We look at the people who tell the truth, who say real things in public, like they’re confused. Crazy. As if everything should be said safely or not at all and what you feel shouldn’t be taken seriously.
Which is why it's not polite to say "I'm going to kiss you now because I can't do anything else."
Thursday, March 26, 2009
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At times, I feel that other people, including me, are ending every sentence they utter with a question mark.
And sometimes, I don't volunteer my opinions for fear they do not belong in the majority. I need to stop doubting myself, too. But I do think things are improving regarding this aspect; I speak my mind most of the time now.
We always thought that people who told the truth is crazy, simply because it is so hard to hear or accept the truth. That is why many people get paid big money just to lie.
I just hope I can still be truthful to myself, which sometime I doubt that I do...
One of my biggest un-acted-upon secret desires is to spend an afternoon standing in front of an enormous office building, and to just walk up to every single person as they come out the front doors, take them gently by the shoulders, and kiss them full on the lips. Briefly, just for an instant.
I blurt things to strangers in public all the time -- overly truthful things, which are...crazy and impolite. As it were. And I get those "looks" (yes, _those_ looks) All The Time. But, more often than you would imagine, I get genuine, guileless smiles and a brief moment of light which is like seeing a door crack open, just for a moment. I'm okay with appearing confused and crazy, if it means occasional flashes of _that_...
(Apparently I never sleep anymore either. Not pleased.)
Oh the funny things about telling the truth...
you see I seriously thought it was only me who just want to say things that I trully truthfully feel.. but it seems like almost everyone is subject to such complication when telling the truth...
I would give anything to just bluntly say to him on one of our casual drive around the city...
"I like you -- in fact I think you may be the person I have been waiting for my entire life. I like the fact that you are completely oblivious in regard to how special and significant you are as a person, just for being you and how you make everyone else around you feel so special, wanted and loved. I absolutely love your childlike innocence that is accompanied with an unexpected innate sense of maturity that is beyond your years. I like the fact that you are completely unaware of your effect on me, how a single smile on your face in the morning leaves me completely bedazzled for the rest of the day and how you at times even thought that I disregarded you completely- that I did not see you in that way. I must excuse myself though, that was entirely my fault. You see, I felt that if I were to have my entire soul completely exposed to you then, I would be left vulnerable and at the mercy of your true affections towards me. I cannot have that - I have too much pride in myself to be completely vulnerable towards you because you might break my heart someday and I was not sure if I was ready for that just yet. Id rather have that passion conveniently concealed in the depths of my soul back then. But here I am, contradicting every single thing that I have thought of, scrapping any sense of self preservation on the way just so you would know the entire truth behind what I trully feel and what I have always thought and felt during those quiet times when we were driving around. In fact, I think I was lying when I said that I like you earlier on... you deserve much much more than that... so the absolute truth? I hope I don't catch you off guard - I think I love you."
But you see - if I did do that now, he would look at me with eyes filled with suspicion and ask me who had put me up for that... or probably burst out laughing and demand where he could find the cameras.. or look at me with great surprise and sadness trying to figure out a way to let me down easy... or just give me a look that screams out "you're crazy!"
But you see, you cannot tell the truth - noone is ever prepared to see that kind of rawness in a person...
Chess, I totally agree with you.
Baring one's soul to another is definitely a difficult task -- both to the giving and receiving end.
The truth is, there is only one person who I honestly would need to say that too. Saying it to anyone else would be a lie. Perhaps that is a crazy thing, a truth, that I want to spend the rest of my life with him and only him.
to the person who writes this blog:
to write such beautiful, but devastating words, i can't help but feel you must be a little sad yourself.
cheer up, friend. you have no idea how many others are in this with you.
People seem to find what they look for here.
I'm sure both you and I are sad sometimes and happy other times. That's just the way life works I figure.
It's lust but it's still true.
You posted on facebook this:
"I would like you to write it on a napkin. Or at the bottom of a library book. Or in the sand on a beach. Or in the background of a picture."
Well today I went to a little restaurant, picked up my menu, only to find a little piece of paper and a pen. Confused, I immediately thought of what you said, and wrote down "I Wrote This For You / Please Find This". I folded it into a small square, and put it in the little basket holding the tiny packs of sugar. Oddly enough, it felt kind of exhilarating. I was strangely excited for someone to find it.
I just thought you should know, that I'm trying to spread the word. In a less obvious way. (:
This is a beautiful post.
Thanks Elle, that's really, really cool of you :)
As I was reading this beautiful, beautiful post i had only one person in mind. And i pray to God.. that one day, he'll stumble upon it like i did and read what i'm about to say:
Kojack, i love you.
But by the time you find this, it'll probably be too late in one way or another. Yet the fact still remains;
Kojack, i love you. Always.
i just found this blog and im going through checking out some of the older posts. This one just struck me wow, i had this happen to me today. I had so much to say about how i feel when i just look at her, see her smile. But i couldnt get the courage to let her know. Tomorrow is always a new day tho.
And don't forget this please
[The Only Exception (Brand new eyes)]
... till you die and after
Don't know if people are or will ever be ready to recive completely truhful words, even less those we already know but can't face.
it's funny how everyone wants others to be honest and yet they seem unable to stop hiding behind a web of infinite lies. Most people say "i hate lies, hypocricy, infidelity,.." and Do they know how hypocritical they sound?. of course, they just prefer to give that kind of "look".
it's not that lies are bad and you should not do it. BE REAL we have to at times; as inevitable as breathing.
Just be one of those few who don't use it as hide. BE BRAVE and show your true self. Who cares if nobody cares, or if they do and give you those looks.
they say "life is a bitch.. and then, you die"..
what are you waiting for then? just put a leash on it..
[Just my opinion]
oh just felt like saying this to YOU
when ever i FEEL.. i come to this site, it reminds that this world still has a chance!. that there are people outside who can make humankind Jump free...
my best wishes..
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