In this room. With the curtains drawn. With the lights on. The sun shining outside. This is where you hurt the most.
Tuesday, November 1, 2011
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I need you to understand something. I wrote this for you. I wrote this for you and only you. Everyone else who reads it, doesn’t get it. They may think they get it, but they don’t. This is the sign you’ve been looking for. You were meant to read these words.
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2011
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November
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- The Chest Cavity
- The Time Served
- The Fact That I'm Just Not Perfect
- The Last Meal Request
- The Room Is Nearly Empty
- The Art Of Breathing
- The Flock Of Humans
- The Way Water Flows
- The Invisible Postal Service
- The Protestors In The Park
- The Forgotten Feeling
- The Future Of Text Books
- The Garbage I Became
- The Rain Thieves
- The Dark Room
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November
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18 comments:
Going outside right now X
But, I'm so tired. Everything hurts.
If I walk out of this room now, I might never come back.
Anon post # 1 -Yes! If I'm the only one in this room, why can't I find myself?? Ridiculous, really. Going, going.
Inside I hurt everywhere. the violence of these memories leaves me raw. You can turn on every light in the house, but I can still close my eyes. This darkness is all I have left to feel.
This is just where I let my hurt show. If we're being honest, I hurt more out there pretending to feel things that I don't know if I can feel anymore.
Some are hurt more then the others.
This particular theme is borderline between facing excruciatingly painful facts I'm trying to deal with or shouting to your face for being so goddamn perverse while rubbing salt on my wounds that you don't even know exist or how the hell am I dealing with it at all... on my own.
The silent waters are deepest...
This comes up, the day after the most terrifying night of my life, and helps me feel less alone.
Anon post # 1 -Yes! If I'm the only one in this room, why can't I find myself?? Ridiculous, really. Going, going.
You are missing the sun, you are missing the rain, you are hiding back the pain.. walk in nature and feel the pain.
You have to feel it, go through it, instead of sitting behind your computer watching and reading things that don't matter to you.
Go through it, going, going, through it.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rWRa-r4tROw
:-)
That would be your request that I look away, right? Because this is the only way you can manage. Posts may or may not have anything to do with me but you are trapped in this way of processing and whatever else. And I followed you into this techno-emo dust storm trying to find us both, to support and protect someone I loved, and continue to love very much. You're so vulnerable sometimes. Signals more than mixed. Can you blame me? But listen. I get it. I have for a while. When you want me back in your life, and sometimes I think you do, you've got to find another way to reach out. Normal channels. Please. Start anywhere. Don't be afraid to reach back out. So many layers; gotta be able to let all or nothing approach go. We'll figure something out.
I love you. I really do.
Me
ps Sometimes I really just love to read all this stuff because it's worth reading. So much talent in blogger world. Here on this site, for instance!
This is where I'm the happiest. Me.
I fall asleep restlessly, and when the sun shines, I don't have the strength to wake.
This room suffocates me.
Please. I beg you. Don't let me drown.
Yes, I do want you back in my life. I never wanted you out.
And yet it's so comfortable here. (I think it's a trick)
Anon, find another way. I said normal, not playing footsies by partition on my hard drive. That's not normal. Maybe for you it is, but not for the rest of us. Take your own medicine. Go outside!! Darling, you exhaust me.
I was just kidding anyway.
but if I close my eyes, I don't feel the pain.
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