Friday, January 16, 2009

The Reflected Past

I let the clock face the mirror so that each second takes me closer towards you. Instead of further away.


JSB said...

i found this a couple of weeks ago. Haven't finished reading from start to end but read each days posts. You have spoken, obviously, to many people. We have "found this" and you to be able to touch that Space between people's hearts that they have either neglected, become paralyzed to or forgot. Thank you and good luck.

Anonymous said...

Please don't stop.
I need this so much right now.

Anonymous said...


Anonymous said...

Its wonderful stuff that you've got right here. Continue writing. :)

agnes said...

I love everything that you write. They inspired me, help to think, reflect how i feel now and most importantly, they make me feel alive. :)

Anonymous said...

When I first found you, the latest one you had posted was The Commerce. I read it.
I'm almost done reading all the way through, although it's kind of choppy.
You don't know this, but... I wait for the right time to show people.
I don't know. I know everybody is ready to read these words, or at least, most people.
But the reason I haven't shown everybody I know yet is because it's special to me. Perhaps not even me... but... it's so special.
It's so profound.
It's like I'm unveiling something that could change their lives..or something. So I wait.
I've shown two people so far.
I was waiting for the right time to show my ex-boyfriend.. who hooked up with some girl months ago, fed me some intricate lie about it because he couldn't stand to see me walk up and leave, and just recently after finding this all out on my own, we have broken up.
We're still talking. Second chances, all of that stuff. A part of me refuses and a part of me gives in. I can't wrap my head around something like this because he was someone who went out of his way to prove to me time and time again he was not like what others said he was... they said he was a player, and a liar.
He knew how long it took me to open up, to trust again, to find peace again with someone else. I felt that way so unknowingly. I put so much trust in him without even knowing it. I always thought he would find something in me that would make him not want to ever cheat on me? Because I knew that I was different. I know I'm a special girl, or at least, I'd like to think I am...
Anyway, I've rambled on too far.
I was waiting for the right time to show him, just to... give him the link. I had told him how much this blog intrigued me but I never let him see it.
I was about to send it to him at some point.. the link.
But he lied again. I asked him what he was doing Friday night, he said he was going out with his family in Toronto, to help his uncle move. I said that I hoped it all went well.
Then his mom calls me and says, How was toronto?
I had no idea what she was talking about...Apparently, he had told her an elaborate lie about how he was going to Toronto with me, drives were all taken care of, and that he probably wasn't going to come home because he was staying the night at my house.
I asked her, so there were no plans of ever going to Toronto help his uncle move?
She said no.
His best friend heard that he was going to a party, maybe.
All that talk about Toronto, lying to both me and his mom, makes it seem like he actually was there.
His ex-girlfriend, the one before me, lives there.

I don't know where his respect for me lies, if any. I'm so confused.

I don't know whether to show him or not. I feel like he'll never deserve it, as much as I know every person does, in some way, deserve to read these words.

JSB said...

damn. reading anonymous' purging ... you have truly started something here. I am overwhelmed at this point in the universe where all is so much in upheaval, and we still continue to treat each other like we do. The people who have love and peace and comfort at their fingertips, and we continue to lock ourselves up in vaults, making up lies to keep us safe while the world falls down around us and the people we have a chance with disappear.
I really need some brightness today...

Anne said...

Woh really powerfull. I like the subject of time. Because its a strange thing isnt it every second brings of closer/further away from someone/something. That in it self is really poetic.

Thanks for writing these.
Dank je wel.

Lauren said...

Always Makes sense the day after.

Me said...

I'm afraid I'm no expert on relationships and I sincerely doubt I would write half of what I do here if I was. What I will say is that if someone is hurting you or lying to you, then that someone probably doesn't deserve your love and you should forget about them because there's someone in your future who will treat you the way you deserve to be treated, and now that you've had this relationship and you've learned what you needed to learn, you're one step closer to them.

Thank you for your incredibly kind words and for finding it, both mean a lot to me.

Dis n plisier.

aish. said...

This time turning back concept reminds me of Benjamin Button.

Anonymous said...

I agree with you, it's something I am going to have to sort out.
Nobody's quite treated me like he has, in a beautiful sense, but i suppose, all it takes is a lie to start unravelling a relationship. It's all so confusing, people. I'm in the process of not knowing what to do with myself, you know. That I need you thing.
Thank you for reading this.

Thank you for writing them.

Anonymous said...

and JSB, "making up lies to keep us safe while the world falls down around us and the people we have a chance with disappear."
I don't know why that made me feel a little better, or something. Maybe because I get to see for myself that other people really do feel, or realize, or think.
It's comforting, a little.
Tomorrow's day will be bright!

We can hope. ;)

chiaoju said...

this post brought tears to my eyes. yea, i so want to be closer to u right now...

JSB said...

Anonymous. Yes, Today is Brighter. Glad my words connected.

Anonymous said...

truly wonderful,

Anonymous said...

truly wonderful,

Anonymous said...

Sometimes the past holds the happiest of memories, and we spend so much time reminiscing, that the future because envious, and robs us of the potential that it holds. The future, like a small child, requires our utmost attention. We mustn't live in the past.