myself".
I know it sounds cheesy, but I think I'm losing touch of who I was. Who I am. Who I will be.
We are all different people at different times of our lives. The trick is to keep the good bits when you leave the old bits behind, at least in my opinion.
And everyone in some way is still there, somewhere.
Not really sure if I knew me before or I knew me right now. I wonder if anybody ever knew me?
and I really hope I could say this line to that one person, but I guess.. it didn't matter anymore..
the book is written... i said i am leaving...and instead of fighting for me he said ok, i could move out, you dont have too....
didnt knw i was bluffing... then again i didnt know he would let me go
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